Is there something wrong with me?

[Kez_miller]

Hi guys,

Basically, my current situation is at best frustrating, and as some of you will have seen i've really not had the best of times recently. just to outline with those who don't know (gave up home and job to look after grandmother with dementia and grandfather with cancer, no job because of one my social anxiety and two i just can't seem to get a break even though i've tried, no money not even enough to eat properly, my grandmother is abbusive and my grandad doesn't help matters by blaming me for everything even though i go above and beyond to help and on it goes...)

well obviously because i had my own space, my own work, a life with my fiancé and my own freedom for like 5 years i am i guess understandably feeling extremely frustrated that i have no time to spend with friends, fiancé, or time to wind down and just relax because of everything.

Now the reason i am wondering, do i have anger issues? because once again this evening, i tried to sit down with family and explain my frustrations to them in a calm manner as i knw arguing does not help any situation. thing is when i try and speak they shout over me, and they don't mke sense, they just say get a job then etc....n all kinds of hurtful things as well, then when i get a second to speak they just turn the other cheek and don't listen to a word i say, literally they just talk amongst themselves as I'm speaking or they just watch tv or on their phone etc....well thats where after so many attempts at trying i loose my temper, like really loose my temper, i shout, i cry , i pace, because no1 is listening to me what so ever. then when i do lose my temper they say things like "here goes the mad man again, he should be where is father is" (my father is in a mental health prison/hopsital because of crimes committed and his mental state) thing is all this happens time after time, after time, after time and i lose my temper at least once a day with people who just don't wanna listen to me or say hurtful or irrelevant things. I am starting to believe that i am like my father, maybe i am a mad man and maybe i do deserve to be locked up somewhere.

i always thought i was a nice person....well i try to be nice, i will help anyone in need whether it be strangers or my own family. who ever, if i have my last 5 pound and i see someone more needing of it, i have no hesitation but to give them it. i don't like seeing people hurt or struggle because i have been there now for a couple of years but my patience is being tested massively and I'm starting to wonder if its all worth it...whats the point.

anyway guys, i hope everyone is doing well with their issues or anxiety and thank you for taking your time to read my pointlessly long post!

All the best
Kez x

[Daisy Sue]

It doesn't sound to me like you have anger issues - I would say you have frustration issues, and quite understandably!!

In your heart, you know you're doing the right thing by your grandparents, even if it is difficult and taking its toll on you. If you weren't helping them, who would be?

I can't speak for your family's attitude, but only you can take control of you and your life, and if you have to do it without their help & understanding, so be it.

Maybe you could talk to one family member on a one to one.. see if there's a way to make that person listen and see your side of things? If not, be strong, and do what you want to do with your life, regardless.

The "just like his dad" thing is awful, it's negative, and one of those labels that we can take on board if it's said to us often enough... try not to let it get to you. I know that's easier said than done, but at the end of the day, people's words can only hurt us if we allow them to.

[Kez_miller]

Thank you for all the advice and word sue, thank you very much x