Having a bit of a blip :(

[emlica]

I'd been suffering with a bit of HA about some digestive problems I'd been having: I was convinced that my symptoms (mainly slightly loose BMs, gas, bit of nausea, lack of appetite) were the sign of something nasty, and not, as my doctor thought, just a slow recovery from a stomach bug combined with the effects of the anxiety itself.

It took two months, but at the start of September I did start to see some slight improvements, and it had been two weeks since I'd had a dodgy BM, so things were looking up, and I was feeling loads better about life in general. I had been worried that the start of my period would set things off again, as I often get dodgy guts at that time of the month, but days 1, 2, and 3 passed with no nasty symptoms. I felt SO positive, was properly looking forward to things again, started to think it was all back to normal and I'd be fine.

*Little* bit previous, it turns out. Today, day 4 of my period, things haven't been so great on the digestive front. Now, I take painkillers for period pain (paracetamol and some codeine) and logically I know that under otherwise normal circumstances, my bowels can be a little bit dodgy around this time in my period. The logical bit of me says that's all it is, perhaps combined with some mixture of food stuffs that my belly hasn't liked (since things have been looking up, I've been less careful about what I eat!), but I can feel I'm getting all anxious and a little bit weepy about it again, and I desperately need to stop myself getting back into that loop, as I'm sure the anxiety makes it all worse as well. I just don't know how to make myself believe that it's not worth worrying about.

The worst thing is the feeling of disappointment - you know, things had been really nearly back to normal so this feels like such a step backwards and I'm getting scared that it's going to keep going backwards again. Trying to persuade myself that having one day of my digestive system being a bit dodgy is nothing to worry about at all - to be honest, even before my tummy bug and all the worrying, I'd have the odd day where things weren't great, so I think I've always had a sensitive tummy or whatever - but it's not really working...

[Speranza]

I thik 'blip' is a great word. Try to visualise it as like a heart trace which dips but quickly returns to where it should be.

Hugs. xx

[emlica]

Thanks! Just really hope it is just a temporary dip. That's the thing - a day every couple of weeks, or even once a week, where things are dodgy, that would be OK, that's manageable - but inevitably I just start worrying that it means everything's going to go downhill again. Which is silly, because 2 weeks ago I had one bad day and the next day it was much better again, so no reason to think the same thing won't happen this time!

[Speranza]

Have you done any CBT? I think the bit of that cycle where you can get in and make a difference is 'I just start worrying that it means....' Predicting a catastrophic future! XX

[emlica]

No, not tried CBT. I had literally never had HA before I got this stomach bug - I probably went too far in the opposite direction, if anything, never went to see a doctor about anything if I thought it would go away on its own, never had any symptoms of anxiety or anything like it. I hoped that when my symptoms calmed down, I'd calm down, though I reckon the cause-and-effect might be in the opposite direction, realistically. I doubt that it's coincidence that the time I started feeling better was also when I went away on holiday and could relax and do nice things rather than sitting at a desk worrying about my stomach all day.

Thing is, I've been back from holiday for a couple of weeks and in those couple of weeks I've still managed to be fairly chilled out about things. Like I said, I really felt a lot more positive - I had the odd bit of anxiety about excess gas, but with the BMs improving and my appetite being definitely back to at least something like normal, I felt much better. This weekend I went out shopping on Saturday, which meant a train ride to get there and back, several hours at the shopping centre, lunch out, etc, and my guts were completely fine - I felt pretty much normal. So I know I should focus on that and not on the slightly less ideal symptoms I'm having today, as today is just one day compared to 2 whole weeks of things being better, and longer than that of things showing definite improvement. I presume something has just upset my guts today, not sure what, but hopefully if I'm careful about what I eat this evening it'll be better tomorrow.