Thinking about trying to get pregnant next year but worried I won't cope!

[Stormsky]

It's yours and your partners decision ..
I wouldn't want to be a child the way the world is today and I don't see it getting better.

[starlight78]

The world is what it is... In years gone by it was acceptable for children to be sent down mines. Children and wives were the property of the husband and father and could be beaten without any laws being broken. Children in poverty were sent to the workhouse, if they were 'lucky' and could be imprisoned for stealing. Even with affluent families the only option for girls was marriage. It is a myth that the world is a more dangerous place now, it's actually safer all round, only we hear more about the scary things on the news now.. I think we see want we want to see, interpret it through our own frame of reference. I feel lucky to be alive in our time!

[Stormsky]

The world is what it is... In years gone by it was acceptable for children to be sent down mines. Children and wives were the property of the husband and father and could be beaten without any laws being broken. Children in poverty were sent to the workhouse, if they were 'lucky' and could be imprisoned for stealing. Even with affluent families the only option for girls was marriage. It is a myth that the world is a more dangerous place now, it's actually safer all round, only we hear more about the scary things on the news now.. I think we see want we want to see, interpret it through our own frame of reference. I feel lucky to be alive in our time!

I agree with what you've said.. And we do hear more through media of how evil the world can be..
But we are depleting the worlds natural resources too, oil, water, food..and more ..that's why I wouldn't want to be born today...

[Jennifer8907]

Only you can fully answer that question ) you will know when you are ready for a baby I had my first at 17 yes far to young but yeno what he is the most pleasant beautiful little boy who I love and adore soo much and everybody tells me I have done a really good Job the thing is I had depression after him it wasn't post natal though the doctor told me the chemicals in my brain don't settle normal after I had him I left it for years before getting help silly of me! I was put on citalapram and I felt normal again I now have a six months old who I adore also so pleasant and laid back but after having him I am currently suffering with health anxiety it's not as severe as some posts I have come across I'm now on some tablets again to help seem to be working slowly but I'm getting there ) being a mummy is the most amazing, precious, wonderful thing but on the other hand it's tiring life changing and challenging it will change your life like you wouldn't believe but to me my babies our the love of my life!! The decision is only down to you and your partner just go into it with open eyes and if you add the pros and cons up see where you are at the moment could leave it an other year and see where you are then pregnancy hormones to a lot to the mind your body goes through so many changes. Good luck in what ever path you decide to take ) xxx

[Meewah]

I wouldn't want to be a child the way the world is today and I don't see it getting better.

So sad you perceive it this way. Humans learn through mistakes, we are already talking about mining asteroids to provide our future resources. We are very resourceful and the mor of us on the planet the more chance we have got of overcoming negative, catastrophizing like this. We are becoming more compassionate than ever before. We have the ability to overcome most things we mess up. I can only feel huge optimism for life on earth look how our fellow man has cured dieases and made a safe and warm home for you to enjoy. Just ask the old boys what life was like only 40 years ago. Yes we've made mistakes but without mistakes we cannot develop we are learning all the time. I am so hopeful that one day in the near future we will cure cancer and anxiety and learn how to turn everything we have taken from the earth as minerals and reuse them again and again. If we can turn oil in to plastic why cant we turn plastic in to oil??

Lets all have sex tonight and help build a better world

Mee

[Anxious_gal]

you should think about what can you offer to the potential child. Thinking about having a kid and actually having one are two different thinks.

[Rain]

Hi Girl Afraid. I’m a little bit worried that you are wanting to have a child for the wrong reasons. Here’s what you said yourself in a previous post:

I think I have some kind of "phobia" of working, if there is such a thing? Let me explain...everytime I get a job I am happy & do it for a few weeks sometimes months & then I start feeling unhappy and restless and feel I have to leave, after calling in sick alot too.
I've been in this job for over a year now - the longest job I've had so far! And I just can't wait to leave but then my brain kicks in and I realise I am going into a career where I can't be like this and I HAVE to be capable & not call in sick/hate the job etc. As this is only retail, it doesn't cause huge problems but its still an issue of course.
I am very worried I will never be able to be a "real person" with a career, money etc. I don't want people to think i'm lazy & I also dont want my friends to think badly of me.
The only thing I can think of is getting pregnant (extreme I know!) so I don't have to work and can be a full time mum without judgements - I would also have an excuse then. Obviously I know bringing up a child is just as stressful, if not moreso but the issue I have with work, employment, routine and being tied down to something for the rest of my life scares the hell out of me!
I have worked hard at university to get a degree but even that doesnt motivate me. I don't understand how people can go into a job day in, day out, especially one they hate, we only get one chance at life & most hours are spent working and being down/sad about it.
I understand people have to earn money and of course I love payday just like everyone else but just want to know if anyone is similar?

I don’t have any children but I know from my sister and others that bringing up a baby is intensely stressful at times and very hard work. You say you hate the idea of being tied down to a job and have spoken of longing for the old days when you felt more free. But having a child will tie you down for at least the next 18 years. Having a baby to get out of the rat race is a really bad idea, even if it is subconscious.

You have spoken before about wanting to be a writer. Why not concentrate on that for the moment and channel your hopes and dreams into a book? Becoming a writer is easier than ever these days with self publishing.

You have spoken also of longing for the ‘old days’ when you felt more free. Becoming a mum will only give you more responsibilities- this time very serious ones which you will be beholden to 24/7.

Are you getting any treatment- therapy of any kind – for the intense worrying you seem to suffer with? Maybe it would be a good idea to try to sort this out before thinking of starting a family.

