How do you meet girls in clubs and bars?

[2D]

I can go out to bars and stuff because I drink heavily beforehand. I usually go with my friends. A lot of the times, women will make eye contact with me, smile or try to get my attention, but I don't know what to do because even when I'm wasted I feel nervous about talking.

I am absolutely terrible at speaking to anybody new, I legitimately make an idiot of myself. I feel super super super self-conscious about boring people. For that reason I can't tell stories or even jokes and everything comes out wrong because I lose confidence in what I'm saying after only a few words and think everybody thinks I'm boring and that I'm embarassing myself. And I also feel self-conscious as hell about dancing with them. I don't think I look bad or anything, but I feel like people look at me and think I'm weird.

Like, to dance with a girl I feel like she's judging me badly and I'm making a fool out of myself in front of everybody. Or sometimes when girls smile at me I can only manage to give them a quick glance and perhaps a smile. Sometimes I am able to speak with them for a short while, I have standard small-talk lines but I don't know how to do anything with it. Then I always end up going home alone, spending all of my money and waking up feeling really sick and hungover.

[Anxious_gal]

Clubs aren't where you meet people for dating unless you get very lucky.

The thing with women they are untrustful of men they don't know. A man is far far stronger than a female and lets face it most women have been harassed by men so they do need to careful.

So keep that in mind when approaching women!

If women are smiling at you be happy! Most guys don't have ladies showing any interest in them!
If the girl seems like she likes you, I guess talk to her as a person! Not as some woman you're trying to impress. Don't compliment her looks right away. maybe mention her ring or earrings, say they look good

Ask her questions, listen, be interested! Find out what ye have in common.

Practice! You won't do good at first but that's the whole point! You need to get used to a talking to women and approaching them.

Keep a diary, treat it as an experiment. Find out what works and what doesn't.

The more you do it the easier it gets. Maybe practice with women who might not normally get much make attention. Very beautiful women get hit on all day long by far too many men. All who only talk to her because she's pretty and they want something from her.

The reason you can't tell stories is because you feel bad or worry too much. A lot of your problems are caused by negative thinking and your feelings.

Do you have any female friends who can advise you?

I won't lie very quite people make me uncomfortable because they themselves are uncomfortable so it's hard to force the conversation.

Notice when you relax the people around you relax also!

Practice your stories! Or get friends involved. Tell a story involving your friend and let him jump in with his part. I love those stories that start with "remember that one time"

Women are just as insecure as men, maybe even more so considering how society judges them so harshly based on how pretty or thin they are.

I always feel stupid dancing but everyone does! Act like you don't care and that you're enjoying yourself. Everyone likes the guy with the silly dance because he's having fun and don't give a fuc_

If a girl smiles at you oh my god she likes you! Smile back!
Seriously women usually avoid eye contact with men, more so with men they don't know. So it's a very good sign, she made the first move!

Women are taught not to be slutty and not to approach men. So most women feel too shy to go up to a guy. They don't want the guy to think she's easy or worse be rejected but if you smiled back she might be more comfortable talking with you

As for the small talk, ask the girl questions! Women like to talk a lot more than men. Ask for number the worst that can happen is she says no.

But approach women as people. Don't approach them with the goal of just getting something think about what you add to her life. Good conversation and so on.

Like men not all women are the same. There's no magic line, or specific set of steps to follow.

If you want to relate more to women maybe visit some women's forums to give you a better insight on them.

[suki300]

My advice would be to think up a list of questions. Most people like talking about themselves, so you can give yourself a script and you're semi-prepared.

Hello, I'm Anxious Gal, what's your name?

Do you live around here?

What do you do?

I was just going to the bar can I get you a drink?

Do you like travelling?

Is this where you normally hang out?

Pick up on things you can relate to e.g if you work in a similar job, have the same number of siblings, you're both the oldest child.

If you ask them open questions, ie, ones that mean they can expand on the answers, then they will do the talking.

They might ask you the same questions back which will then give you some inspiration.

If you feel you're not getting anywhere and the nerves are getting the better of you, just make your excuses - I just need to nip to the loo, nice to meet you though.

There is nothing wrong with saying, "you'll have to excuse me, I'm a little nervous, I don't do this very often." You might find that whoever you're speaking to is wholely sympathetic, or even feels the same way, they'll probably be highly flattered as well. If not, just make your excuses and go back to your friends.

The above questions are only what anyone else would ask. In night clubs most people are too bothered about being able to impress people themselves - they've all got their own hang ups. That's why everyone tries their hardest to look their best.

If it doesn't work out and the girl is a bit arrogant, don't blame yourself, some people are simply rude. Chances are they won't be.

[Fishmanpa]

Amsterdam dude... Amsterdam... lots of really cool legal stuff in Amsterdam

[suki300]

Amsterdam dude... Amsterdam... lots of really cool legal stuff in Amsterdam

Are you suggesting the use of cannabis? Probably as a joke, but a,) I don't think tourists can legally use it anymore.

b.) When i took it, it made my anxiety infinitely worse and had the opposite affect - made me incredibly paranoid - especially when I ate it.

It didn't use to affect me previous to my panic attacks, but afterwards - not nice. so I do not recommend it.

