please please help me...having the worst panic attacks of my life

[worried 101]

I am having really bad panic attacks and there so bad that i couldnt sleep and felt that i needed to share my feelings with people that would understand me.
Its quite a long story but here goes, firstly my boyfriend and I had a week off work(he has two kids from a previous relationship and they were on holiday with their mum)now as much as I love the children I still have my anxious moments especially when ive not seen them more a while.
Also my partner has a very rare heart condition and during the holiday got news from his nurse that he would have to have a pace maker fitted which he is extremely worried about and made him irritable and distant from me at times.after the holiday ive been going through a real bout of depression and anxiety, havent been able to go to work for a week and at first i thought maybe the week off, being anxious about seeing my partners children etc were to blame.
But having now seen his children it was totally fine, although was a bit panicked at first it was fine in the end and started feeing better.
However tonight i have had the worst panic attacks ever, and its centred around my relationship, I love my partner dearly but since his news he has been really worried and distant and because of my depression I havent really been able to be there for him as much as I would like to have been.
But straight away thats made my anxiety focus negatively on my relationship,i have horrible intrusive thoughts such as, what if we dont work?what if he stays irritable and distant all the time?what if this isnt my anxiety and my true feelings?I have to say that I have often had relationship anxiety and always come through it but its just really strong atm and so horrible. I have to say I really do love my partner,we have talked about children and a couple of weeks ago nothing would have made me happier for him to propose so i dont know where these anxieties have suddenly come from but they are terrifying me.
My partner goes in for an mri on tuesday aand is really worried and has enought to deal with without me breaking down but i really dont know what to do
.please please any advice would be amazing.thanks.x

[nomorepanic]

Hi

I find that really hard to read - can you add some paragraphs please

[worried 101]

sorry about that!was in such a rush to write it all down!

[Jamesflames]

As a chap I feel qualified to say that in times of massive worry we often withdraw into our own little world and seem really distant. My wife made me read Mars and Venus once and it made the point that men and women deal with worries in different ways. This is often not easy for our partners to deal with but is just part of our coping strategy.

It seems likely that your patch of high anxiety is also because of his health. Our brains will try anything to pin anxious thoughts onto other things and to make us doubt our relationships, feelings, etc but you should try to remember that your happier state of a few weeks ago is the real you. This patch of anxiety is just because of what is upsetting you right now and doesn't mean anything deeper than that you are really worried for your fella.

Good luck with it all.

[worried 101]

Thanks for the advice james.good to hear a male perspective.i feel alot better todau,not so panicky so hopefully on the up.
Its just so horrible when you go through it and the anxiety attacking my relationships is just horrible as they are so important to me.hopefully will happen less and less now.
Thanks again for your thoughts,I definetly think your right about being worried about my partner and it manifesting as anxiety about my relationship.
Thanks for helping me put things into perspective.x