Friend anxiety

[Munki]

I've always felt this need to be popular for some unknown reason. I had a wonderful childhood as an only child and later came 2 lovely step-sisters. However, at the age of 37 I really need to get this in check.

I've been married for just over a year and am very happy. My hubby and I are absolute best friends and love each others company so we're very blessed. I'm starting to notice that I don't have as much in common with my friends anymore and am blaming myself for it. One of my friends talks purely about money, Dubai, Selfridges and more money - she married 'rich - and as an earthy, bohemian person, I find it all very shallow. My other friend smokes crazy amounts of weed despite having a lovely 4 year old son and equally, I just can't relate.

The problem is that I blame myself for feeling, well, reluctant to see them (even though I frequently see them and keep in touch) as from what I can see, it seems to be the 'norm' to have friends around you. I think I'm maybe clinging onto friendships that aren't really benefiting me?

I have other friends too but apart from a couple of them, I don't feel the 'need' to connect and go out on girly nights. How do I just accept that this is what I want and not feel like I 'should' in order to conform?!

I think I see other people with lovely friends so assume it's my fault that I'm unable to attract better people! Does that sound awful?

[Speranza]

No it sounds as though you are really good at knowing what you need in life. Follow your heart. Apart from anything else, passively smoking weed isn't great for anxiety.

[Stormsky]

Sometimes we grow apart from friends... We change as we age , the qualities we once liked and shared go.
I've had the same, it's just part of life..
So why blame yourself...no blame needed here..

[Edie]

I don't think there's anything wrong with the way you feel about your friends. It sounds like your lives have all changed.

As long as you have good people around you and are not isolating yourself, then I reckon you're doing OK.

[Spot-the-frog]

I think you have just outgrown your friends. You have moved on and they haven't. You are obviously very happy with your life and so I wouldn't feel at all guilty.

I too have moved on, and I have left behind some of my friends. There was no falling out, I just didn't get in touch as often as I no longer had anything in common with them. I too am very happy with my partner, I love spending time with him and my family and I have a couple of close friends. I don't need to have lots of friends anymore - quality not quantity!!!

[Munki]

Thanks everyone. It sounds so basic when it's written down yet in reality it really eats away at me sometimes. I think Facebook type networks don't help when you see peoples constant 'Me and the girls...' or 'our girly night' etc. I have actually come off there but still dip in as it's great for my uni course. I really must come away from it.

And then I'll get invited on a girly night and can't think of anything worse. I guess I just needed to hear that I'm normal and okay to feel that way. I used to be a massive social butterfly and now i just dislike it. Isn't it funny how I always find loner types more interesting too...

Weird!

[Col]

Hi munki hmmmm your not friends with anyone called Kate or Louise from Sheffield are you? I know I sound mad BUT your friends sound exactly like my old 6 th form friends and they drove me crazy then, with their pretence BUT now were all 30 something THEY ARE ....still the bloody same. We live quite close , well a few of our old group and I bump into them in the local shops sometimes. They always say - come for a coffee , me and the girls - blah blah ....BUT I CAN NOT BARE THAT or them. I'm not knocking working class people my mums family are very much so down to earth and as some would say working class BUT most of my old group are sooooo self centred and bloody pretentious ,like they were born with a silver spoon in their mouths and now when I see them it's brag brag brag. New car, I've got a conservatory , no sorry orangery, I only shop at John Lewis and waitrose.

Ohh for God sake they are hurrendous & honestly they're not worth knowing - well for me anyway.

Don't feel guilty or awful, sometimes some of us grow up and some don't and thats where the change occurs and you find you have nothing really in common or dislike spending time with such individuals.

There's many more friends out there for you to meet, I promise

[Munki]

Hi Col,

Haha, no I'm not as it happens but they're obviously very similar!

It's a horrible feeling when you deem yourself unpopular yet i get the offers but don't want to do the things on offer! I don't drink a lot and everything in todays culture is around drinking.

Argh!

[Col]

Hi Col,

Haha, no I'm not as it happens but they're obviously very similar!

It's a horrible feeling when you deem yourself unpopular yet i get the offers but don't want to do the things on offer! I don't drink a lot and everything in todays culture is around drinking.

Argh!

Yes that's right about our drink culture in Britain & I've never been much Of a drinker either - good job I'm not because if I was to go out with them, I'd proberbly end up telling them to get over themselves! Worse thing is a few of them like me, have children & with their high pretence the kids will proberbly grow up as arrogant and self righteous as they are?

Since I've suffered panic disorder, its hard to keep up with family never mind friends BUT, if they were worth investing my time & effort in , I would try and see them, but I can't I haven't got the energy for keeping up appearances any more. I value life and count my blessings, new car, detached house or not!