Lonely Tonight. Hubby doesn't care

[cat85pink]

hey, just feel sad tonight, and have nobody to talk to,

our friends are up visiting they arranged for all our girl mates to get together, i struggle with planned meets so i asked our visiting friends if we could go early so we could also see her new baby before bed, we missed dinner but was lovely seeing them, we picked up a takeaway on our way home,

15 mins after eating, hubby says hes meeting all the lads, he knew i was trying my best as i was hoping to meet the girls later (i cant think of going during eating or im to anxious)

he goes out 9-11.30pm every night anyway, i thought he'd just let me take my time (i wanted a lift off him though)

i asked him to just stay home as i felt a bit upset, but he just said 'well you know I like going out babe'

i got a bit teary, but he just slammed the door & went,

it breaks my heart that i sit in alone every night, i feel like he doesnt care, but without him i wouldn't even get out, since being with him ive got so much better, now i feel like i need him otherwise id have no quality of life, he might stay in a few days as he knows im upset, but it never lasts, i'm tired of feeling like this, we are looking to move house, trying for a baby, and im having CBT i feel like my minds gonna explode with all these emotions,

[Daisy Sue]

Aw :( Sorry to hear you're feeling so miserable. Do your girlfriends know how difficult socialising is for you right now? Maybe you could ask them round for a girlie night in, & let hubby go out with the lads at the same time.

It won't be like this forever.. you've already proven that you can go out, albeit you feel you need your husband to achieve this just now, but hopefully you'll get your confidence back, and start to do little things on your own.

[cat85pink]

hi yes my friends know, they dont understand but they try, they all have kids & we live 25min walk from theres so its harder for them to get to me, although they do now & then when hubby gives them a lift, i wouldn't mind him going out then, but every night is getting too much, i think he's being selfish, but maybes im hard to live with as when we do go out i have to be in control of time place etc, but he knew this when we married, he carrys on like hes single (with his mates, not other girls)

[Daisy Sue]

Difficult one :( It might be that he just doesn't understand - through no fault of his own, sometimes people don't know how crippling anxiety can be unless they've ever felt it themselves.

Have you got any family nearby?

[cat85pink]

yeah
my mum is 5mins away, and my sister & nephews 10 mins, my brother & sister in law 10 mins away, his sister is 10 mins away surrounded by good people
& his best mate 20 mins away who he sees every night :(

just don't feel right, think ive got too much going on at once, and my mind is running, i would like to go to relationship advice as i don't think we talk enough & he puts himself before me every night, its what he wants, a few times a week would be a compromise between us both, plus he says when we have a baby he will have to stay home more, but i think he'll just say well baby is a sleep he'll pop out & 7 nights week it gets lonely

[Daisy Sue]

I think most wives/partners would be fed up of being left alone so many evenings.. I know I would!

Yeah, talking is the key to any relationship, & if you feel you can't do this without help, then I'd agree some intervention might be good for the both of you.

It's good that you have family members not far... I'd make sure they know how you're feeling - a bit of family rallying round might help a lot.

[cat85pink]

my family are lovely but peoples opinion of whats good is different,

my sisters ex is a loser & never sees his kids, so she thinks im lucky my hubby is nice

my brother works full time & thinks my hubby is a little bit lazy & should only go out once a week,

my mum loves my hubby to bits but thinks im right to be upset but says its my fault as i put up with it, & if i want respect i shouldn't let him walk all over me & upset me, so should stop cooking & cleaning for him & say if he wants to go out like a single man with his mates then feed himself etc haha my dad was brilliant and him & my mum were together 40 years before he died & she never had much of an argument,

[Daisy Sue]

Hmm.. well, I'm not too sure about your Mum's advice. She's right that you need to speak up for yourself, as your needs within the marriage are just as important as your husband's... but stopping cooking etc for him I think might only drive you further apart, which makes it harder to come back from.

Maybe just try and talk calmly to him, be truthful about everything & try not to point any fingers of blame.. If he cares about you and wants this to work, he'll listen.

Good luck honey.. I know it's hard, especially when we're not feeling that strong inside, but marital happiness is often one of those things that won't happen unless you work at it & reach mutual understanding & respect. x

[cat85pink]

Yes I agree with you if I stop doing things then so will he and dont get me wrong sometimes he does things for me because I cant, hes had to drive me back from the shopping before and go back and get it alone as I was so anxious,

It just hurts more that he walk out when I was upset, and he should of been here to cuddle, we weren't arguing I just asked him to stay home,

Thanl you for all your help, its nice to talk to someone, youve really helped me tonight x

[Daisy Sue]

You're welcome, & good luck. If you ever want to pm me, feel free. xx