Need advice, didn't know where to post this!

[Salab]

Hi there,
My name is Sarah and I'm from the UK. I have depression and anxiety. I really need advice from somebody. This is going to be long so I really do apologise. And sorry for any spelling mistakes as I am on my phone.

I have been suffering with anxiety and depression for nearly two years. I was getting a lot better but these last few weeks have just been hell for me. I found out I was 9 weeks pregnant last month and I had a surgical abortion, it wasn't an easy decision to make but I felt it was the right one. On finding out I was pregnant my Step-dad kicked me out of the house and I had to go and live with my Uncle.

I was doing well at my Uncles, since Saturday I was slowly starting to feel my anxiety and depression quieten down, but today I did a very stupid thing at work. I was instant messaging someone in my office and we we're basically slagging someone off who works with us and my boss saw as he can see everything everyone does on their computers (which I didn't know) and me and my friend have both been suspended from work on the grounds of bullying.

My Uncle has now decided he doesn't want me living with him if I don't have a job and has told me to leave. The thing is I have nowhere to go. I am from Manchester but my Uncle lives in Sheffield and I can't drive back to Manchester right now because of my anxiety.

Everything that's gone wrong in my life is basically my own fault. I feel like everything I have good in my life I mess it up, like my job for example I am so stupid and I feel incredibly embarrassed about all of it. My head is spinning and I just need some advice. I'm sorry if this doesn't even make sense but I needed to get it out.

Thank you to anyone who replies.

[Daisy Sue]

Hi Sarah

Sorry to hear about everything you've been through recently, and the predicament you're in right now :( Is there any other family member you can contact? Maybe you could talk to your uncle and agree a date by which you'll move out, say a fortnight from now... hopefully he'll do the right thing and give you some time to sort things out for yourself.

You could also write to your boss and apologise profusely, maybe explain that you've been over stressed with things and just got carried away with the situation - if you offered to apologise to the person concerned, he might consider giving you a second chance..

We all do stupid things, that's how we learn, so don't beat yourself up over it.. All you can do is try your best to make things better, and if you can't, move on & put it behind you.

Good luck - I hope you can find a way to get back on track, both with your job situation and home life.

[gypcyg]

Sarah everybody makes mistakes in their lives - and I mean EVERYBODY!!!! You've just got to learn from them and not repeat them. I suggest you write a letter to your boss explaining that you were fooling around with your colleague and didn't really mean what you were messaging. Apologise for any offence that it may have caused and assure him that this will never happen again. Argue the case that it wasn't technically bullying as the person you were talking about was never meant to see the messages - backstabbing yes, bullying no! There is a big difference and that point may save you from being sacked.

Before you send it maybe you should find an employment solicitor and ask for their advice - you normally get 15 mins free to explain your case, after which they will charge you, but in that 15 minutes they will tell you what procedures the company has to adhere to.


Finally get your name on the local council housing list. If the worst comes to the worst the local authority, by law, has to shelter you. It may be in the worst accommodation to start with but eventually you'll get a half decent place.

Good luck.

[nosweat]

Hi Sarah, can you tell your uncle the truth and that you will find another job pronto? I would take each day one by one. You may not feel good right know but don't think too much about what might happen in the future- it will only make your anxiety worse. Focus on right now. I hope you feel better

[Speranza]

You must be feeling terrible. BIG hug.

Well - lesson learnt at work, and that's always good. I don't think this IS technically bullying unless there had already been complaints about your behaviour towards this colleague, in which case I guess it is evidence of sorts.

I would certainly talk to your boss (who I guess may not know your recent medical history). Is it somewhere which offers counselling to the workforce? Because I think you have a helluva lot to deal with right now and could use a bit of sympathetic help. I would tell my boss everything if I were you, unless you absolutely know it would be wrong to (rather than difficult to).

Gill x

[Brunette]

Wow, what a bloody charming family you have - excuse my French!

I think, as the others have said, that the first thing you need to do is apologise to your boss and tell them what you have told us. Don't wait for him to contact you - go to him first, you will get credit for it.

If you can keep your job it's a good starting point.

After that you certainly should try to get your name on the housing list and consider looking for a flat share so that you can move out.

Don't spend another moment of your life relying on relatives whose response to you when you most need them is to kick you out.

Good luck.

[Salab]

Thank you so much for the advice you lot, it really did help me! I haven't done anything about my work as I feel too embarrassed about it, I couldn't even phone my boss today :S. But I do have somewhere to stay until Sunday which is a friends house. I think I may have to ask to be put into a hostel or somewhere as I'm not allowed to stay with my friend permanently. I'm really worried about that as I've heard some bad things about hostels, especially as I live in a large city the ones I've heard about around Manchester are supposed to be quite bad but I will have to see! My anxiety is really high today and my negative thoughts are bothering me a lot but once again thank you all so much xx

[xvolatileheart]

I'm so sorry you're going through such a difficult time. I am also going through a horrible time, and it feels like there's no way to make it all better. We've just got to take one day at a time, and eventually life will work itself out. These are the tough learning experiences.

[Brunette]

If you can't tell your boss face to face, put it down in a letter and hand deliver it.

Time is of the essence. The quicker you clear the air the better it will be for you.