Anxiety has ruined my holiday

[mat74]

Evening all, I hope you are all well. I have not posted on here for a couple of years as my anxiety, panic attacks and depression has been under control ... that is until last week.

We all try to find a trigger to our feelings and I now know what mine is - being away from home in a foreign country, telling yourself you are going to be ill to the point you actually are and it is game over!

A little background - booked to go to on a 4 day European break with 3 other friends leaving TOMORROW - booked flights and hotel 3 months ago, all fine, really looking forward to it - BANG, Monday a panic attack, anxiety and sweating, palpitations, headache, stomach pains and so on - all in the lead up to holiday as I convinced myself I would be ill when away. I let it go thinking I would be OK - was due to stay at friends tonight for morning flight and this morning felt awful and cancelled saying I had a bad infection as I didn't want to say it was "anxiety" as they would simply say "pull yourself together"

Since Monday I have hardly eaten, been sleeping a lot and depressed, once I cancelled by mood was better and hey ho, I feel a lot better. WHY? It is such a waste when I was looking forward to it so why has this happened? I know going away is the 'trigger' as a few years back I felt the same before I went to the USA and spent 10 days 'on edge' hardly eating and going trough the motions rather than enjoying the experience - as soon as I landed in the UK, bang, I was fine - its like I tell myself if I go away I WILL be ill and I WONT ENJOY IT.

I have now decided that until I get myself sorted out no more holidays will be booked - I cannot go through this any more.

Some background - I had a bad panic attack about 6 years ago and was rushed to hospital from work - I thought I was having a heart attack. Since then I have been on 20mg Citalopram which seemed to work but I have never been reviewed so maybe they are not working as well as before? I have moved a few times and so have had new GP's so maybe it was my fault for not following it up but I intend to early next week.

I also had counseling for a while a few years back and I am thinking of asking for some more. I know what my 'trigger' is so I need a way of dealing with it otherwise I will never be able to go away again!

Adding to this in the last year my Father was diagnosed with Lymphoma (now in remission after chemotherapy) and 4 months ago I was made redundant from my job of 18 years (more triggers?)

Sorry for going on but I am upset, angry and feel a failure and cannot seem to have any fun due to this debilitating stinking 'illness' that is ruining my well deserved social activities. I now have to sit at home whilst friends are on holiday and it has brought me to tears.

Anyone else in similar situations now or in the past? If so how did you overcome them?

Regards

[MinnieeMouse-x]

Hi,

I'm really sorry that this has happened to you, the holiday sounded great :(

I am in a similar situation to you, I am going to Paris in September for my birthday with an Aunty. This trip is for the weekend and it has literally cost her thousands. I tend to get very sick if I have to go out for just the day so I don't know how I am going to cope with a whole weekend. :(

I am afraid I don't really have any advice, just wanted to share my experience and let you know you are not alone x

[Kim51]

I have not been through the holiday thing but am suffering at the moment with this evil thing and know just how you feel. I have no answers I only wish I had for all of us just wanted you to know you are not alone

[AnxietyGirl87]

Hi Mat74

I know exactly how you feel and I am the same.

My boyfriend booked a weekend away in Paris for my birthday a few years ago and I was really looking forward to it until about a week before when I started to panic. I hate the thought of being away from home in another country and getting ill, I worry about eating foreign food in case of food poisoning etc too. We flew over to Paris on a Thursday which I found very stressful as I hate flying too, but I just tried to forget about my worries and enjoy it as my boyfriend had paid for it all and put so much effort in. As we arrived pretty late in the evening we just went straight to our hotel that night which was fine. The next day however, we went for a walk around and got lost. I had a panic attack, I hated every minute of it and I couldn't stand being somewhere that I didn't know. We eventually got a taxi to take us back to our hotel where we spent the rest of the day and evening as I felt ill (from worry of course). On the Saturday we went to Disneyland and that I tried so hard to enjoy myself but I had hardly eaten since arriving and had only drank bottled water, was feeling ill and really anxious. We went on one ride before leaving! We were due to fly back on Monday but I was so stressed that we ended up paying to get the train back on the Sunday!!

Since then I haven't been abroad or on holiday. I am due to go away on Sunday just in the UK and although I am nervous I am trying my hardest to overcome my fears and enjoy myself!

