Feeling physically 'ill' and docs anxiety
I have been feeling so 'ill' again. The flu ache description I read in another post is perfect. I feel exhausted when I wake up and a little nauseous, I sometimes describe it as how I imagine morning sickness could feel (I am definately NOT pregnant). Aching neck, shoulders and the tops of my arms. Feels like a heavy weight. Heart flutters and sometimes a tight chest and ache in my left arm, which leads to a panic about my heart. Upset tummy. All-over aches and pains, especially my left side back hip and leg joints.
It's like a domino effect, you feel one symptom then the others all follow suit.
My main issue at the moment is the utter exhaustion. I just feel like all the energy has been drained out of me. It's usually worse in the mornings, but not always and the more I think about it the more I feel it, but trying to distract myself is hard when I am so tired.
Really bad today and of course this leads to panic about my health and the assumption that I must be dying of some horrible illness. I've had these symptoms before and for many years, but somehow this doesn't help to ease my mind. I always feel like 'this time it's worse'. It probably isn't.
The problem I have is that I am terrified to go to the docs, always have been. Not a very good Hypochondriac! I had my first ever set of blood tests done about 3 months back because I had a huge panic attack and the exhaustion and run down feeling was really bad. Mum took me to see my GP who said I should have them done even though she knew there would be nothing wrong. The scariest week of my life waiting for the tests and the results. Couldnt get out of bed, had to drink build-up shakes cos I couldn't eat. Slept most of the time. Turns out I have slightly high cholesterol, so I am improving my diet, have quit smoking and am trying to do some exercise. (Although I am finding it hard at the moment with such little energy) This also has created an even bigger fear about my heart, so I am noticing every little twinge and heart flutter
On a follow up visit about my new Sertraline meds the Doctor went through my test results again to remind herself of them and asked how I was getting on with diet etc. She said she thought I might have had some kind of virus cos some of my other levels were slightly out, but she hadn't said that to me when she originally called me to give me my test results and almost said it under her breath, like a throw-away comment, so she obviously wasn't concerned. She said as I had been feeling a bit unwell when I last came in with the panic attacked etc she put it down to that... I am now worrying about it... if some of my other levels were out, why didn't she tell me in the first place when she originally called me following the tests? Especially as she knew my symptoms of feeling exhausted and run down. She called me really quickly too, as soon as the results came in, as she knew how scared I was about waiting for them, but only said about the Cholesterol and that everything else was fine. I know I am over-analysing the whole thing, but that's what I do! She is a good and trusted family doctor, but I just keep worrying that she missed something and didn't tell me everything I needed to know. I have to have more tests done in a few months anyway to see if my Cholesterol levels have improved... I am already terrified about that, but now I am scared the other levels will be out again and that means something else could be wrong.
I just want to live my life, have energy and stop this constant worry. I was starting to get used to the Sertraline after changing over from Escitalopram and I am going through therapy at the moment, which is amazing, but bringing up a lot of stuff that I have to deal with on the emotional side, so maybe that has something to do with all this. This last week has just been really bad and my panic seems to be testing me. I am now not only worrying about my heart/cholesterol, but now about these other results. I don't want to go back to how I felt 3 months ago when I had the panic attack
It just feels like I take 1 step forward and then 2 steps back. Can anyone else relate to any of what I am saying?
Wow I sound like such a moan
Reply With Quote
It certainly does help to feel like I am not alone. I feel so ridiculous trying to explain this to people who don't suffer with anxiety, so I just don't bother most of the time. Bottling it up doesn't help though, so having this forum is such a relief.