Please re-read what you have written yourself on the subject before making any decisions. I wish you a brighter future free from worry. You are still young and many options are open to you at the moment. Don’t be too quick to slam some of those doors shut for good.

[Meewah]

An interesting revelation. Is this how some young girls think this day and age?

One problem without money you cant live, you exist !

Sounds to me like you should find out what motivates you, as you said life !is too short and trust me as a parent having children is the most stressful life choice you will ever make. This is because of what rain points out, dependant how many children you have dictates when the 18 years end and then you still worry about them, where they are etc...

Trust me it is rewarding but its not like a job you can't just get bored and pack it in.

Oh and don't forget to tell your partner that this is how you think and that he will have to stay with you for the full duration and be the bread winner. You will need to find a husband that is bright and a career man and you will have to look after him as he will be out all day working and meeting others so he won't want to come back to a stressful home. You'll have to work very hard to keep him there as the statistics show most marriages end in divorce.

Saying that you could find a scrounger to have kids with who does not work and you can both sit at home with no future no job and children that will follow in the steps of their parents.

If this is the life for you then life is definitely too short.

Have a long hard think about what is wrong with the way you perceive the world. Sounds to me like you have lost your drive temporarily. It will return and then you can get the interesting career you deserve and the life you wanted.

Mee

[GirlAfraid23]

Hi Girl Afraid. I’m a little bit worried that you are wanting to have a child for the wrong reasons. Here’s what you said yourself in a previous post:

I think I have some kind of "phobia" of working, if there is such a thing? Let me explain...everytime I get a job I am happy & do it for a few weeks sometimes months & then I start feeling unhappy and restless and feel I have to leave, after calling in sick alot too.
I've been in this job for over a year now - the longest job I've had so far! And I just can't wait to leave but then my brain kicks in and I realise I am going into a career where I can't be like this and I HAVE to be capable & not call in sick/hate the job etc. As this is only retail, it doesn't cause huge problems but its still an issue of course.
I am very worried I will never be able to be a "real person" with a career, money etc. I don't want people to think i'm lazy & I also dont want my friends to think badly of me.
The only thing I can think of is getting pregnant (extreme I know!) so I don't have to work and can be a full time mum without judgements - I would also have an excuse then. Obviously I know bringing up a child is just as stressful, if not moreso but the issue I have with work, employment, routine and being tied down to something for the rest of my life scares the hell out of me!
I have worked hard at university to get a degree but even that doesnt motivate me. I don't understand how people can go into a job day in, day out, especially one they hate, we only get one chance at life & most hours are spent working and being down/sad about it.
I understand people have to earn money and of course I love payday just like everyone else but just want to know if anyone is similar?

I don’t have any children but I know from my sister and others that bringing up a baby is intensely stressful at times and very hard work. You say you hate the idea of being tied down to a job and have spoken of longing for the old days when you felt more free. But having a child will tie you down for at least the next 18 years. Having a baby to get out of the rat race is a really bad idea, even if it is subconscious.

You have spoken before about wanting to be a writer. Why not concentrate on that for the moment and channel your hopes and dreams into a book? Becoming a writer is easier than ever these days with self publishing.

You have spoken also of longing for the ‘old days’ when you felt more free. Becoming a mum will only give you more responsibilities- this time very serious ones which you will be beholden to 24/7.

Are you getting any treatment- therapy of any kind – for the intense worrying you seem to suffer with? Maybe it would be a good idea to try to sort this out before thinking of starting a family.

Please re-read what you have written yourself on the subject before making any decisions. I wish you a brighter future free from worry. You are still young and many options are open to you at the moment. Don’t be too quick to slam some of those doors shut for good.

I've been on holiday so haven't been able to reply.
All these things were true at some point, however although I am an intense worrier I can also cope with daily life.
I have had a job for over a year now and although I don't like being tied to a job I still do it.
Although I had an intense fear of the road, I passed my driving test & now drive around by myself pretty much everywhere.

Just because I have anxiety I don't want to put a potential family life on hold because I may never get fully "well" My partner does know about these things and he is successful and a in a good career (accountancy) so is bringing in reasonable money.
I wouldn't want to work straight away after having my child because I would hate for he or she to spend the early years of their life in somebody else's care.
He agrees with me on this.

I am not using a child as an excuse, not by any means, otherwise I would have had one back when I was 17/18 and used he or she as an excuse for not wanting to work.

If it does happen, it won't be for a year or so. I just feel I am starting to be ready now.
Despite the anxiety I want to have a family and enjoy family life, I don't want to regret when I turn around at 40 and realise that I should have done it a long time before.

[cat85pink]

Hey

I'm 28 my husband is 31 we have been trying for a baby for 3 years, when we started trying I was doing so well with my agoraphobia,

Now 3 years (39 negative cycles) has been so hard, we thought it might happen quick, was naive you just dont know about infertility unless effected,

Be prepared that is very hard emotionally if it does happen month after month, but also be aware it could happen first month of trying

We have a fertility appointment next month, I'm nervous about everything, how I'll cope during pregnancy Labour, not because of a baby though because of my illness, I know a lot about babies I helped raise my nephews, I think I know a lot, so I'm confident about feeding taking care of a baby, what I can't predict is my levels of anxiety during it all,

Trying for your first is a new experience to every mum to be, just because we have more anxiety shouldn't stop us, my husband works, he'll bring in the money, I'll take care of the home & baby,

25 doesn't seem too young if you feel ready, I think anyone over 21 is old enough, my friends are 26-32 they all have familys, my sister was 21 with 3 kids;

I knew I was ready after I met & married my hubby, ive always wanted children but never put an age on it till I met the right man,

X