Going on Holiday *Gulp*

[Jamesflames]

I'm off on holiday today.

The guy who did my last CBT course wouldn't be impressed; I've basically been a textbook example of safety behaviours and distractions while getting prepared. I'm only going to Bognor for the week but this is still about four times further than my normal 'safety' range. I have looked it all up on Google Maps and have checked how far from the car I will be once we are there, and exactly where I need to go. I've made sure I have a big fresh box of diazepams and loads of bottles of water. I've packed two ds's, tablet, diary, notepads, pens, & rescue remedy. I've also been obsessively checking the weather forecast to make sure it won't be too hot.

I know these safety behaviours aren't helpful in the long run but I reckon it would be a bit too heroic to leave them behind when pushing my agoraphobia this hard. A lot of worry about this is the thought of letting the wife and kids down. I want them to have a good time and to not worry about me. It would be good if I could have a relaxing time too but this feels like a bit of a tall order.

[Annie0904]

Well done on going on holiday James even if you need to take some safety behaviours with you You are doing really well and feeling the fear and doing it anyway...a big well done to you. I hope you manage to have an enjoyable time when you get there.

[Jamesflames]

Thanks so much for your supportive post Annie. I've just arrived and am struggling a bit. I just need to remember that every panic wears off and leaves me a tiny bit more able to cope.

[Annie0904]

I usually find the first couple of days on holiday are the hardest as you are usually tired from travelling. Hopefully you will be able to relax and enjoy yourself.

[Jamesflames]

That's the first night out of the way. It was all a bit traumatic actually. I was fizzing with adrenaline and awful thoughts. I think a big part of my problem with agoraphobia is that I have been able to maintain quite a big range of comfortable movement so I don't often get the chance to push these boundaries. Now that I am pushing them I feel a bit overwhelmed.
If I can keep my head down and try to ignore it I'm sure it will fade. I just haven't felt this bad for a long time.

[Annie0904]

You are doing well James, keep reminding yourself of the pisitive things you are doing. You should be proud of yourself.

[Jamesflames]

Thanks Annie. It really means a lot to read words of encouragement from others who know the nasty tricks that brains can play on us!

[cat85pink]

Hey

Just wondering how the rest of your holiday went?

Id like to hope to be able to manage a short local break one day,

I know safety behaviours are bad, but sometimes you just need to get through,

[Anxious_gal]

Hey I too do the same things, I think anxious people like feeling in control and we get upset/overwhelmed by unexpected events.

But I think it depends on how you do it! For me I like to know all the bus stops/train stops on my root as it helps me break down the journey and I like knowing I can get off at a certain stop if I needed to which of course has never happened.


With anxiety you focus too much on yourself and not enough on the outside like your environment. So if you get anxious focus outwards, count steps, count the number of people wearing green coats, make up back stories for interesting people you see.

I always have a goal of taking a few pictures, so when I'm out I am looking for things to take a picture of rather than focus on myself and my anxious feelings.

I always have water and a bottle of coke on me (for the sugar). I think that's good you have water as people really don't tend to drink enough water and being slightly dehydrated can cause anxiety symptoms, same goes for low blood sugar so remember to eat as anxiety can sometimes kill your appetite.

I understand about the fear of letting people down, it really adds on so much stress. I often avoid accepting invitations so I won't let people down if I am too anxious to go.

Just do the best you can do. You have anxiety and if a normal person experienced the same fear and symptoms that you do they would be amazed at how you manage to get through life living with anxiety.

Once yo get home keep in my mind the need to push your boundaries. I do understand the panic when out and the desperate urge to flee back to your place of safety and how surreal it is watching everyone else be relaxed and having fun while you feel as if the worlds about to end.