For Our Ricardo Please.

[AuntieMoosie]

Hello all

I'm going to request a couple of things for our Ricardo

Please can you all send him lots of hugs, he really is going through such a tough time right now, he doesn't get to see friends in the "normal" world as he's agoraphobic, so he's mostly very isolated and feels so alone a lot of the time, so he really needs his NMP friends to comfort him and offer him kind words of support and advice

I've spoken to Ricardo, but he feels that he just can't bring himself to post on the forum as he thinks it will all be negative. I told him that it doesn't matter what he posts, we're all friends here and this is where we come when we need comfort, support and advice

So I'm also asking you if you would kindly try to encourage Ricardo to post here and get the comfort, friendship, support and everything else that he so badly needs right now

It's really no fun at all, when you're trying to carry the burdens of life and family on your shoulders, without getting any support yourself, it's very, very draining, so can we please reach out to Ricardo, many thanks all




Huge hugs for you Ricardo, please do come in and share with us sweetie

[nomorepanic]

Ronny

I often think of you but don't like to pester you with messages if you are not feeling so good.

Maybe we should though - just to show that we do care.

We miss you - please come back ok
xxxx

[venusbluejeans]

Ronny.

We do really miss having you around, we dooun't mind what you say or even if you say anything at all.

We are all here to support you while you support your family through the tough times.

It would be lovely to see you at a quiz, even if you do not say anything and you just 'watch as the world went by' so to speak we would understand totally, but it would be nice to see you xxx

[kittikat]

Big hugs Ricardo, wishing you all the best...we are all here for you.

Kitti xx

[Andria24]

Ricardo I've not had the chance to meet you, virtually or otherwise, but the fact that the lovely people on NMP are missing you and want nothing more than to see you feeling cared for and cared about speaks volumes about them ... and you.

Here's hoping you bounce back, even if it's just a small one, and that you find the strength to call by and say 'hey'. Huge hugs to you, and I look forward to meeting you

[bluesparkle]

ric
you have given such support to myself and many others here please let us give some back.
it doesn't matter what you post here or what you come into chat and say or like emmz says just come and watch and not feel so alone.(I have done this many many times).
I know what its like to have so much going on around you family etc and we still have to manage our own problems.
please know we are here when you are ready and you are often thought of.
sending loads of to both you and your family.
rach
x

[ricardo]

Firstly to those who are confused about my name ,some who feel close to me on NMP chose to call me Ronny which is actually my real name, so it's a term of endearment.


I assure you that the following is not easy to write



I really don't know where to begin but firstly I have to thank Mandy, (Auntie Moosie) who is the only person on here that I actually speak to. So many times I have wanted to phone her these past few weeks but have held back as I know she has her own health problems besides all the anxiety problems that we seem to share.Finally I phoned her and am not ashamed to say that I broke down and cried.


It is so difficult for me especially to express myself with the written word and find it easier actually talking,but I have no one to talk to anymore.


When you get to your sixties I am finding it harder to deal with absolutely anything as my general state of anxiety which is constant stops me ever relaxing and of course with age various health worries rear there ugly head
.

I am convinced that in many cases, but not all, it is easier to get a reasonable quality of life and respond to help be it by medication or counselling or CBT or whatever,when you are younger. This is not set in stone but I speak from my own experience having had GAD and OCD for over thirty years.


I had a premonition that coming back to London that I would deteriorate rather than get better and nearly six months on that is proving to be correct. My daughter is no better and keeps shouting at me through sheer frustration and as they say "you only hurt the one you love"


My lifestyle has changed dramatically as you can imagine and I can't even have a quiet smoke unless I stand in the High Street where we live , which is not for me as being agoraphobic and also paranoid of strangers looking at me, and because we are in a small flat I can't have my own space.


My wife is kind but has given up that I will ever be better and even my son who comes around with his fiancee every week doesn't have much to say to me and I can understand that as he sees his father looking dishevelled and anxious, that is the guy who used to have a wicked sense of humour and enjoyed so many comments on Quiz Night.

I have now seen my clinical psychologist twelve times and though I appreciate that CBT in practise can be hard work, she hasn't grasped my situation at all and to be quite frank I disagree with some things she says and she repeats things like "you won't pass out" through hyper ventilating , which I know yet she asked me how I would feel walking up the road,taking a bus on my own one stop and then returning on another bus ". I thought was she joking or testing how far I could leave the house. Then we spoke about a full blown panic attack and she argued the point that one could just carry on doing whatever one was doing whilst having the attack,instead of an immediate reaction of wanting to lay down or sit down and ride it out. (Mandy agrees with me)


I sleep less than 4 hours a night wake up every single morning sweating and shaking and I really am losing the will to live yet I am scared of dieing.

Even my GP who is always there for me doesn't understand my deep rooted problems,she just shrugs them off as unimportant but to me they are extremely important.Some I am not prepared to discuss on an open forum.and however hard I try to relax I just can't and find it difficult to concentrate on anything for very long.


As a side note there a number of unexpected obstacles that we have encountered as we have lived abroad for over five years, yet we yet are all UK born and bred.


90% of car insurance companies will not accept my wife's maximum no claims bonus even though we lived in the E.U. and have a written certificate in English to confirm she is an advanced driver and has never claimed in over 40 years of driving and never claimed in the 12 years we lived in Spain. MORE STRESS and after about 20 calls Aviva were the only one who would accept otherwise the premium would have been 3 times as much.


