Hello everyone I am so glad I came upon this site as I have been suffering anxiety and all its related symptons on and off for nearly 30 years and so far have conquered nearly everything that's been thrown at me although the odd thing does rear its ugly head now and then, but what I am going through now has defeated me big time and I really need advice and of course your experiences. Here's my story, Last year I twisted my left knee badly and at first I thought it was getting better so carried on without seeking a doctors advice then somehow I managed to twist the right knee which reacted in the same way with pain and swelling etc, again I tried to convince myself it would heal on its own, well 10 months down the line I realised that wasn't going to happen, both knees are so stiff and painful I became so depressed (again) I felt like a cripple and that my life was over, my Husband practically dragged me kicking and screaming to the Doctors where I was referred for an MRI, that was the first thing I had to overcome I cancelled the first appointment because it was in a standard sized scanner and as I have private insurance I stuck to my guns and found somewhere with an open one, so I did manage to have it done in the end and of course it was fine my body was outside the machine and it would have been, even in a standard tubular MRI, anyway the outcome was I had torn my medial meniscus (cartilage) in exactly the same place on both of my knees. I went then to see an orthopedic surgeon who told me surgery is the only answer they will never heal on their own. That's where my nightmare begins, I went through all the pre op tests went to see the anesthetist who told me I would be having local anesthetic to numb me from the waist down and then numb my left leg (only having one done at a time) well when I googled it (yeah I know) I found out that your blood pressure and heart rate drop considerably and in some cases can cause cardiac arrest and even death, thing is I take bisoprolol to lower my blood pressure which is in normal range now but I have a very low heart rate 57-59 bpm which apparently is a major risk factor. Well the day before my surgery I cancelled it I said it was due to a family emergency and that I would be in touch at a later date, I am so sick of being so scared to do anything I am now hobbling like a cripple unable to go out of the house I am back to square one with my anxiety issues, panic attacks ,pvc's, lump in the throat, feeling sick all the time, unable to eat or sleep I just don't know where to turn my choices are live like a cripple or get the surgery and what's freaking me out even more is that I have to have it done TWICE 6 weeks apart. My surgery was meant to be on Monday 21st Oct so I am trying to take stock and calm down as much as I can but I know time is ticking I have to make a decision please help what would you do ?