Should I leave??

[lisa p]

Hi,

I am really struggling at the moment. The panic attacks are so bad now that I feel that very soon I will be unable to drive and collect the children from school. My daughter has to go to school for a trial tomorrow morning, and I am dreading it.

The panic has been really bad over the last week, I feel so sick from the minute I wake in the morning to the minute I go to bed, the hypnotist says its stress.

On Friday I had to meet my husband, 20 mins drive away, and although I did it, I was in such a bad way, I felt really sick, couldnt stop shaking etc. He had forgotten his works camera, I literally threw it in his car and drove home as fast as I could, I was totally exhausted and upset when I arrived home. Since then I dread doing the safety zone of 5/10 mins. I just want to stay at home on my own.

Over the weekend, I have been thinking long and hard about how this is affecting the family life, and although my hubby and kids are supportive, I just keep thinking if I left them, they could start a new life and go out as a family etc etc.

Please help, just do not know what to do, and with xmas coming up - how am I going to be able to go to all of the school functions????

Thanks for reading.

Lisa

[LickeyEndBlues]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Lisa}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Hi Lisa

You do really sound wound up and I thought a hug might help.

I can relate to a lot of what you have said, particularly about the supportive family and your feeling of guilt about how you are effecting them. I am there and have been for a long time. Sometimes worse than others. This is a symptom of your illness, when you get better it will go away....honest!!

School functions can be both wonderful and a huge chore. I have been able to see our kids at varying ones and that has been great. I have missed a few and that has been a balance of regret and relief.

As "Mary and Joseph season" kicks in it all cranks up both in school activities and at home....and all for one flipping day...24 flaming hours of joy and misery!!

I would suggest you try and get some support into the stuff that you dread. Can you do things with other people/family? Going with others means you can shrink back a bit.

Are you recieving any support from your GP?

Remember you are not alone in here and there are many people who can relate to where you are at.

Take care Lisa

Iain


And in answer to your original question..................NO!! The hole you would leave would be far more devastating that where you are at at the moment!!

Laissez les bon temp roulez

[spuds]

Two years ago when I was at my worst I had to sit through my sons nativity play. Felt dreadful, shaking, wanted to get up and leave. The thing is, however bad you are feeling, noone else is noticing because they are all wrapped up in their own stuff - afterwards I was so glad I went and so proud of him reading his few lines.

I was getting a bit agoraphobic to be honest - didn't want to leave the house, only felt safe in a few places or if OH was with me, hated the supermarket, school playground was so stressful.

But - it got better. Don't try to avoid anxiety and panic by avoiding the places that make you feel anxious. Then the ciricle becomes smaller and smaller until you become agoraphobic. Let the panic and anxiety come - they are only feelings. However dreadful you feel they are not physically harmful. I know it is difficult now but keep going, people here will give you loads of support.

Iain is right, of course, your family will be worse off without you. Better that you concentrate on getting well again and avoid negative thoughts like that.

[ksmith]

Hi Lisa

If you left your family would be devastated!!! You will turn a corner in the not too distant future and look back on this and wonder why you ever thought such things.

I remember having my two teenage sons in tears in the middle of a shopping centre because of my behaviour. That was only in June of this year and I have come such a long way since then as you will to in your own time. Don't underestimate how much you're loved!!

Wishing you all the best

Kay x

[yorkylover]

Hey Lisa,dont give up pet.Your family love you very much and they need you.You have an illness,like any other sort of illness.Your kids would be heart broken if you left.Im pretty sure they would be happy to have you as you are than not at all.Anxiety makes you have lots of negative thoughts.Have you seen your gp?Thing do get hard,but your family love you and they sound very supportive.You will get through this.
Take care

Ellen XX

[honeybee3939]

Lisa,

Im sorry to hear you are not feeling yourself at the moment ! Sending you a HUG hun,

I do no what you are going through, but believe me things do get better, i promise you that Lisa. I could have written the exact post you have written a few years ago, it sounds like you have a very supportive family and im sure they all love you to bits, just because you are suffering with anxiety/panic dosnt mean they will love you any less.

Please dont be hard on yourself Lisa.

Love

Andrea
xxx

[carlin]

Hi there, no way must you even consider leaving your wonderful family....could you imagine how distressed all of you would be??? They love you no matter what, that you must remember, as you love them unconditionally!!!! I have been through many nativity plays/assemblies/parents evenings (the list is endless) yes, sometimes I didn't make it, but sent another family member in my place (if poss), i told a few people at school and they were very understanding, I ALWAYS sat near the door and if i needed to leave the hall (very rarely) would start coughing and gentle left unnoticed....to be honest, i think you do so very well to continue driving, and when you had to take your husbands works camera, you did it!!! that is classed as a success.....take one day at a time, work out any back-up plans you can, is there anyone at the school who could take the kids if you couldn't manage it? then offer to have their kids after school, your kids will get through this with you and your husband, because you are a good family and that is what familes do!!! xxxxxxjean

[lisa p]

Thank you all so very much for the lovely, positive replies.

I have today told the headmistress up at school about my pa's and although she doesnt understand she has offered to get somebody to walk the children to my car when my daughter starts school in Jan. So that makes things a little better.

I think I need to be honest with my hubby about just how bad things are at the mo, rather then putting on this brace face and pretending that things are not too bad.

Well I am now off to do the school run, feel like c*** but I will try and stay positive and strong.

Thanks once again,

Your help and advice is very much appreciated.

Take care

Love

Lisax

[Trev]

With the right support, information and input you can fully recover and get over this and do all the normal family stuff again.

It is suggested by professionals that you don't make huge life changing decisions while in this state.

The desire to run and leave them to it is a version of the flight part of the "fight or flight" ressponse to stress.

You can turn it around with the right assistance

Trev

[belle]

Hi Lisa,
Firstly you done amazlingly well to drive the 20 minutes to meet your husband even though you felt terrible. Me (personally of course) would have done a big fat u-turn and driven home.
As for the school problem, i can 100% relate. I have to walk to collect my little boy (its only a couple of minutes away but its the waiting that i can't stand) - so now, i leave at 3.20 when they are due to come out so there is none of the hanging around. You have to make whatever arrangements make you feel better. Just getting the headmistress to do this for you WILL reduce A LOT of stress for you. For the first couple of my sons school years i would collect him from the reception so i didn't have to wait with all the mothers, but in the end, i would end up waiting for ages because they'd forget to bring him round, so i'd be standing there crying with fear. Thank God now i can take him to school without any problems, but in the afternoon ALWAYS poses a problem.
Anyway...*try* not to worry too much (easier said than done sometimes)....and PLEASE talk to your husband, he needs to know how bad you are feeling. Its horrible trying to deal with PA's on your own.
Take Care,
Sarah