Need reason to say why unemployed

[dally]

Having had agoraphobia for over 25 years..to varying degrees... I have not been able to work.
When my children were small, I found it easier to use child care as an 'excuse' when people asked me where, or if I 'worked'.
Everyone I knew worked and had children too.

Now my kids are in there twenties and I'm still getting asked if/where I work.
It makes me feel worthless p, cos I would love to have a job and be productive and 'normal' and be able to talk to fellow workers etc and just have a life!!!!!!
I honesty don't know ANYONE.who doesn't work.

I was at a party yest, and the same question from someone in front of about 10 working women my own age. Do you work?
My reply.....No.
Silence
Long pause
No comments from anyone.

I get so angry at myself
I used to try to make light of it by saying
No I don't work...I'm a lady of leisure and a wee laugh etc
But now part of me doesn't want to have to make excuses for myself
People will think what they think.
I DO think in general people think it is bad that I don't work
I DO.
But I DO NOT chose to tell anyone, especially people I don't know really well about my agoraphobia and panic attacks as the reason I DON'T WORK!!!

Can anyone tell me ANY comments or reasons that sound plausible to others why someone might not work.

[meche]

Not that it's anybody's business but you have health issues. That's all you need to say - noboby needs to know anymore than that. Nobody has the right to judge you. The question to ask yourself is the reasons YOU want to work. Do you want to do it because it's expected of you? Do you need to? Are you ready? What do you do to fill your time? Are you bored? Maybe you could start out with some volunteer work to ease back into it and just to see how it makes you feel. Good luck. xx

[Speranza]

You could say, "Not for pay," and then they will all assume you volunteer. Have a change of subject ready and a mysterious smile.

OR throw 'em off track by saying straight-faced, "I'm a pole dancer for David Cameron."

<I'll get me coat...>

[Spot-the-frog]

I would love 'not' to work! If anyone asked if I worked I would say I took early retirement or I don't need to work.....

[Col]

Not that it's anybody's business but you have health issues. That's all you need to say - noboby needs to know anymore than that. Nobody has the right to judge you. The question to ask yourself is the reasons YOU want to work. Do you want to do it because it's expected of you? Do you need to? Are you ready? What do you do to fill your time? Are you bored? Maybe you could start out with some volunteer work to ease back into it and just to see how it makes you feel. Good luck. xx

Fantastic advice

Also you could say you are an online support worker giving advice to individuals who are either depressed or suffer GAD! There are legitimate volunteering positions like these
OR
You could do some online trading via eBay sell homemade things, brac a brac from charity shops , start up your own little buisness. Then you could say , I'm setting up my own online buisness OR I'm an trader online. Even if u only do it once or twice a month, it's something to say and true

[dally]

Thanks everyone for your replies.
I couldn't even do voluntary work. My panic are so bad i don't think I could last half an hour before running home !!
I have wanted to work. Luckily my husband earns just enuf for us to manage financially, but only just. Or life would be so much better in every way if I earned some money.

I have over the years tried a joke...lady of leisure
And even health issues. Cos I was very anaemic at one point
But
I
All I got was MORE questions.
What's wrong with your health? You look healthy too me..etc
I really try n not be sensitive about it.

But the women I was with last week all had problems and THEY WORK!!!
Recent bereavements, breast cancer mastectomy and ongoing chemo.. How does having agrophobia compare to that!!!
And they were still at work
It DOES make me feel useless, cos both of those situations are MUCH worse than mine!
And people have the right to judge me in comparison.

[meche]

Hi Dally - please don't be offended by this but I think you have more of an issue with this than others do. You need to stop beating yourself up about it. Everybody has problems but that doesn't make yours any less important than theirs. Ok - so maybe they have got cancer, lost somebody they love but they are dealing with it in their way as you are dealing with your issues in your way. You choose not to work (because at the moment you can't), they choose to work! Everybody is different. So I still think noboby has the right to judge you..... not until they've worn your shoes for the day! Big hugs. xx

[Geestar]

dont you worry about what othet people think.

The people in your life that are important will know why you dont work so thats all that matters isnt it?
People who work will find it hard to come to terms with... some reasons being that they wished they didnt have to work. And to be honest unless they have suffered from anxiety.... they would know work is a walk in the park compared to what you have to go through each day.
When people ask if you work and why you dont work just say..... no I dont work I have some personal reasons.. or just be completely honestm you have nothing to be ashamed about

[Speranza]

If anybody said to me, "You look healthy" I would think rude words, smile and say, "Just as well you're not my doctor then isn't it!"

What a crassly rude thing to say to someone! What if they had cancer?

[Rennie1989]

Why don't you say you're a housewife? You're not confessing to being unwell, which is what you're concerned about doing, and you're not lying either.

---------- Post added at 16:28 ---------- Previous post was at 16:25 ----------

Speranza - I wouldn't take it as something negative or rude. I've told people in the past that I've been unwell (anxiety/panic/depression/mania-like-thing) and they've told me that I look well, not because they're ignorant, but because they don't really know what to say. Mental illness is still taboo in our society and people aren't sure what to say without worrying they are being offensive.