Hi,

No idea if I'm in the right place for help and advice but here goes.

I've been a longterm sufferer of depression/anxiety. I'm in my 40s but in my teens to mid 20s would have found relief in illegal drugs of all varieties and booze. I stopped my drug use in late twenties after an inpatient methadone withdrawal programme and didn't drink for a while.

I then began to drink alcoholically from my late 20s until 2 years ago to deal with depression and anxiety when it arose.

2 years ago I had some bad experiences with the press that intruded into my personal/professional life, and I collapsed into a huge depressive/anxiety period.

I was treated for this with numerous sleepers, diazepam 20 mg daily, mirtazapine 60mg daily and propananol.

During this period I also began CWE codeine and was running around 300mg daily and was hopelessly addicted but getting relief from the darkest moments.

I went through a period of CBT which was quite successful and managed to come off everything but the codeine.

Around 6 months ago another depressive incident began and I've just come out of it. However, during this time I referred to Addiction Services over the codeine and have recently (last 10 days) completed a taper programme after declining to be put on a suboxone programme. I started on DHC continuous 4 90mg daily and came down over 3 months.

Was a bitch but I've now mostly settled as the taper meant the final jump off from 2 30mg daily wasn't too horrific but it was an awful experience of a regular withdrawal with each drop.

I'd also stopped taking the anti-depressants and beta blockers as I believed I was no longer dealing with depression but the effects of servicing an addiction.

The Dr initially tried a diazepam taper alongside my codeine taper but was promptly told to stop by the Addiction Specialists/Psyciatrist but not before he had me down to 9mg diazepam daily - he actually made my initially period coming off codeine harder as a result.

I've been held on 9mg of diazepam daily since that point 3 months back.

My final challenge is getting off this bloody diazepam - it is giving me no benefits and is just servicing itself.

I know for many 9mg may sound small but after working my way through getting off the other stuff along with fighting through my deepest longest depression/anxiety period it has been a crutch and I'm worried about the final hurdle.

I've never done a diazepam taper or cold turkey and worry about it. I knew what to expect with codeine due to previous opiate addiction.

Now the questions:

Any advice?

Is a cold turkey from 9mg diazepam manageable or debilitating - I've got to hold a job down while coming off.

What is a realistic taper if that's the advise and does it come with regular withdrawals on the drops and how harsh? I had hell with each drop on the codeine.

Should I start taking the anti-depressants and beta-blocker again before the taper to reduce possibility of depression/anxiety peaking again during the withdrawal? The mirtazipine may mildly help with sleep without addiction issues and the beta-blocker with anxiety.

I'm determined to get off this crap but have no experience of a benzo withdrawal.

Really don't want to jeopardise my recovery from depression/anxiety period by going about this the wrong way.

Thanks.