Working

[sallad]

Hi,
At 43 I have had a variety of jobs. If I am being totally honest, I never last at them. I start out strong and try so so hard, but my nerves and anxiety get to me. I either leave or get into big trouble for some misstake, panic and go off sick and don't come back.
I often wonder if I am the stupidest person on earth unable to hold down a job!!

A year ago I left my job as a secretary and went to journalism school. I did REALLY well. Almost all As and glowing recommendations from instructors. I did an internship at our public broadcaster and did really well. THEN they hired me. Since I started I have been in no end of trouble. ONe of the stories I had on the air was so bad they called me at home to tell me.

The producer is constantly frustrated with me and my work. Part of me thinks I haven't been there very long. All together maybe 30 days and that I am learning, but it is getting to the point that I think they may fire me and I wouldn't blame them. I am slow and nervous and go brain dead.
I asked my producer to repeat something and she said 'GOD, it is common sense!".

I think it is my nerves. I get so flustered. I feel like such a failure. You can't imagine how bad I feel. WE need me to work very badly for the money. My family keeps wondering what is wrong with me, why I fail at everything.
I have three sons and a step son (failed at my first marriage too!) and a wonderful man who loves me...
I guess i am just looking for someone who can relate. I feel so alone.
:(

[Oosh]

If you're getting these jobs and passing various exams you're not stupid.
If you're anything like me it's more a case of going blank, not being good at focusing on the task at hand in that moment when there's people watching/around, self consciousness etc etc
Break it down, what specifically do you think is the reason you're failing.

If you're competent but not very good in the moment try and solve that.

I retrained as an electrician. Two years at college learning complex stuff and passing exams. I've never failed an exam in my life. I know I'm competent. But I found I couldn't take things in in class.
In the second year I just spent my time being prepared for everything in advance. I arrived ready and confident instead.

Prepare for everything in advance as best you can. Go Into work feeling ready and confident.
When you're there note take, record what's being said on your phones voice recorder if you need to. Then absorb it really well at a moment that's right for you.
Even if you can't use this to conquer everything in your workplace spending that extra time preparing and going over aspects of your job can only make you feel more focused and confident.

[sallad]

I do prepare. I am an associate producer on a radio show so I have to quickly write scripts. I just started so it is a steep learning curve and I freeze up and can't think AT ALL.
Awful.
I went to my doc today and he referred me to a psychiatrist. It is time to deal with this.
Wish me luck.