Tufty's diary

[Tufty]

Day 12 - 7mg Escitalopram
Woke frequently in the night with a humdinger of a headache and consequently felt tired, anxious and low in mood this morning, I was thinking how am I going to get through today, I'll take a Diazepam and come back to bed. Then I saw the NLP guy........
It's not a miracle, quick fix, easy cure all but I'm going to give it my all and I'm going to become anxiety free and beat depression with the help of the NLP techniques. I am taking back control of how I feel, I am taking action to be happy and content again. I'm not denying that I feel very low in mood, but I am questioning my negative thinking, this is just the depression and anxiety taking hold and not me and I am re phrasing my self talk into more uplifting and positive statements.
The NLP thing is quite confusing with lots of different methods and techniques and I'm not sure how much I'll remember in the morning but one thing that will stick is that I ran a marathon last year, I'm not that young or fit but because I was determined to do it and focused on the end result - I succeeded, therefore if I focus on being content and happy and persisitantly challenge the negative thoughts I will be successful in reclaiming my life.
I will continue with the meds, despite his reluctance in me taking antidepressants, I will stop them if I feel they are not working or I do not need them any longer - which I would not consider for at least 6 months.
Yes, I am still tired, achy and nauseas but it is not going to stop me being the best I can be right now. So I'm off to the gym at 9 in the morning, then to do some work, run the kids around and do some shopping. I may need more rest whilst these new meds settle down and I will continue to take care of myself but I am not letting these thoughts in my head stop me living the life I deserve now. Hey I've even baked the Christmas cake this afternoon! a little late I accept but I feel better for achieving something.
Right end of clichied post.
Love and hugs to all
Sam

[clio51]

Hi Sam

Is NLP where you use the tapping technique say on the side of you head or your face?

[Tufty]

No that's EFT - can't remember what it stands for but it's similar to NLP.
Neuro Linguistic Programming is focused on the 'self talk' and the way in which we see ourselves, it reprogrammes your brain to think, feel, see etc in a positive way not so much ignoring the negative but questioning and challenging the negative thoughts. It is similar to CBT, but CBT just looks at your negative behaviour and challenging it, NLP goes one step further and gets you focussing on a positive future, not just 'overcoming' anxiety or dealing with a problem but looking at your life in a new way, a life full of energy, wonder and exciting things (I've got a bit of work to do on picturing that one )
Sam

[Tufty]

Day 13,
I had to come back on just to re read my own posts from yesterday - having a panic and how can I get through today moment. So I've been to the gym and was anxious there but stayed an hour , I was counting the minutes some of the time, I had gone with a friend who said stay until 10am I would of left earlier if it was just me and I am proud of that I stayed, despite feeling horrible.
Still shaky and questioning myself alot but I believe in my statements yesterday, I have one life and I need to live it now. The meds start up is pretty awful but I am determined and will float through the panic, focus on me returning to my 'normal' happy optomistic self and question my negative thought patterns.
Right off to shower and then to work
Love and hugs to all those struggling
Remember this too will pass
Sam

[stormyok10]

Love, Love, Love your positive attitude Sam, wish I could be the same but it really tires you out all these horrid feelings & mind chatters & getting no respite from it xx

[Tufty]

Thanks Stormy,
Day 13
Still waiting for this to pass and it can't come quick enough
I've kept busy all day but the feelings of dread are with me constantly, I'm trying hard to ignore the negative mind chatter but it's exhausting and I'm ready for bed.
We are going to make tomorrow a better day guys, we're going to float through the panic and give ourselves lots of positive self talk
Night
Sam

[Tunnel]

Sam: In my experience you are in the worst period for adjusting to the meds. As i told Karen a month or so ago, I found day 10 to day 20 by a country mile the worst period adjusting to med. Day 20 - 30 it gets a little better and by Day 30 i was feeling almost back to normal.

I had negative feelings too for a short time during the first few weeks. It WILL get better though.

Hang in there.

Mike

[Tufty]

Thanks Mike I'm day 14, 8mg and feeling better today
Second night without sleeping tablets and slept for about 7 hours on and off so pretty good.
I've been to the gym again, after having an unenjoyable time there yesterday I made a resolve to go back and practice again. I changed the routine a bit and felt OK most of the time, a few 'moments' but nothing I couldn't cope with.
I feel more in control of my thoughts today, I think that's what I've struggled most with starting escit. is it seems to make me feel detached and not like me at all, the nausea, headaches and jaw clenching are easier to cope with than the mental fog it has put me in. BUT the fog is lifting today, it's not happening suddenly but I can feel a shift in my thoughts and feelings. I believe it's the meds and me working at the NLP stuff, challenging my negative thinking and probably stopping the sleeping tablets has helped clear my mind too!
I can see and feel the real me again, I'm not back yet but I'm on my way
Love and hugs
Sam

[katy2104]

Hi Sam I have read your posts as a way of helping me through. I am currently taking ecit; day 13 at 15mg after starting on 5mg. All in all I have been taking for about a month. My current state is grief related and I feel like I will never recover from this. I have always been so independant, I have 2 children 13 and 15 and have been mostly single since my divorce. I have always been content with this and felt proud at how I cope. However right now I feel so alone and consumed with my depression and anxiety. I am having counselling but struggling with intrusive thoughts. I just pray this medication will help me 'find' myself again.

[Tufty]

That's quite a quick increase in dose Katy, I guess you've been advised to increase like this but I imagine that the side effects will return with each increase in dose. I was told it takes 2 weeks at each dose to level out and that 10mg was the standard dose, I'm nearly there and have to say today has been the best day of the last week. I've read on another forum that the Escitalopram takes up to 6 weeks at 10mg (or more) to work with some people but can work within a week on others and the initial effects include depression, intrusive thoughts and increase in anxiety. I know I've had an increase in all these symptoms since starting but as I say Day 14 today and they seem to be settling.

My children are 14 and 16 - I'm fortunate to have a supportive partner, I've read your other posts and am sorry about the loss of your sister and dad - I can not imagine how that must feel. I don't know why I'm like I am, I've had nothing like that happen, my life is just as I want it to be and like you I am usually content - I don't think there is a often a rationale for why we feel as awful as we do as rational thinking leaves us.
Please remember you are not alone, alot of people on this forum have been exactly where you are now and we can support you through this time. You are still you, you are just lost in a fog, all your old spark and spirit will return when the fog lifts and that will happen with the help of counselling and medication and this will just be a bad memory. Hold on to the fact that it will not last forever, it cannot, life is worth living and you will soon find your mojo again, just hang on in there x
Take Care
Love Sam