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Thread: My Uncle is dying, and I can't handle this!

  1. #1
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    Sep 2012
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    My Uncle is dying, and I can't handle this!

    Long story short my parents divorced when I was 4, and my Uncle is like a father to me. This past week my Uncle had suddenly go sick, he was rushed to the hospital, and put on life support. ( I can't eat, sleep, or breathe) My Uncle has a living will, and did not want any kind of life support, my Aunt is supporting that decision, and all life support was removed today. This is breaking my heart. I feel so sick wondering when I am going to get that dreadful phone call, sick for My Uncle, sick for my Aunt, and family. Then I am petrified of the funeral. I do not do well at those things, it freaks me out! I am panicking over seeing him, and my family. On top of it that anxious thinking of when I am there saying to myself "yep, that's going to me" (because I identify with it) petrified of death, and the dead!!!!! I feel like I'm dying! I am a nervous wreck. UGHHHHHHH How will I get through this. I hate this. He was supposed to live forever. Debbi

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
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    6

    Re: My Uncle is dying, and I can't handle this!

    I know exactly how you feel, my gran died two years ago now, and i remember it like it was yesterday. She was diagnosed with heart failure at 84, her cardiac nurse took my mum to one side one night and said it was only a matter of time before her lungs filled with fluid and she wouldn't be able to breath. No way we both said, let's try and get a private hospital to do something, sadly that was never going to happen with all the money in the world.

    She died two nights later with me and my mum sitting in A&E as the nurse said we were making her panicky by being there and suggested we leave for a while. I'll never forgive myself for not telling her to go to hell and that i was staying, or the nurse either with being so blase about her last moments and how important it was for her to know that we were there.

    I know this won't help you just now, but the only way to look at it is that he is comfortable just now and not in any pain. Sit with him, talk to him, tell him everything you think of in the moment of how you feel for him and what he has done for you and how you are a better person for having him in your life. Don't feel embarrassed to say exactly what you feel, no matter how aware you may be of doctors etc around you.

    You will get through it, although you do feel helpless just now, it's his time and he has lived his life, think how upset he would be if he knew you would fall apart. he wants you to be happy and move on when you are ready, and have a happy life. That is the best departing gift you can give him.

    All the best and good luck
    xxx

  3. #3
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    Aug 2012
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    Re: My Uncle is dying, and I can't handle this!

    Debbi I am so sorry to read this :( I really find death hard to cope with too. It was your Uncles wish not to have life support and I guess we want to do all we can to keep our loved ones with us, but he wants to die in dignity without all the intervention and just his loved ones around him. I sat with a gentleman who I was caring for a few weeks ago and he told me he didn't want to live any more. 2 days later he passed away peacefully. I was pleased for him that he had got his wish but of cause very sad at his passing.
    I had a Great Uncle who I was vary close to. He was like a grandfather to me as my Grandad (his brother) died when I was just 7. When My great uncle passed away a couple of years ago. I was devastated. My dad was his next of kin and allowed me to take care of the funeral. Now I thought I wouldn't have coped with the funeral at all but I chose his coffin, the flowers and I made order of services to hand out to the people at the funeral. Doing this really helped me and I have to say I was quite proud of myself and knew my uncle would have been proud of me too. It was the one last thing I could do for him to repay him for all the kindness he had shown me during his life. Maybe when the time comes your Aunt will appreciate some help with the arrangements and it will keep you busy.
    Instead of thinking "that's going to be me" remind yourself of the happy things your uncle was able to do in his life and then concentrate on LIVING your own life. I wish you were nearer so I could give you real hugs Debbi but the best I can do is send you virtual ones I am here for you if you need someone to chat to xx

  4. #4
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    Re: My Uncle is dying, and I can't handle this!

    Just wanted to send you love and hugs Debbi.

  5. #5
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    Jun 2013
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    Re: My Uncle is dying, and I can't handle this!

    Hugs to you. And to HMM.
    All manner of thing shall be well... (Julian of Norwich)

  6. #6
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    Sep 2012
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    612

    Re: My Uncle is dying, and I can't handle this!

    Omg, I do not know how to thank you all. Hmm, thank you so much for all those kind, encouraging words, you are so sweet. I am so sorry for you. That was not fair what that nurse did to your family. (I cried when I read that) I was not able to tell him, what I really wanted to, he did pass yesterday. All I can do is hope he knew. (I will tell him in prayer) Thank you so much for being there for me in this really, really difficult time. Annie, thank you for ALWAYS being there for me. What I good feeling to know I have you with me this week. This will be one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I will face many fears, and who better then you to go through this with me. Alma, I don't know how much this heart of mine can take, I know you can relate to me on that one. Thank you for the hugs, I needed that. Speranza, thank you so much for the hug, and for giving one to Hmm also, she deserves it. Please know that each and every one of your thoughts, and hugs, helped me get through yesterday. Please stay with me this week, till this is passed. Annie can you just move over here? Debbi
    Last edited by panickyme; 07-10-13 at 12:09.

  7. #7
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    Re: My Uncle is dying, and I can't handle this!

    Debbi your uncle will know everything you wanted to say to him. When my Nana died I was heartbroken that I didn't get to say bye properly and to tell her how much I loved her. I actually worried about this for years. Not long ago I mentioned it to my dad (My Nana is his Mother) and he said "You didn't have to say anything to her, she knew how much you loved her by your actions and you often told her". It didn't matter that I didn't say anything in her last few hours because she already knew in her heart.
    Debbi, be kind to yourself this week, ponder on the happy memories, maybe write some of them down and smile at those happy times. Happy memories are something we can never lose.

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