I've been using the forum regularly for 8 months but haven't started any threads, I dip in and out of others, posting my progress and supporting others and have found it really helpful and supportive. I feel the time has come to create a thread, partly to ask for support, advice and encouragement but also to record my journey without hijacking other threads all the time.

A brief history, I first had a panic attack at the age of 26 when suffering from post natal depression, I tried some tricyclic antidepressants but they made me very dopey and didn't help the panic so I stopped after a month, the panic and depression lasted a few months but I coped. Aged 30 I had some panic attacks and general anxiety again after moving house with two young children but slowed down, took time off work and it went.

Then 33 I had a 'major episode' (don't know what else to call it), don't know what the exacerbating factors were but for 10 months I had crippling anxiety became agrophobic for a while, this lead to depression and eventually hospitalisation - which was of little help. Back then (this was 2003) I had CBT, psychoanalysis, art therapy, tried Citalopram, Venlafexine and Imipramine. The SSRI's gave me intolerable anxiety - electric current running through my body, the shakes, basically a fear of living, the Imipramine made me sleepy but didn't help much. I started Prozac at very low dose (2mg liquid increasing daily) at the start of 2004, increasing the doseage to 40mg daily and I went back to being me.

Life for 8 years had been really good, taking between 20-80mg Prozac weekly, I'm crap with meds and forget to take them, if I left too long between doses I get a bit irritable and it reminded me to take it. In March of this year, now aged 42, I realised I had not been taking the Prozac much, had been extreme dieting, chronically stressed and suffering with frequent colds and I started to feel overwhelmed and anxious, I immediately started on 40mg of Prozac again and had all the side effects of SSRI start up and 'broke down' again. I had 12 weeks off work, reduced the Prozac to 20mg a day - increased to 40mg after a month without improvement - took that for a month without improvement and after decreasing it to 10mg a day started to improve.

From June to September I improved vastly, I had the 'blips' lasting up to a week but generally feeling good. However, for the last month I have been on a definate downward trend. I have been taking 20mg of Prozac every 3 days for the last 4 months, although this is not the recognised therapeutic dose the clinical trials report that 5mg of Prozac is effective in those sensitive to medication and it's worked for me for the past 9 years (or has it???). I increased the dose to 20mg every other day - with an exacerabation in anxiety.

So to now, with frequent panic attacks, nearly constant high anxiety causing chest pain, diarrhea etc I have come to the conclusion that Prozac is no longer working for me, the side effects of taking it at high doses outweigh the benefits of taking it. I took my last tablet on Wednesday and have been prescribed Escitalopram liquid to start a week after the medication free period. I am armed with Diazepam, Zopiclone, Claire Weeks CD's & books, my CBT info, relaxation and breathing resources, a massage booked for Wednesday and the support of my family and friends. I'm going to be drinking a lot of Camomile tea, eating well and walking the dog in this bracing cold air too.

I'm still in two minds about starting the Escitalopram - I may go med free but after 9 years I'm scared my brain has forgotton how to function without medication and it's nice to have the option of the medication isn't it?

I'd love to hear from anyone, particularly those who have come off meds after a long period, those who have gone med free, those having a bad time at the moment, anyone on Escitalopram or infact anyone at all

Thanks for reading

Love and hugs to all

Sam x