Telling your parents about anxiety - how?

[tonightwefly]

Right, okay, getting head together enough to post because this is a mess and sort of an urgent mess. And sorry to do the crisis-thing so soon after joining the forum.

How do you tell your parents you have a problem with anxiety? I've been trying to psych myself up for almost six years and I've sort of hit a point where I've *got* to do something about this, but it's impossible to without them knowing.

The thing is that I'm needle phobic - severely enough that not only is it disrupting my life a fair bit but I've managed to get out of medical treatment for about three years and CANNOT go through any more needlesticks without seriously changing my attitude to them - it's got to the stage where (and logically I know this is wrong) I'd rather be ill than go through a needle procedure. So I want to get help, finally, and I think I need to speak to a doctor first because I can't pay for private on my own.

One thing I need to find out (and I don't suppose any of you know this?) is whether I can sign up to a doctors' surgery in Oxford, where I spend a fair bit of time (since I study occasionally with a tutor and now my boyfriend's studying there so I'll be commuting to see him - I'm about twenty minutes away) even though I already have a GP here near Reading where I live - because my parents would want to come with me and I need some kind of pretence to be out, which being in Oxford would be in itself, plus I'd have the boyfriend's support.

Except...my God. I'm going to feel guilty about it for the rest of my life if I don't tell them. Because they're my parents, and we're close. But we're too close.

If I tell them, though, I am 99% sure that this is going to backfire in one of two ways:

1. They take it on as their fault (as they have done every other minor to moderate upset I've ever had - this being the only severe one)
2. They don't take it seriously at all (cf. a blood draw I had when I was nine when I nearly clawed a doctor's face off. And my mother laughed at me).

Because it's normal to be a bit reticent about this. But I am more than a bit. And it's too awkward and the balance is too delicate and I don't even know where to START.

"Hi, Mum, Dad, I'm a bit of a headcase. "

EDIT: I should probably mention that I'm eighteen, living at home this year and for a gap year. Hence, old enough for patient confidentiality, young enough that my parents will freak if I do/don't tell them.

Oh, God, I'm really sorry, this probably doesn't make any sense and I didn't mean for it to be as rubbish as it is. Any advice would be most appreciated.

Thank you.

-Emma

[mackncody]

Just tell them in a calm way. Sit them both down at home and shut off any distractions. Pull out any info on anxiety from the internet you have(sorta as proof that your not the only one) and show it to them. Tell them right off this is serious and important to you. And that is it REAL. I'm sure it will go fine.

Although in my experience, parents will always blame themselves for any pain or failing on the child's part, thats just parenting to try to take all responsibility for your child. And I know my father doesn't believe in my anxiety or even my going to a therapist for help. Its just life. My mother is very supportive though.

Best of luck. You'll be fine.

If nothing else...I will survive.

To: SSJHSMH-U are light and my heart and strength. I will protect you in this life or the next always.

[Piglet]

Emma hun is it just the needle phobia you have or are you anxious in general.

There is nothing to be ashamed of in having this phobia - I told my parents when I was 16 how scared I was of flying and that there wasn't any point them asking me to go on holiday with them again if it involved flying, they also know I don't do 'lifts' either.

I have to say they have been fine and over the ensuing 20 million years later it's still fine.

Tell them mate - they may surprise you. Don't worry about whether they blame themselves as that is part of being a parent - my mum blames everything negative that has happened to me and my sister on the fact she worked fulltime as we were growing up!!!!

I am sure I will do something similar to my kids too! Once you have got this out the way and if you think its necessary then also tell your doctor about it and see if there is any help they can offer. It's terribly common!

Love Piglet xx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[tnt808]

Hi,

Just wanted to wish you lots of luck. Also, honesty is the key...if you are honest w/ them and yourself you can't go wrong!




"Be The Change You Want To See In The World"...

Take Care of You,


Tina

[tonightwefly]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Emma hun is it just the needle phobia you have or are you anxious in general.


<div align="right">Originally posted by Piglet - 04 October 2006 : 23:24:06</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

I don't even know. It's all sort of snowballed out of proportion until even when there's no trigger sometimes it pops up and then I start thinking about how I haven't dealt with it, and that *makes* me anxious...I don't really know what's wrong with me any more, only that it starts from that.

It's partly that I've got no reason for wanting to sort this out now - I'm due a vaccine but they don't know (because I didn't tell them *eyeroll*) but that's not really it. More that I've been feeling stronger recently and that it's a promise I've made to myself. But I can't somehow tell them that this started so long ago because they'll feel worse and think it's even stranger. I don't know whether just to say I've been having problems with anxiety or whether to tell them the specifics. And either way, I just don't know how to bring it up. I feel like I need a script, lol.

I've been writing things down and nothing sounds right, because there's too much history, but if it's all written down it sounds so overdramatic.

I've thought about getting someone else to tell them, or going to a doctor initially and maybe trying to get them to help me out. But that would require finding a doctor and I'm still not sure what the rules are about going to a surgery other than your regular one.

I can't seem to bring myself round to it.

[Piglet]

What about starting with something like 'I havent been feeling too good lately. Then when they ask whats wrong you could mention that you have been feeling really stressed.

Using the word stress seems to be a more acceptable digestable word than anxiety, so how about starting with that and see where it leads.

You don't neccessarily have to do a massive talk all at the same time but rather just sow the seed for now!

Honestly hun as a parent too I would want my kids to feel they are able to come to me and I don't doubt your parents are the same.

It's not a forever state mate it's just how you are feeling right now and with some love and support you will get through all the better.

Love Piglet x

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[carlin]

Hi there, as a mum to 4, I would honestly rather know what was happening, then, I would help. to the best of my ability No matter what my thoughts or opinions were/are,it's unconditional love -what us parents have, one day at a time, take things slowly you can and will get through this. xxx