Tufty's diary

[Emphyrio]

Good to hear I'm just drinking lots of orange juice to get the stuff out of my system. My restless legs have improved a lot, but the libido/sexual aspect has still not improved much...:(

[Tufty]

Day 17, 7/10
Still got a cold but better, a few waves of anxiety but fleeting and managable.
I have decided to stop using NMP so much, I'm going to try having a break from thinking about anxiety - I read most of the posts and feel alot of empathy with alot of them and am now questioning if this is helping me. I try to encourage and advise people and give 100% but I'm going to take some time away from NMP.
Love to all
Take Care
Sam x

[Piano]

Dear Sam, thank you for your very encouraging posts, they have helped me a lot lately. Taking a break from nmp may be a good idea, I have thought of that myself, I am a bit hooked at the moment
By the way, have you tried emdr therapy?

[Tufty]

Day 24 without medication, been feeling 7-8/10 most of the week.
Physically I'm much better, my tongue tingling is lessening and not as constant, no chest pain or palpitations or nausea.
I've had a few panic attacks but I deal with them differently now I'm off the meds, I still get a wave of fear, flash hot, prickling feeling - like the hairs all over my body are standing on end and my automatic thought is still 'oh no' but I can sit them out easier and ignore them.
I'm try not to give the anxiety anytime, I've had a busy week at work and have had lots of other stuff going on which always helps. I continue to do relaxation and take some time for me though.
I've had a few wobbles and thought about starting escitalopram but trying to get by with positive thinking and keeping busy.
Love Sam

[karenp]

Goood luck Sam, I just came off Mirtazapine and had bad withdrawal symptoms but they passed really quickly. I've just started Escitalopram and am doign ok on it, just some bad insomnia and very low mood early on but otherwise I'm doing ok on it (:

[Tufty]

Day 34 without medication, feeling 7-8/10
I've had one panic attack in the past 10 days, I had been picked up and driven about 10 miles from home, stood in a hot house, mostly with people I didn't know and had a horrible 15 minutes of 'oh no, I'll have to go home, ring my husband to come and get me, but I haven't got my phone etc etc' I did nothing, just stood there and tried to get out of the catastrophic thinking and it passed. I didn't have a great night but I didn't leave and parts of it were enjoyable so I think I'm OK.

I've been out the theatre twice in 10 days and out for a meal too, I sat in the middle on an aisle without panic, I still get the 'what if' thoughts and think too hard about how I feel rather than just being, it's a work in progress. I feel anxious most days but not severely, I still feel low too but not as bad as when on the Prozac. I'm accepting every invitation that comes my way and no matter how I feel I'm going to go out there and do stuff, I'm fed up of saying 'I'll do that when I've conquered this anxiety' or 'I'm not feeling up to that at the moment because of the panic', it's not easy or enjoyable but I'm finding it possible. I don't want to look back in 10 years time and say why did I waste so much time on that anxiety crap, it will not define who I am and what I do.

I've been getting stressed at work and angry with one of my work colleagues who does not pull their weight. This anger is not good for me, it makes me tired, miserable and tense, I've talked to some friends and family about the situation and that helps but I still find myself mulling over how unjust the work situation is and this makes me cross. I haven't been feeling 100% for most of this year so in the greater scheme of things work is not important, my health and well being are far more important, I know this but cannot seem to stop worrying and ranting about this persons actions at work. On reflection I need to put this into perspective, as long as I'm OK that's all that matters and stop giving this person time in my thoughts.

Physically I still get the odd twitchy muscle/eyelid twitch and burning in my mouth but it's much better. I still take all the supplements recommended to me and I think they are helping. I eat fairly well, still more than necessary when stressed but not too bad. I've had no chest pain, palpitations, sweats, nausea, diarrhoea or numbness since stopping the Prozac , so physically alot better. I'm still contemplating starting running again, it's a bit cold though

Mentally, I'm OK, anxious and sometimes low but less panicky, depressed or scared since stopping the Prozac. I do have days thinking 'is this it then?' - that kind of is this as good as it gets then?, funny really because I wouldn't say I'm depressed I sleep well, eat well, take more pride in my appearance etc but those negative thoughts are still there - I'm reading a bit about the power of attraction and it does make sense - negative thinking provides no helpful qualities, optomism and positive thinking will improve our mental state and attitude - I guess it's a habit I need to break. Hence the reason I do not post on NMP much anymore, when I'm feeling stronger again I will resume posting to help others but at the moment I am sticking to reading the success stories - we need more and I hope to post mine on there very soon
Love
Sam

[clio51]

Best of luck Sam

But I do think once you have had anxiety/depression and managed to lower or get a break from it, I do think with life stresses it rises it ugly head again.

I have suffered on and off for over 30 years with breaks of years, only for it to comeback and floor you when you think you have finally got rid off it. With each time you think you have more skills and determination to deal with it but it is still as intense and crippling.

Best wishes xx

[Tufty]

Thanks for the wishes Clio, I agree with your comments, I've had anxiety on and off for 16 years now and know it's something I have to accept but won't let it rule my life anymore.
Day 38,
I've had increased anxiety for the past couple of days, a few panic attacks and generally feeling jittery and low. I'm balancing keeping busy with relaxation, I've got things planned for everyday this week as I've got a week off and will keep going. I've decided to give it until Tuesday - that will be 6 weeks without Prozac and if the anxiety is still at an increased level I will start the Escitalopram. I continue to work at positive thinking but after 40 years with low confidence my thinking is so ingrained it's hard work.
Hope everyone else is OK
Love Sam

[Emphyrio]

Hi Sam,

I was off fluoxetine for around 4 weeks, but 5 days ago I had to reinstate because I was experiencing what I thought were withdrawal symptoms. While not quite as bad as when I came of citalopram, I was still experiencing small 'brain zaps' when trying to sleep. I also started worrying about a lot of things again and had a period of time when I felt utterly depressed and gloomy about everything.

Since I started taking it again the 'brain zaps' have gone away and I've felt a bit more upbeat. Have you considered going back on fluoxetine, stabilising, and then coming off it very gradually (say, over the space of 5 months)? It could be the feelings you're experiencing are withdrawal symptoms, even on a small dose of a medication with a long half life...

[Thumbelina]

Hi Sam,
Well done on steps taken.
It is a challenge either to start or stop medications.
I was on cipralex 20, 10 and 5 mg for 4 years and then slowly over 6 m stopped them and havent even noticed it, i was skipping then taking few days...and etc.
Then after over a year, on nov 17th new episode came. One week after that i started 5mg cipralex - though doc told me 10. I was scared to do 10 straight../
I had the ground for this occurance but still didnt wait for it. Its been hard 2 weeks after attack as the following aftershocks, anxiety and every possible symptom felt unbearable. I had to make some drastic changes to distract myself - to go on drip at the hospital for dehydration, to move with the kids to the friends house for 3 days, to travel on 7 hrs flight to see my husband who i didnt find in a very good shape...
I have lots of somatic symptoms daily and have anx peak daily but nothing like the week following attack, i would lie if i say i am the same... But i wish i was 100% myself now.
It takes time i guess with these things..
I wish you to go along with all your sideeffects and withdrawal symptoms for the sake of giving it a chance...
Stay positive