Re: Our family needs help
I can totally understand your frustrations but as Kim says, us with anxiety have certain safe places and often there's no logic to an outsider as to why one place is fine but another isn't. I too think your mum will be feeling really guilty, I know I would. Unfortunately overcoming anxiety is a slow, difficult process, and it requires a lot of strength. For her to try to beat her anxiety at the moment would probably be too much when she's coping with her husband being seriously ill. Does she have a friend that could go with her maybe once a week just to take some pressure off everyone? Or, if you got in touch with Macmillan and explained the situation, maybe they'd have a volunteer who could go with your mum - just an idea. I can see how it must add to the stress you're all under, but just remember, your mum can't help it. Anxiety is an illness just like a physical illness and cannot instantly be overcome, no matter what the situation. Your mum will no doubt find the loss of her husband incredibly difficult, but in some ways it may give her the push she needs to try to start tackling her anxiety (once she's starting dealing with her grief, naturally).
Please try not to resent your mum, I'm sure deep down she is punishing herself enough for being unable to visit your dad alone. Could you and your family set up a rota so you know when you have days when you're not responsible for your mum? It may ease the pressure slightly if you know there are days when you don't have to deal with that and sorting childcare etc.
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*Have faith in yourself and you will achieve, for miracles happen when you believe*