A bit of moral support...

[Shaznayhawkes]

This is my first main thread so bear with me!
I have anxiety and intrusive thoughts, the intrusive thoughts being based around my relationship and worrying I don't love my partner. These 'episodes' tend to be around times of change or stress, but also around the holidays which I have off as I work in a school. I try to be aware that the anxiety and thoughts may occur during these times but as much as I try to stay in control, sometimes it just overwhelms me and escalates into full blown panic.
I'm currently feeling quite anxious, a constant nervous feeling that I'm having to 'fight off.' I know it's a catch 22 of worrying that I'm going to have the thoughts about my partner as he is now starting a weeks holiday with me and I don't want to spoil it, I've been looking forward to it for ages! I don't want to feel anxious but it's so hard to keep it at bay. We're off to london later in the week for a bit of sightseeing and the last thing i want is to have a melt down there! so any tips or words of reassurance would be greatly recieved!

[Tessar]

Hi Shaneeka, Welcome to NMP & it's good that you've been able to share how you are feeling. This place is really great for offloading and feeling that you arent alone with your thoughts and feelings.
One of my biggest fears (going back years b4 I was ever in a relationship) was that I would "run out of love" for my special person (if I ever found one that is). Well, I have been with someone over 15 years now and "the inevitable" hasn't happened. Of course our relationship has changed in some ways but that's just the normal course of long-term relationships. You work at it together as you go along.
Maybe if you focus more on how much you are looking forward to this holiday & rather than trying to force yourself to feel a certain way, see if you can go with the flow, be natural..... a big ask I know but maybe it'll help. To enjoy your feelings for your partner because you obviously do love them very much.
Thing is, love is very complicated isn't it? I used to think I didn't really know what love is or that I would never really find out what it is. But now I know it comes in many different forms. There are no "rules" about it, that's why I say to go with the flow. I'm no expert but if I look back over the years, I think in the end, regardless of the various fears & worries I had about whether my feelings would last, the bottom line is.... I have spent all this time with a person who makes me happy. She looks out for me & helped me & stuck by me throughout my depression. There have been times I have needed to support her too. All this just made our bond stronger & we are still going strong.
So you see, even if we are filled with fear about things... They can work out.
So you have a good time & enjoy exploring the big smoke!

[Shaznayhawkes]

Thank you. It helps to know that I'm not alone and that other people have had similar experiences. Some great advice, thanks again!