Intrusive thoughts ruining my life :/

[aaaamy22]

Hiya, I'm new to this, I just thought I'd make an account because I need help.

I've had intrusive thoughts for over a year now, mostly about me being aggressive and intentionally harming people, which really upset me, especially because I didn't know what was going on and I thought it was actually real. I became really depressed and it ruined my life. Anyway, after I found out that there was a name for it and I wasn't losing my mind, I felt great and it sort of went away.
But recently it seems to have come back, but this time it's over my relationship. I've been in a relationship for just over a year now, and it's been amazing, but recently my intrusive thoughts are that I don't love him anymore, that I don't feel anything when I'm with him and that we'll never have a future together and all this stuff. It's hurting me and making me upset because deep down I do love him, I know I do, but it seems to be getting lost and buried under all of this doubt and panic and now every time we're together I end up analyzing everything I'm feeling; it's ruining what time we spend together and I'm sick of it, it's causing me to question everything about myself, make myself panic and spend every waking hour questioning my feelings, the same way my other intrusive thoughts did. It's distracting me and making my life a misery. And to make matters worse, my aggressive intrusive thoughts seem to be starting again. I'm never happy anymore, I'm constantly over thinking things and feel down 24/7.
So I was wondering if anyone could help or has ever felt the same? Thanks, all replies are greatly appreciated!

[Stormsky]

Hi
The more importance you give a thought , the more you keep getting them..
These are false thoughts and you just need to see them for what they are.
I've had the harming thoughts , of harming loved ones etc... The thoughts effect us so much, because they are the opposite of who we are... I wouldn't harm a fly...
Anxiety,and OCD cause these thoughts.. Same with your relationship OCD..
Don't make my rash decisions concerning your relationship ...
Have you sought help, meds, therapy?

[aaaamy22]

Hi
The more importance you give a thought , the more you keep getting them..
These are false thoughts and you just need to see them for what they are.
I've had the harming thoughts , of harming loved ones etc... The thoughts effect us so much, because they are the opposite of who we are... I wouldn't harm a fly...
Anxiety,and OCD cause these thoughts.. Same with your relationship OCD..
Don't make my rash decisions concerning your relationship ...
Have you sought help, meds, therapy?

Yeah, that makes sense. So could this actually be relationship OCD? I've never really considered help because I was too afraid that what I was feeling wasn't OCD, it was real, and therefore if I go to see a professional I'd be worried that they won't diagnose it, if that makes sense?

[Stormsky]

You say your relationship has been amazing and the thoughts of doubt are intrusive ..that says to me it's OCD and not your real thoughts on your relationship.

[Shaznayhawkes]

Oh my goodness me. I have never had such an overwhelming feeling if relief as i have after just reading ur post. I too have these very same thoughts about my partner. We have been together for 9years and it causes so much distress to have a thought telling me that I don't love him when I know that I do. It doesn't make sense to have feelings like this that are not real but that's the thing, they're not real. OCD causes these feelings to lie to us. I hope it offers u as much relief as me to hear that someone else feels the same and it isn't just the end of an important relationship.

[aaaamy22]

Oh my goodness me. I have never had such an overwhelming feeling if relief as i have after just reading ur post. I too have these very same thoughts about my partner. We have been together for 9years and it causes so much distress to have a thought telling me that I don't love him when I know that I do. It doesn't make sense to have feelings like this that are not real but that's the thing, they're not real. OCD causes these feelings to lie to us. I hope it offers u as much relief as me to hear that someone else feels the same and it isn't just the end of an important relationship.

Yes, exactly! I was so terrified that it was the end of my relationship because I just need him in my life so much, he's helped with a lot of my depression and he's the first and only one I turn to when I'm in a really bad place. It is such a relief, because I thought it was me; I thought when I post this I'd just be told that it wasn't intrusive thoughts, I just simply didn't love him anymore, so it's a huge relief to hear that other people are experiencing something similar and I'm not alone, thank you!

[Tessar]

i have all sorts of thoughts that i dont want. they can relate to pretty much anything and spring up any time really. i do what i can to ignore them and allow them to pass. it isnt easy but that's what i try to do. i have some that are so crazy i know they are just random, like i'm cutting up food with a sharp knife & my partner is near me. so this thought goes through my head of stabbing her. well i'd never to do that because its just not what i'm like. i have told her i have these random thoughts. they dont bother her. we know together they are random & quite often are light hearted about it. that way at least they dont linger for too long & we can treat them as random. there are others i have relating to phobias. those are much harder to deal with. agin though i just work at not putting too much importance on them and also trying when ever i can to think about something different. to distract myself. realising they are random i feel is the most important step. you recognise you dont have to take them seriously even though they feel very real.

[aaaamy22]

Thanks for the replies everyone!
Should I discuss this with my boyfriend? If so, how would I explain it making sure not to hurt or offend him?

[Positive Girl]

Hello,

Well from my experience I've seen that the best way to get rid of intrusive thoughts is not to acknowledge them. I just ignore them. I try very hard not to try to justify or respond to them in anyway. If I persist they start to fade slowly. But when I try to rationalize with them, to respond to them, I never win.

About discussing it with your boyfriend, I think you should tell him so you get his support but don't get into so much details. Don't give the thoughts more attention than they deserve, which is nothing!!


Best of luck to you,

Positive Girl

[Shaznayhawkes]

Telling your partner is a good thing and a big step forward in helping with these thoughts. My partner is brilliant and understands that these thoughts are not real. Ultimately, if I didn't love him I would feel it all the time, not at particular points in my life and also it wouldn't cause me the distress that it does. Actually telling him that I'm having these thoughts allows me to acknowledge that I'm having them, as simply pretending they're not there makes them worse, and carry on in spite of them. This quite often helps to start to calm the anxiety. It's scary, to tell a partner who u love more than anything that ur having thoughts that u don't, but remember, that's all they are- thoughts, not reality, however much it feels like it! X