Early, early onset of dementia or anxiety/depression??

[Lexy]

Hi, I would really appreciate it if anyone can relate to these symptoms. Apologies for the long post!
Since 2009 I’ve been living with chronic stress – my ex had violence and gambling issues and has only just recently sought help.
Prior to this I completed a degree with a professional qualification, travelled, learned to fly, and had my writing and photography published. I then began another degree in 2009 just before the first of my ex’s many catastrophes.
Every semester I found I could cope less and less with my studies. I’m a mature age student and thought perhaps I was slowing down. I lost my confidence, my vocabulary declined, I couldn’t access words. Every semester I dropped another subject and so it ended up this semester that I could only do one and even that was such a struggle. Any assessment was overwhelming, even a 200 word comment. I had to get extensions. I began studying for the final exam and was having trouble getting the info in but thought I could manage, then a couple of days before(about a week ago) I just cracked, I couldn’t access anything in my memory, couldn’t think straight, it was as if I had a brain full of dough. I went to the doctor who gave me a couple of questionnaires and apparently I have extreme depression, extreme anxiety, extreme stress. She said it well, that my brain was just ‘full’.
I’ve done a really heavy full-time degree before, I’ve sat many exams, including those for my pilot’s licence. I work well under pressure. This isn’t about being nervous about the exam or anxiety getting the better of me. I just can’t cope mentally, my brain doesn’t work and I’m worried the stress has damaged it. My health has also declined but I’m more worried about my brain function. Can anyone tell me if slow thinking/difficulty processing things, loss of vocabulary, difficulty finding words, difficulty thinking to the end of a sentence and just overall not being able to cope with study is a symptom of depression or anxiety? I’m now on 20mg fluoxetine daily (5th day) which I agreed to take out of desperation and would really like to know if anyone else had any of this and managed to return to their normal afterwards? Thanks for taking the time to read this

[Ccat]

Lexy- it certainly sounds like anxiety/deprssion. you say you cope well under pressure- but sometimes things come out in different ways. you haven't been on the tablets long enogh for them to have made a real difference yet.
It might be worth going to the sub-board of the different tablets and seeing if anyone on your tablets has found them helpful
kind regards

Ccat x

[Lexy]

Thanks Ccat, am glad that's what it sounds like to you as it gives me hope that if the tabs work then hopefully I'll get my brain back. I found one of the fluoxetine threads which has been an enormous help as it mainly talks about the side effects that we're all experiencing and is so very reassuring. I just haven't found a thread yet which discusses how people's brain function has been affected or if there is someone out there that shares this similar experience where their brain literally shuts down or they've experienced a decline in their ability to process and what that is like for them. But it is heartening to know that this all may be part of it and there's hope.
Thanks
Lexy x

[Pinktel]

Certainly sounds like it could be stress but the ONLY thing I would add is that if you haven't had your thyroid checked get your levels checked because iwas exactly as you described with an underactive thyroid, thought I had Alzheimer's for sure. The thyroxine has totally eliminated those symptoms thank god!

[Lexy]

Thankyou Pinktel, I am seeing my doc for a check-up in just over a week so will organise to get my thyroid checked then. It could explain why I'm so exhausted as well! Am glad you're better and it was easily fixed. It's just the worst, losing brain function and being aware that you've lost it.
Another thing I wanted to mention was that I am also feeling such a great deal of shame, guilt and embarrassment. I feel like I've let so many people down. I've been trying to hide what's been going on for a long time, however when I have mentioned it to a couple of friends they don't believe me as I think they still see me as competent and strong. They just can't see that I'm falling down, that I'm not coping. If I told them I had broken my leg or something it would be a different story, telling them my brain doesn't work and them seeing that obviously something is going wrong - it's as if they don't want to see it.
Am even having trouble finding the words to write this, struggling.

[Pinktel]

I spent months struggling with conversation.
As somebody was speaking to me I would be thinking in my head of the next thing I was going to say in response (as you do when you're having a chat with someone) but by the time it came for me to make my point i would have forgotten what i was going to say.
Every room i went into i forgot why i had gone in there.
I couldn't remember the right word for things.
I once got in my car to drive somewhere and forgot where i was meant to be going.
Life became so frustrating.
Within a few weeks of being on thyroxine things were back to normal.

[Lexy]

Thanks again Pinktel, these are definitely things that I'm experiencing too so it was very heartening to read that you'd been through this - as awful as it must have been for you. It could be that I have both depression and low thyroxine, one may have led to the other. I miss having clarity of thought, of being able to think through to the end of a thought without completely forgetting where I was. I've been reading Ruby Wax's book 'Sane New World' and I recommend it highly. If I could think clearly I'd be able to express exactly how wonderful it is and why. Maybe I'll be there in a few weeks.

[Rachel W]

I think studying can also be stressful. I have OCD so have to deal with a lot and find that I don't have strong memories for people and events, however I have always been able to speak clearly, find words etc. except when talking to people who intimidate me and multitask as well as hold information.
Saying that, back in 2009 I went back to college to get my MSc (I was 38 at the time) and I think with health anxiety, the stress of studying, my OCD and then intense OCD when I came back to the US I felt my brain was shutting down. I can't find words sometimes (I spent last night through 5pm today trying to think of the word improvise).
I met an older friend of the family who had dementia back in 2010 and after that is when I noticed that I was having hard times finding words as it freaked me out and it is something I fear greatly. The more I stressed about it the worse it got. My mind felt dumbed down (and still does) and I am worried about going for a job because I feel that I can't recall some facts in my field and am worried that I would look stupid and would not interview well. I also worry that I won't be able to learn new routines (I am a zookeeper by trade). I have always been someone who can learn a new job by being shown once and now I fear that I wouldn't be able to remember and multitask the way I used to be able to. The more I worry about it the worse it seems to get.

The funny thing though is I was talking to my niece who is 30 and she said that her and her friends notice that they can't think as well after finishing a degree. It is like the brain is tired and I think the more we stress about it, the more we notice and the worse it gets. I have also been very inactive physically as I have not worked because of my OCD and don't go out as much as I did whereas I have always had physical jobs, so I think that maybe stress has affected my body more than if it could be offset with exercise.

Despite my fears, I got distinction for my degree in 2011/12 and I just hope that it is just stress and that it will get better once I am able to get it under control. So you are not alone with your fears. Feel better soon!!!

[Speranza]

Lexy, you will know from the other thread that I've just started fluoxetine as well. I am already feeling a bit more 'together'. My daughters have both experienced what you describe, and they are in their twenties - we call it 'the Thortex' cos you can see the words spinning away from you as you try to remember them! It is a hugely common feature of stress (and yes, get checks for other stuff).

It isn't permanent. My Mum had dementia and as far as I can tell, very few people at the beginning of dementia are as open to thinking they are going mad as you are.

Love and hugs

Gill x

[joelhall]

I think this is more likely a reaction to medication, which is more common than thought. Although it is mild, stress can increase this effect. It is very, very unlikely to be early-onset dementia from what you can said and the way you are expressing yourelf in this post.