Hi all,
I just wondered whether somebody could help me with a little question that's been troubling me in regard to Harm OCD. Where does a thought stop being a thought and become an urge? To me, a lot of my "thoughts" are "urges" and in my mind they are very vivid. What scares me is the fact I feel as though I am losing remorse for my thoughts (ie "I could just do that and get this thought over with"). I'm sure I'm not suffering from OCD and my ailments must be a lot worse, but the doctor seems to think it's just OCD.

On Wednesday my neighbour helped me erect some screening. He brought a small scalpel down to cut the cable ties. I had to help him so I couldn't run from my fears, but since then my brain has thought about just going down the garden with a knife and attacking him. In fact, Wednesday morning it just wanted to attack anyone on the estate, just because.

The last few days I've been doing some DIY and have used a screwdriver a lot. I saw the kind of injuries they can inflict on 24hrs in A&E and I keep thinking about stabbing my husband with one. There's also a pair of scissors on the coffee table which I thought about stabbing my husband with.

I can't honestly say I have much of a problem with "thoughts", however, I get strong violent "urges" and this bothers me. My husband has put knives in a container atop the shelf unit as I was sure with my mood (I've just come off of hormonal birth control) I was going to kill someone. I have picked up a knife a few times before but even though the knife feels unnatural I do still get the thoights, it terrifies me as everything I do they seem to haunt me. Sometimes, when the urge is really bad, I even feel the desire to climb up and get the box down. It frightens me that I'm wanting to do these thoughts. Maybe OCD isn't my problem?

As I previously mentioned, I was diagnosed with "anxiety with obsessive traits" on Monday. Previously, I was diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder though I think the idea of OCD was first overlooked and my GP has agreed, so I am waiting to see a psychiatrist for an affirmative diagnosis and therapy. I am also taking 40mg propranolol twice a day, though I have decided only to use it on really bad days as I'm finding it makes me very sleepy which impacts things like my exercise routine and sex life. I used St John's Wort and Rescue Remedy though these only do so much.

Has anyone else come across anythiing like this? I'm really worried I might actually be a whole different person all of a sudden!

Thanks all

MrsS x