You are not alone

[mat74]

Hi Mat74

I know exactly how you feel and I am the same.

My boyfriend booked a weekend away in Paris for my birthday a few years ago and I was really looking forward to it until about a week before when I started to panic. I hate the thought of being away from home in another country and getting ill, I worry about eating foreign food in case of food poisoning etc too. We flew over to Paris on a Thursday which I found very stressful as I hate flying too, but I just tried to forget about my worries and enjoy it as my boyfriend had paid for it all and put so much effort in. As we arrived pretty late in the evening we just went straight to our hotel that night which was fine. The next day however, we went for a walk around and got lost. I had a panic attack, I hated every minute of it and I couldn't stand being somewhere that I didn't know. We eventually got a taxi to take us back to our hotel where we spent the rest of the day and evening as I felt ill (from worry of course). On the Saturday we went to Disneyland and that I tried so hard to enjoy myself but I had hardly eaten since arriving and had only drank bottled water, was feeling ill and really anxious. We went on one ride before leaving! We were due to fly back on Monday but I was so stressed that we ended up paying to get the train back on the Sunday!!

Since then I haven't been abroad or on holiday. I am due to go away on Sunday just in the UK and although I am nervous I am trying my hardest to overcome my fears and enjoy myself!

You are not alone

So it's not just me then?! Still upset and laying here thinking that in a few hours I should have been on a plane on holiday. Ironically when away in the UK I am fine - why? Because I know I am not far from a doctor or hospital or can easily get home on a train! Pathetic eh!

[AnxietyGirl87]

I know how you feel but try not to feel bad about it, there is no point in pushing yourself to go away if you aren't ready. What I decided to do was take it a little at a time so going away in the UK to start with and once I have done this I want to try a weekend further away next. It is a nightmare though isn't it - Why can't we go on holiday like everyone else!!

[Jimmy28]

I'm on my way to ruining my vacation too, so if somebody can stop me I'll be grateful. I'm supposed to go to Greece in 16 days and I feel anxious about it already. I had 2 panic attacks and got my brain tumor anxiety back again. I constantly think about what am I going to do if my symptoms show up when I get there, I will be with my 18 years old friends who would have no idea how to deal with me if I feel ill. That depresses me so much, instead of thinking how much fun we're all going to have, all I think about is what is going to happen to me when I'll be far from my country, my parents or any doctors...

So, I know how you feel. I'm sorry you already canceled your trip, but there's always going to be a next time. Until then, try working on you anxiety with a psychiatrist and tell him exactly how you feel about traveling and being far away from everyone.

[clio51]

Hi
I have cancelled my my family holidays abroad twice now in the last few years, loosen a lot of money and upsetting my partner and son by doing it!
But I just knew I couldn't do it, like you I'd get myself in such state dry heaving,not eating,feeling sick etc

now my partner won't hear of it if I suggest a holiday abroad.

Yet years as to we used to go twice a year no anxiety! why now

[mat74]

Well what a GREAT day I am having (not) Had anxiety all day with weakness on my left side and palpitations. All I have done all day is sleep and watch TV and think about my friends on holiday enjoying themselves when I should have been there enjoying it as well - of course this is making me depressed as well so after so long doing well I have totally gone in to reverse and have anxiety, depression and just want to sleep and do nothing - great illness this is, I am really annoyed angry and upset

So tonight whilst friends are having drinks, out in a club, enjoying being away I am stuck in watching TV with the cat with nothing to look forward to apart from annoying my GP next week. Then I have the photo's of the holiday and seeing said friends to look forward to telling me ow great it was

I am sick of all this and seem destined to never be able to enjoy myself socially again. What makes it worse is many years ago I was so confident and the life and soul of the party, loving the build up to events and holidays and now this DEBILITATING SICKENING ILLNESS is turning me in to a person with ZERO self esteem.

[Stormsky]

It's your fears that bring on the Anx /panic... The fear that you might be ill while away, the fear you'll make a fool of yourself, the fear of unfamiliar surroundings... It goes on and on....
Once you lose the fear, no more anxiety... Say , so what if I'm ill? There are doctors abroad and hospitals... So what if I make a fool of myself...no one knows me, apart from friends, and they will support me...
Change those fears to, how great it's going to be, how much fun it will be....
The fear of the unknown ruins many trips..