Hi
Those who have been in schema therapy will know what I'm talking about, but those who haven't, emotional deprivation schema refers to a life-long pattern where your close relationships have been defined by a lack of unconditional love (or, in my case, my parents felt unconditional love for me but did not show me unconditional love). You then tend to end up with both partners and friends who continue not to show you unconditional love so you don't experience it.

Way back in 2006, I met someone who went against this schema and I had an entirely different experience of life, feeling very loved and safe etc. We broke up in 2008 and I hit an incredible low that turned my life upside down for around 3 years. I've been better at coping with it as the years go on but I occasionally have dreams where he is there again and is taken away again, and the day after it's almost as raw as if it just happened.

I had one of those dreams last night and I feel very shaken today. I understand it is my emotional deprivation schema that has been triggered and it isn't about him per se, but I'm just wondering what healthy ways others have found to deal with pain? I'm going to try crying when I feel tearful and then distracting myself by having fun, and alternate, but one of my worries is that I've spent years doing something similar. Has anyone found a way to shake the emotional deprivation schema altogether?