Long term anxiety

[stevejd]

Hi, this is my first post. In a weird sort of way, I feel like I'm actually coming out of a pit of anxiety - notwithstanding it's still something of a daily chore.

I actually came here after seeing the motorway anxiety thread - as it's something I suffer with. I think some years ago I got used to a certain level of anxiety - so I'd pushed on through them. But it's not a pleasant existence. Thankfully I have an exceptionally strong desire to live.

Still that doesn't make it any easier. I began to wonder what it was like not to live in a constant state of anxiety and panic attacks. I became exceptionally good at masking it from people. But it's incredibly draining, and there's only so long you can keep going on like that.

So I decided to solve the problem by quitting my job, and resolving the problem myself. In the process I've actually started up my own tutoring business. Which is much more to my strengths, and helps me work on some of my weaknesses.

About 2 months ago I broke my toe - and in a weird sort of way it helped my anxiety. Although I've never self harmed, I can understand now why people do. Real pain does somehow cut through the mental stuff. I was actually calm for the first time for as long as I can remember because I had something that was difficult to ignore.

It was only short term however - not long after the calm, came the most extreme panic attacks I've had for a long time. I was convinced that my number was up, that I was losing complete circulation in my extremities. Of course in my rational mind I came to realise this was because I was suffering more extreme panic attacks.

I still keep thinking to myself that I'm going to lose the toe I broke because it's still not properly healed. Medical opinion doesn't seem to go with that thought thankfully - but doesn't stop my mind thinking it.

People through my life have suggested coping techniques - and very few have helped to be honest (long term anyway). The best thing I've found - and it's a relatively recent discovery - is routine. I'm not the biggest fan of rigid structures - but perhaps it's a necessary evil.

[Cyberchondriac]

Thanks for sharing Steve. It sounds great that you have started your own tutoring business and I wish you all the best with it!!

I could have written your post - not least because my name is Steve J D in real life but also have the motorway anxiety (which started up at the beginning of this year, never had it before), left my job recently and am looking to go into teaching or tutoring. It's something I had a go at last year, on a career break in Japan, and loved it. Just looking at different routes at the moment.

I think I agree with you that routine is an effective coping technique, though having said that my anxiety seems to have decreased a little since leaving my last job (which honestly I dreaded going into every day!) But I've found when I plan the day ahead in the morning it seems better.

All the best,

Steve

[stevejd]

Thanks Steve! Great name It really is a small world I guess. I definitely feel better since my decision to leave my job - it's really given me the chance to improve how I respond to my anxieties, and given me the ability to discover what I enjoy in life.

Many thanks,
Steve