The date had finally come...

[26]

The date I waited a week for had finally come. Me and my pal went shopping the morning of the date, I bought some very nice clothes (from topshop) which are now, probably the best clothes I own.

Let's skip to the actual date.

The actual meeting was great, we hugged - I complimented her on her choice of clothes, she looked absolutely stunning. Let's skip forward to the movie, such a great movie - I personally laughed my head off.

Now, the part why I'm here. We finish the movie and head to the restaurant, everything is running smoothly at this point. We get in, finally decide that we're going to eat there and BOOM!

Half way through picking out the dinner (from a buffet), I get this urge to be sick. At this point, I have no idea why I'm thinking this, so I continue as normal. After we pick our choices of food, we sit down and start eating - well, I try to.

After a few bites of food, I felt physically sick, even the thought of chewing on food and swallowing made me want to perish into a thousand pieces. Now, I'm 17 and this whole dating game was beyond my level of play anyway - but what happened next, I never expected it.

I took another piece of food and BOOM! I couldn't eat it, every single chew made me feel sicker and sicker. I got to a point where the only option was to spit it out, I excused myself and went to the bathroom where I spat out the food.

Now, that's not even the worst bit. What happened after was truly the worst. I went to sit back down, all I could do was drink water to try and get the ability to swallow my spit back. The girl realises that I am not eating, and questions me on it. I tell her that I'm having a panic attack, she tries to calm me down.

I've never felt so embarrassed before in my life! I needed to take my mind off the fact I'm having a panic attack and told her I'm going to go for a walk, she said she'll come too. She had stopped eating because I was being a wuss and couldn't control this panic attack.

This is why I'm here, from that day on - I'm motivated to change who I am, to become a better person. To stop this depression and most of all, stop having these panic attacks.

TL;DR - Went on a date, had a panic attack and now I'm here to change my life.

Thanks for reading!

[aggiecuttler]

panic attacks are indeed horrible and you can not stop them when they want to come, i really feel you are being rough on yourself saying you want to become a better person i am sure you are a lovely person having depression and panic does not make you a bad person in any way just a sensitive person i dont know if you are on meds but talk to your dr to see if there is something that can help you good luck blessings

[26]

panic attacks are indeed horrible and you can not stop them when they want to come, i really feel you are being rough on yourself saying you want to become a better person i am sure you are a lovely person having depression and panic does not make you a bad person in any way just a sensitive person i dont know if you are on meds but talk to your dr to see if there is something that can help you good luck blessings

I don't mean personality wise, I think I have a rather good personality. What I mean by becoming a better person, I mean sorting myself out (mentally) and start standing up for myself.

When it comes to meds, I don't take any but I have contemplating taking them. I've been to the GP before and told him that I had depression, he had told me to get into contact with a group - turns out, I'm too young to join.

Thanks for the blessings!

[Tessar]

26, first off you did well to go out and get new clothes. Then, when you were feeling really anxious and could have just run off, you didn't. In a easy I suppose you stayed and were able to "face the music". Well, you say you have never felt so embarrassed before in your life. But you did survive this episode even if it was very uncomfortable. If this situation was a huge test of your resolve, then in my opinion you did survive. Not only that, but when you could quite easily have just run away, you didn't. You hung on in there. You went for a walk and the lady came with you. I suggest this is in fact a good outcome.
By all means take a look at how things panned out, but when you do this, ok... You can acknowledge that things didn't exactly go the way you would have liked, but also look deeply enough into it for things that you DID do well. Don't automatically focus on negatives. And certainly don't repeat the negatives over & over. Moreso, look for bits if the day that were good. And from what you said, there were many positives here for you.
I really like your fighting talk..... "This is why I'm here, from that day on - I'm motivated to change who I am, to become a better person. To stop this depression and most of all, stop having these panic attacks. TL;DR - Went on a date, had a panic attack and now I'm here to change my life."
That's the spirit!!! You have made some important steps in the right direction here. This is a new beginning. Take heart from your endeavours because you do have the strength of character inside you to begin challenging your issues. One step at a time. Deal with a small issue and then move into the next one, and so on and so on......Bye for now.... X

[26]

26, first off you did well to go out and get new clothes. Then, when you were feeling really anxious and could have just run off, you didn't. In a easy I suppose you stayed and were able to "face the music". Well, you say you have never felt so embarrassed before in your life. But you did survive this episode even if it was very uncomfortable. If this situation was a huge test of your resolve, then in my opinion you did survive. Not only that, but when you could quite easily have just run away, you didn't. You hung on in there. You went for a walk and the lady came with you. I suggest this is in fact a good outcome.
By all means take a look at how things panned out, but when you do this, ok... You can acknowledge that things didn't exactly go the way you would have liked, but also look deeply enough into it for things that you DID do well. Don't automatically focus on negatives. And certainly don't repeat the negatives over & over. Moreso, look for bits if the day that were good. And from what you said, there were many positives here for you.
I really like your fighting talk..... "This is why I'm here, from that day on - I'm motivated to change who I am, to become a better person. To stop this depression and most of all, stop having these panic attacks. TL;DR - Went on a date, had a panic attack and now I'm here to change my life."
That's the spirit!!! You have made some important steps in the right direction here. This is a new beginning. Take heart from your endeavours because you do have the strength of character inside you to begin challenging your issues. One step at a time. Deal with a small issue and then move into the next one, and so on and so on......Bye for now.... X

Thank you Tessar, from day one of trying to change this whole suicidal, depressed and panic attack guy - this is one of the best responses I've gotten. To be honest with you, all I wanted that day was a hug and to be told that everything will be alright.

Thanks for those kind words.

[Tessar]

Thank you Tessar, from day one of trying to change this whole suicidal, depressed and panic attack guy - this is one of the best responses I've gotten. To be honest with you, all I wanted that day was a hug and to be told that everything will be alright.

Thanks for those kind words.

Oh thanku 26, your response brought a tear to my eye. Well, tears to both eyes if I am honest. And why? Because you said " To be honest with you, all I wanted that day was a hug and to be told that everything will be alright". I know that feeling soooooo well. I don't know about you, but sometimes asking for that hug or for things I need, especially by way of reassurance, is the hardest thing to do in the world. I am getting better at asking for such things these days and when I get them, I'm not preparing to run away. Instead I'm learning to hang in there and appreciate what it feels like. Alien it might be but rewarding at the same time.

[26]

Oh thanku 26, your response brought a tear to my eye. Well, tears to both eyes if I am honest. And why? Because you said " To be honest with you, all I wanted that day was a hug and to be told that everything will be alright". I know that feeling soooooo well. I don't know about you, but sometimes asking for that hug or for things I need, especially by way of reassurance, is the hardest thing to do in the world. I am getting better at asking for such things these days and when I get them, I'm not preparing to run away. Instead I'm learning to hang in there and appreciate what it feels like. Alien it might be but rewarding at the same time.

Yeah, I can imagine. I've not got many friends, I'd say only one true friend. I don't know many girls, not any that I'd ask for a hug . But, just that feeling of reassurance will possibly aid me so much!

I agree, asking for help, especially in a form of a hug is super hard. That's what we've got to do in life, not be upset because it's finished, but be happy because it happened.