Hi
Never feel you are stupid and feeling sorry for yourself. You are having a bad time and have suffered alone for a long time now.
You found someone who you thought understood you, which no doubt she did, but very unfortunately for you she couldnt give you the 100% support you need. Although i am sure she did try and when you were close to her, remember those times and use them as a positive step forward. Take that on board that you could get close to her, even though suffering a social phobia, so shows you can do it again.
It wont always end in tears i can assure you that, however bleak it seems.
You are making a brilliant step forward talking to us, so be proud of yourself for that.
Anything we can do to help, we will.
Take care.
Love Sal xxxxxx