We can't get a credit card until we have been living back here permanently for 1 but in most cases 2 years and that reflects a lot on trying to remortgage which has in most cases the same criteria. MORE STRESS.Being in our sixties doesn't help either.


Strange that nowadays the more debt you have the better risk you are as credit rating points wins prizes.

Apparently 75% of cars bought today are bought on finance, and again we can't get that either because of no credit rating. MORE STRESS.


Anyway you are all lovely people and if someone would really like to help me the only way would be to phone me,Mandy has my number.


I really really need some support.Sorry if this all seems dishevelled.



Ronny.

[AuntieMoosie]

Ronny that is a really good post sweetie and explains exactly how you're feeling.

When I have a full blown panic attack, there is no way on this earth that I could carry on walking, my instinct is to sit down and let it go over me, I'm so completely breathless and week that I just would not be able to walk, run or do anything other than concentrate on dealing with it.

The confusion seems to come from this "fight or flight" thing, yes, many, many people do get that and are able to "fight or flight" But there are many, many people who also get the complete opposite and will "freeze" with it. It's a normal human response if it's in the right place, such as you're faced with a tiger, lion or snake, if you were to run, you would get chased, but if you were to freeze, that would probably save you, of course, we do not need this response in normal life and that's when it becomes a massive problem.

I remember one panic attack that I had, I had to literally, sit on somebody's driveway, I just couldn't stand let alone walk......thank goodness they didn't drive their car out that day otherwise I'd probably be a gonna or in a bad way anyway


Also I do agree with you Ronny on it being more tricky to deal with as we get older. The older we are, the harder it is to learn new skills and then, add to that, health problems and it all becomes a very different ball game!


I know and understand that well meaning therapist and people tell us that we wont faint and we wont do this, that, or the other, I do that myself, but it still doesn't take away the fact that we still have to manage the panic and all of the symptoms that go with it


Ronny I do think that you've been really knocked sideways by the massive change in your lifestyle now, moving from one country to another, even though you didn't really want too, and life here in the UK is just so completely different to life in Spain, just being in the UK is enough to raise your stress levels as it's a much faster and pressure ridden way of life.

I think you'd fair much better if you were to live in the countryside, get you away from the stress and pressure, and to a much slower pace of life, I think you'd really notice the difference


It is a lot more difficult to try and write in words how we're feeling, I also find it difficult at times to explain things in the written word.

To be able to speak with somebody and connect with that person is very valuable, we all seem to be going down this internet and texting way of life, which is all very well, but sadly, we do miss the human contact then.

To be honest, I find so many things in life are just soooo stressful, even to try and do the simplest of tasks, last Monday, I was trying to sort out a simply problem on the phone, it actually took me the best part of 2 hours before I managed to get through to someone who could help me, they solved it in less than a minute!!!

I got so stressed out, that in the end, I had to go to bed for a couple of hours just so as I could de-stress!!!!

In my day, and yours Ronny and probably many others on here, all you had to do was pick your phone up dial the number and the person who picked up would be able to help you, no silly machines, no options, just plain and simple, now you have to do some sort of circus act, run through hoops, stand on your head, stick your finger in your ear and all sorts

I always think, and always have, that I was born into the wrong generation, my time should have been decades ago, I would have been able to handle that a lot better

Anyway, I'm writing a book now!!!

Just to say, I'm so glad that you came in and posted, I hope this rough period in your life comes to a conclusion soon so that things will become easier for you sweetie


You know where I am if you need me anytime

[Andria24]

Ronny have you considered social housing? You would qualify, and you could choose where you wanted to live. I know of a flat that my local authority cannot rent out because it doesn't have a garden and it's directly above a butchers and a hairdressers - yet it's in a lovely little village in West Yorkshire. There are plenty more like that round about.

Reclaiming your own space is important, especially given your anxieties. You need a better set of professionals around you as well. From what you have said your issues are exacerbated due to your lifestyle and living conditions. You need peace in your home in order to try heal. Age is not a barrier to a happy life, and I know that May sound easy for me to say being younger.

I've watched my dad flourish from a shell in his 40s to a man happy and fulfilled in his 60s. You are in my thoughts Ronny, though I don't know you. Is there anything I can do to help?

[AuntieMoosie]

Ronny have you considered social housing? You would qualify, and you could choose where you wanted to live. I know of a flat that my local authority cannot rent out because it doesn't have a garden and it's directly above a butchers and a hairdressers - yet it's in a lovely little village in West Yorkshire. There are plenty more like that round about.

Reclaiming your own space is important, especially given your anxieties. You need a better set of professionals around you as well. From what you have said your issues are exacerbated due to your lifestyle and living conditions. You need peace in your home in order to try heal. Age is not a barrier to a happy life, and I know that May sound easy for me to say being younger.

I've watched my dad flourish from a shell in his 40s to a man happy and fulfilled in his 60s. You are in my thoughts Ronny, though I don't know you. Is there anything I can do to help?

Thank you for your lovely post hun

Ronny isn't in need of social housing though hun, he just needs to relocate somewhere a lot more peaceful and relaxing

You're right in that age isn't a barrier to a happy life, but age is another obstacle, and add to that, health issues that come with age, it does make things a lot more difficult at times.

Ronny already lives in a lovely area and has good living conditions, it's just he's in the wrong place I think and, I think he needs a house with a garden so that he can grab some peace of mind when he needs it