A hug would be welcome

[Otter13]

Things are a bit messy at the mo. I have BPD and my feller has GAD. We don't live together. We are both having pretty severe episodes at the moment. he hasn't been to see me for a while because he can't drive and last time we tried to chat online it got really messy with us misinterpreting each other and getting upset. That lead to me SH (are we allowed to talk about that here? sorry if we aren't) and him retreating so we haven't talked since.
My upstairs neighbours have 3 kids in a two bed flat with no carpet and are very loud. Sudden crashes set my heart racing several times a day and the constant sound of a toddler running around (they never take it round the park) is wearing me down.
Earlier this year I decided to do a small open university course as it was being offered cheap for a limited time. I've just sent in the assignment that will decide if I pass well enough to get onto the next step. i won't hear back until near christmas and now I'm thinking it was all wrong and awful.
It's been really hard to concentrate well on the study and now I feel like things are falling apart again despite all the work I've been putting in to get better.
Tearful, anxious, depressed and just generally worn out.
Sorry for the rant
Was good to write it all out though.
Thanks

[jill]

Hi hun

I am sorry to hear how your feeling right now, my heart goes out to you

I don't know what SH is so, don't know if you can talk about that on hear.

I am no fan of chats on the net, I feel we can, when acute with anxiety, misunderstand whats being said.

Hun, is there any way at all you can get to see him? whats missing on line when you chat is body language and that is sooo important, quality time together is better than quantity.

Regarding your course, you have done your best and your best is good enough. Mrs Anxiety is playing with you right now, you have worked hard, PLEASE don't be to hard on yourself, be proud of what you have done.

You say you are have a severe episode at the moment, this suggest to me you have been hear before, SO, YOU KNOW this will pass hun, HANG IN THERE.

If it helps YOU KEEP ranting, keep posting.

YOU TAKE CARE

LOVE JILL XXX

When you get to the end of your rope, HANG ON.....

[MRS STRESS ED]

we all need a good rant atimes I have my moments and you sound like your not having a good time so you rant away hope things get better for you soon

[Otter13]

Thank you so much Jill! Just talking (typing?) about it has helped me at least get it straight in my head and your reply is wonderfully caring and thoughtful, thank you!.
SH is self harm (mods, feel free to edit those references out if it isn't allowed)

Yeh the online chats isn't perfect but we are both panicky about using the phone so it's the best we have. It just goes wrong when we are both in a bad place.

There is no way we can get together at the mo. He lives a good 2 hour drive from me. I don't drive, he can't when he's in a bad way, and we both have panic attacks about public transport. We both live in rural areas so it would probably take about 6 hours to get there on buses and trains if not more! Plus I have a cat so I can't just go away and leave him.

There is nothing more I can do for the course now so I'm trying to accept and let go but I'm sure you understand how hard that is and how these things niggle at us and just add to all the other stresses. I really did do my best under bad circumstances so I am proud of myself in a way. just my stupid head likes to wind me up.

I have def been here before but not quite this way. I have had mental health problems since I was very young and I used to drink to block it. I gave up drinking about a year ago, which I'm really proud of, but since then anxiety has been a huge problem. It's so tempting just to give in and get drunk and forget it all. I probably wouldn't even care about all the noise from upstairs if I was drunk enough. I do know it will pass and good things are still out there for me. It's just so hard to keep that in my head when all the bad stuff is shouting for attention. feels like a blizzard in my head with everything going on!

I have had a bad spell of trying meds and having bad reactions to them so I hadn't been on anything for a while and things were getting worse. I've just been prescribed pregabalin and so far (crosses fingers) no horrible reaction so maybe this one will help with the stress at least.

Thank you so much for your reply. I'm starting to feel like I can get some perspective on this. Must focus on good things. Idiot cat, completing (even if not passing) a course of education, the fact that I do have someone who loves me even if we can't be together at the mo and maybe some hope (finally) on the medication front.

Thanks again Jill. I hope you have a great day and have fun plans for the weekend.

---------- Post added at 15:46 ---------- Previous post was at 15:45 ----------

Thank you Mr Stress. Ranting is definitely helping!

---------- Post added at 16:13 ---------- Previous post was at 15:46 ----------

Arg! They are running and stamping and crashing and screaming upstairs. It's horrible. They are really awful people. I'm sure they are going down the have more kids, get a bigger house of the council route. I had to ask them not to throw cigarette ends out the window into my garden when they first moved in... I mean, who does that? They have also thrown used condoms out there. Yucky! When I asked about the noise I was told 'not to hold my breath' for them to try and be quieter. Not even 20 years old, 3 kids, no jobs and defrauding the benefits by claiming he doesn't live there when he does. You can see how fun they are to live under!

[MRS STRESS ED]

otter its no wonder your stressed love ,they sound awful poor you

[Speranza]

[Daisy Sue]

from me too. I hope things improve for you soon.

[Otter13]

Thank you so much folks.

---------- Post added at 12:00 ---------- Previous post was at 10:20 ----------

More screaming more stamping and running. If I was in an upstairs flat and couldn't afford carpet (although they can mysteriously afford I phones and dr dre headphones) I'd be creeping around and feel awful every time I dropped something. *sigh*