[Fishmanpa]

Are you suggesting the use of cannabis? Probably as a joke, but a,) I don't think tourists can legally use it anymore.

b.) When i took it, it made my anxiety infinitely worse and had the opposite affect - made me incredibly paranoid - especially when I ate it.

It didn't use to affect me previous to my panic attacks, but afterwards - not nice. so I do not recommend it.

Lighten up Sparky I wasn't referring to drugs but actually, many drugs are legal in Amsterdam. Being that the post was about meeting women, there are other legal activities in Amsterdam that would fit the bill and yes, I was being cheeky Seriously though, a club or bar is no place to meet women. Being stewed when you get there, spending all your money and waking up with a hangover is in no way productive either.

At least in Amsterdam you can spend your money on something other than booze and not go home alone... "Nudge nudge, know what I mean? say no more, say no more"....

[suki300]

Lighten up Sparky I wasn't referring to drugs but actually, many drugs are legal in Amsterdam. Being that the post was about meeting women, there are other legal activities in Amsterdam that would fit the bill and yes, I was being cheeky Seriously though, a club or bar is no place to meet women. Being stewed when you get there, spending all your money and waking up with a hangover is in no way productive either.

At least in Amsterdam you can spend your money on something other than booze and not go home alone... "Nudge nudge, know what I mean? say no more, say no more"....

My ex boyfriend went to Amsterdam and got mugged just as he got out of the train station. Can't say i would recommend it to someone quite so fragile.

I met my husband in a club and we've been together for 16 years (married 12) with 2 children, so I reserve judgement on that one. You don't have to get into a state to go to a club.

I certainly think it could be a way to get used to speaking to women and there doesn't have to be an agenda, it can be purely for making conversation and getting better at it. There are lots of distractions, lots of music, where else can you be in that environment where people expect others to talk to one another - unless he goes to church or something.

[Fishmanpa]

I was a professional musician for most of my career. Toured, played clubs and bars etc. I saw it all believe me. I could say that you are in the minority having met a mate of 16 years in a club and be pretty safe saying so.

I'm obviously kidding concerning Amsterdam as donated by the

The OP stated several things that caused him stress and anxiety. If you have social anxiety issues, drinking heavily is not the way to deal with them. If anything, the first and wisest step to meeting a woman and not sounding like an idiot is to be sober and not smell like a brewery!

Honesty and some self esteem are the first steps. What would be wrong with being honest and saying "I really want to talk to you but I get really nervous when I'm around a pretty woman like you". The beauty of it is it's not a pick up line and that will show in your body language and eye contact. Some women find that extremely sexy.

Then if all else fails, go to Amsterdam!

[suki300]

I was a professional musician for most of my career. Toured, played clubs and bars etc. I saw it all believe me. I could say that you are in the minority having met a mate of 16 years in a club and be pretty safe saying so.

I'm obviously kidding concerning Amsterdam as donated by the

The OP stated several things that caused him stress and anxiety. If you have social anxiety issues, drinking heavily is not the way to deal with them. If anything, the first and wisest step to meeting a woman and not sounding like an idiot is to be sober and not smell like a brewery!

Honesty and some self esteem are the first steps. What would be wrong with being honest and saying "I really want to talk to you but I get really nervous when I'm around a pretty woman like you". The beauty of it is it's not a pick up line and that will show in your body language and eye contact. Some women find that extremely sexy.

Then if all else fails, go to Amsterdam!

I'd lose the "pretty women" bit - that's very creepy - this is the UK we're in, no one likes a compliment.

The other problem is, you can't really say that line unless you are in a club, of which you don't need to get hammered. You couldn't say it in a library, or a supermarket.

I think the compromise would be a pub, really and not overdoing it on the alcohol.

[debs71]

Tough one.

I personally am not a fan of clubs at all, especially for meeting someone. I am probably not going to be popular for saying this but they smack of desperation to me in that most people (though not all perhaps) who go there either go there:

a) To get totally trollied.

b) To get off with someone.

or

c) To get totally trollied AND get off with someone.

Even as a teen/in my 20s I hated the places as I was as shy as a shy thing from Shy Road, Shytown could be, and was dragged along by my far more outgoing friends, and frankly spent the night as the token wallflower, watching them all get loaded and getting off.

Not fun.

I just don't think that clubs are the right place to meet someone either for that reason. I may just be coloured by my own experiences, but I just think that there are better, more genuine places to meet people socially than them. I think the booze element gets in the way too much too.

One thing I will say though 2D, is that the best sign you could possibly get from a girl is if she is LOOKING at you as you describe, as that is already showing an interest in you, which should encourage you to talk to her in itself. Any girl who looks at you that way is at least going to give you the time of day, and listen to what you have to say. Most girls don't need any planned lines (in fact they dislike them in my experience!) and are happy just to have a casual chat, starting with 'Can I get you a drink?' or suchlike. All you need is a little self confidence to approach her, and not to put any pressure on yourself and just let the conversation flow. Unless she is TOTALLY not interested, she will pursue the conversation with you, and the onus won't solely be on you to keep it going.

I personally have always felt so sorry for guys, as I think you have it really tough when it comes to approaching girls as tradition expects a lot from you.

Do also bear in mind that bars and clubs are not the only places you will meet people in life. Try not to put so much pressure and expectation on yourself.