Well, it's been almost a year this week since I first experienced what I call 'the blackness', so it might be an appropriate time to post how things are at the moment.
I haven't really posted anything about my personal story yet (will have to sometime I suppose, if only in fairness to others who have posted theirs!) but I shall share my experiences of late.
Have just returned from a weeks holiday in Zakynthos, and thoroughly enjoyed it!
However, it didn't start out so pleasant. I usually don't have a problem with planes, (well no more than the average person about to become suspended 35,000 feet in the air travelling at over 300 mph!) but for some reason in the few weeks prior to leaving I started to get the 'jitters'. Just the thought of being in such a confined space with no means of being able to get off just seemed to set off the palpitations, the sweats, the horrible 'I'm-in-the-world-but-not-part-of-it' syndrome and the dreaded 'flight' (no pun intended!) or 'fight' rush of adrenalin. Well, I took some good advice from a friend who had gone through this experience before and so was determined I was going!!
Things went fine until we boarded and were seated. The plane went up and down the runway like a yo-yo and then came to a stop. We were all told that there was a technical fault and engineers were on their way to investigate - but we had to stay on the plane for nearly 90mins until they got there!! My worst nightmare was upon me! I just wanted to yell 'get me the h**l out of here!' but was also determined I wasn't going to give in. I knew I had to control the thoughts - so I closed my eyes and thought 'there are people on NMP who have been through this and survived - I can do it too! I am not alone, I am not afraid'. You have no idea how much this helped me - and before long we were taking off! Oh joy!
But, the very next day on a coach trip around the island it happened again! The guide mentioned that we were going into the mountainous region on the west of the island. Now, I thought I had conquered my fear of heights and steep windy roads when in the Troodos mountains in Cyprus two years ago. (well, enough to make it back down again!).
Well, we know the 'blackness' has a nasty habit of creeping up on us when we least expect it, and it did - with a vengeance. I just couldn't believe it - not again!! Tremors, pins and needles, hollow stomach, hot flushes, palpitaions - and the need to just RUN, RUN, RUN! Once again, I had to take control of my thoughts (oh I was sooo tired, but I couldn't give in - not without letting my hubby down, and my friend, and NMP!!) Thankfully, before we started the ascent we had to turn back to pick up some people who had missed the coach, so this gave me valuable time to get myself 'together'. Up, up we went....I kept my eyes on the front of the coach with the determination almost burning a fire in the pit of my stomach...'I am not alone, I am not afraid.....'
Guess what NMP friends? I EVEN LOOKED OUT OF THE WINDOW AT THE VIEW [:P] It was absolutely breath-taking! I was ecstatic! The icing on the cake was when we reached a restaurant at the top and stopped for a while to take photos - at that same moment I got a txt from my friend just saying 'Hi!' That one little word meant so much at that moment!
Helen from Spain is so right - it helps when you can send/receive txts from a friend, and family. I also had my 52nd birthday whilst away and it was so much better than the last two - this time last year I did wonder if I'd actually reach this year's!!
Well, I've gone on and on and on...........I'm sorry if it's been too long but I just HAD to share this with you all!!
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!
GroovyGrannyxxxxxxxx
'There are no such things as strangers; just friends we haven't made yet!'
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