Death!!!!

[melishaxoxo]

My whole life from my teens till now I have has bad luck, people can say it does not exist but it sure does if they were me. I go round and round in circles and I have a boyfriend who mocks my life at times but he says he is sorry. He thinks I love the way my life is but I dont. I work for my dad although my dad doesnt even talk to me. I am the black sheep in the family and seems like i always will be. I tried getting another job to prove myself but i get no call backs, i opted for volunteer work even but they make promises to call me and then they say they arent looking for anyone at the time. I had a minor brain injury at 17 and after that my emotion became a train wreck, i would cry and get this rage out of nowhere, i would become angry at the world. I sometimes still get like that, i have this fear of driving even i cant control my feet or i press the accelerator too fast, i dont have my own car and i dont earn alot. I am thankful for having a job with my dad even if its just answering the phones. But today i feel very down, my bf just reminded me of my life at home with my parents and my phone charger just stopped working and i dont have money for a new one :/ as i pay for my short courses that i am studying. I am broke, in tears and I feel like overdosing on pills. I do not want to be here.. i dont want to be compared to my sister or my cousins, i hate feeling ugly everytime i look in the mirror, im tired of people and their drama, im tired of trying to prove myself, im tired of trying to be normal.. i dont want to be here :((((

[KeeKee]

You sound like you have depression. I have been through it all (although I have NEVER felt suicidal).
I too am extremely insecure, beyond peoples belief. I am obsessed with my looks and spend all my money on nice clothes that I wish would make me feel better but then I never end up wearing them as I feel I don't suit them.
I am ridiculously insecure in my relationship, everytime my partner speaks to female colleagues I ask who they are, like it even matters??
You need help and over the past 5 years I have improved massively, so stick it out.
Its hard, its stressful, its upsetting, its not fair! But things will get better.

If you are feeling suicidal I suggest calling the Samaritans or go to a wallk in-centre if you feel that bad as they will help you.

[aggiecuttler]

Hi sweetie, i understand things are not going quite the way you would like, but taking your life is never the answer, are you on any anti depressants at all i think they are necessary for you go and see your dr asap, your life is a gift who knows what wonders are waiting for you, try and talk to your family i am sure they love you very much, if you would like to message me feel free blessings

[Freaked]

Please call a helpline or go to a hospital if you feel like this. Try to remember that you may not like your life at the moment, but as long as you're alive it can get better. It can't get better if you're dead. For all we know death may well be just complete nothingness. In that case you certainly won't feel better. You just wouldn't exist at all. I've been fighting a debilitating, scary illness for the last few months, and I would give so much just to be able to live my life again. I'm begging you to look for help and not give up. Remember little things you enjoy, or used to if you don't atm. You can get better.

[melishaxoxo]

I just feel so completely alone, i dont have any friends as i dont go out unless its with my bf. He also doesnt understand my pain, he doesnt take me seriously i guess..in fact nobody does and at times i feel i am better off dead even if after this life is nothing i dont mind. Whoever put me on this earth is responsible, my shoulders feel heavy. For so long my family has been comparing me to every other "gifted" person. I am so sick to death of everyone, im sick of this world and what it has to offer me..which is nothing. I am sick of being talked about because i have big teeth and im sick of trying to make something of my life so i can prove myself.

[mila]

Hi Melisha, i just wanted to see how you are today. Reading your story, I can understand why you feel like this, you need support to get through this since it is hard for you to believe that things can get better, and it doesnt seem like you have that support. But that doesnt mean you cant get better or find support elsewhere. I know that for us it is not always easy to have or keep friends, at least not real ones that can understand or at least try to understand what we are going through. But we are here for you. Please dont even think about the option you are thinking about and try to get some help, a helplike like they said or hospital or your doctor. Depression can paint everything black, without it you would see everything in a different light. Dont give up. Please let us know how you're doing.

[Freaked]

How are you doing now? I understand the feeling like you have to prove yourself or you'll be a failure; I'm 21 and the whole 'real life' thing has been annoying me no end lately. Money and careers and all that bs. But that's just society and other people trying to enforce their ideas on you. Plenty of 'successful' people are total worthless *******s, or actively make the world worse. Go and live wild in the woods if you want. It can be very difficult, but try to be what you want to be and never feel like a failure, whatever that is.