Tufty's diary

[AnxiousBaker]

I`m sorry to hear that the trazodone isnt working for you! I agree that most GP`s are only trained in the basic MH issues and they all seem to have a top 3-4 go to meds for all problems. This is something ive noticed form my experience. If their chosen meds dont work they seem a little stumped or reluctant to dish out something more costly. Then the wait for a psychiatrist or CBT etc can be so long, if you get a referal that is!
What meds have you tried before Sam? It might be worth asking reception if any of the doctors at your surgery have MH experience if you are not happy with your current GP.

[daisydaisy]

Thank you all.

No change. I've lost faith in the medical profession, apart from the lack of empathy and care, I do question their knowledge of MH problems too. I can't refer myself back to the crisis team apparently it's got to be done by a GP.

I think my problem is just anxiety and depression Daisy, about 13 years ago I did have a MRI of my head after getting numbness and dizziness after a long period of stress. I learnt that it was just anxiety and have accepted it as that. The Trazodone has caused me to have migraines, a tingly, numb face and a some strange vision but the same thing happened with Dosulepin and the headaches and vision problems stopped when I stopped the drug.

Interestingly a friend of mine started experiencing panic attacks about 8 years ago and was put on Mirtazapine which helped. Over the next few years she went through periods of wellness but increasing episodes of panic, nausea, headaches and felt unwell and had to resign from her job. 4 years ago she went for a eye test and was found to have a brain tumour. She says as soon as she woke up from the surgery she felt different and better and although anxious at times she has never had a panic attack since. She's had radiotherapy and chemo and is OK. I'm not saying that everyone with panic symptoms has a medical reason but that sometimes Dr's are so quick to put everything down to anxiety that they fail to do the basic medical checks.

I've struggled on and off with anxiety and depression for 17 years and have had more problems with medication than success. If it was anxiety alone I think I could manage it medication free - maybe with the odd Diazepam, if it was depression alone I could work with it and get out there and do things to help lift it. It's the combination of both that is debilitating and I find so hard to live with. My life is good, I have a great family and friends, we laugh lots and have lots in life to enjoy but I feel unwell.

I'll survive the day, I have no other option.
Sam

Hi Sam,

I'm so sorry to hear everything you've been through. You've really been through the ringer with all this and I just wish you could get some relief. I know it's cold comfort but you really are coping with things everyday. I'm sorry that the MRI didn't show anything but also relieved too- you can beat this I promise you. I know it might not feel that way but we're all here for you. Keep going or as I read in the new Bridget Jones book- Keep Bugg***** On! KBO!

I'm so sorry to hear about your good friend. I can't believe doctors sometimes- BTs are so rare that I think they cannot always (and don't have the time) to make a proper diagnosis. I don't blame my GP but a speech and language therapist I have met along the way said that they have about one in seven thousand patients that gets a brain tumour and for me I didn't have any of the typical symptoms apart from the depression and extreme panic and the seizures when they started. My doctors had the decency to write me a note to say sorry but ever since when I visit them they are still so blasé! I think it's because I asked for a second opinion for the surgery but that's another story! Sadly I think it all comes down to money these days and whoever shouts the loudest.

Anyways I hope that you have got somewhere today with your GP surgery. Keep calling them and keep updating us all here. We're all here to support you through. I know it gets lonely and it feels like nobody understands but we do. Massive hugs hun you'll get there I promise. Try and do things you enjoy, take deep breaths, mediate and go for long walks- I sometimes find a routine helps. Some days I would lie in bed as that can help too I think but also keep focussing on you and getting better. I promise it has to happen- there is no other alternative.

Lots of love xx

[clio51]

Hi Sam,

How's it going? Any better?

xx

[karenp]

Sam I am so so sorry you feel so terrible still, I feel for you totally darl as we all do knowing how terrible this illness is. You have suffered so much. Just take the Diazepam if it helps, whatever it takes to feel normal, I have taken Lorazepam for over a year now and one pill is like 10mg of Diazepam and I aren't worrying over addiction at all, I will deal with that when I feel I no longer need it and slowly taper off. Same goes for the Zopiclone, I have been on it on an doff for 20 months now and am currently on a 2 week break and may even try to cope without it now I am much better anxiety wise.
I used to want to be admitted to hospital too just to feel safe but they would never take me in unless I refused meds the crisis team said but as I was taking the pills and not threatening suicide or ringing up for help every time I had those kind of thoughts, they said I was ok as an out patient because there was no real signs of danger to myself, it was just the irrational thinking tat goes with the illness snot real risks of self harm. And when you do begin to feel well again you see that more clearly xxx But I totally identify with those desperate feelings that lead you to call the NHS, which always help me.
Most of all Sam, from my point of view looking in at you from the outside, you are one strong lady so never forget that!!! I know it won't feel like it to you but you are very strong to have coped feeling so terrible, I admire you girl and you will get through this in the end hugs Karen xxxx

[nicola1980]

Hi Sam, just wondering how you are as you've not posted for a while xx

[Tufty]

I'm sorry I haven't posted, answered any messages or been on the site for so long, I needed a break from NMP but wanted to report back.

I sadly got much worse and did the unthinkable and took an overdose on 10/11/2013. I won't go into details as it's too distressing but 10 days in an acute psych unit (which was traumatic) and 6 weeks in a brilliant community rehab unit and I slowly got better.

I now take 30mg Mirtazapine and 150mg Venlafaxine and Clonazepam as needed. It's been a bumpy ride with many medication changes. I was on Mirtazapine 45mg alone but with little effect, within 36 hours of adding the ven I felt better. Initially I improved quickly but the Ben has had to be gradually increased to 150mg. I have good days and not so good. I've been back at work for 5 months, I went back before I was really ready because of pressure from work to resign but works been OK, it keeps me busy and distracted.

Sadly in my area there is no psychological therapy available on the NHS so I am saving to see a psychologist privately which I hope to be able to start shortly.

I'm going through a blip at the moment but will post on the ven forum for advice. Thank you for all your help, good wishes and support over the years. I guess I wanted to say never give up, there is always something that will help you.

Sam

[bernie1977]

Sam I'm so sorry to hear all that you have been through. It's sounds like things are on the up for you now and well done in getting back to work that's an excellent achievement after what you've been through.

Sending you best wishes xx

[Bramwell]

Glad to read you're okay Sam.
Gently, progress onward and upward. x

[swgrl09]

Wow, I'm so glad you are ok. Look at the progress you've made - going back to work and everything. You got through this so you can get through anything.

[SarahH]

WOW..Sam so glad to hear from you at last....I have looked for your posts for months and been worried about you.

Keep in touch

Sarah