Feeling defeated

[lilysmum]

Hi,
Just went on-line tonight seeking a little comfort in knowing I am not alone. I know I have found it here!! I have suffered from panic/anxiety attacks (whatever you want to call them) since a car accident in 1999. I have struggled over this time with depression, paxil and zoloft side effects (weight gain OMG! nothing like making you more depressed!) increased nervousness, and even times of agoraphobia.

I am proud to say that I have been med-free for over five years now and have only gotten better with each passing year (mostly). It is difficult, as many of you know, as it often feels like it is a journey of one foot forward and two, or three back, sometimes. Since having my daughter 18 months ago I have never felt better. I am very lucky and motherhood has agreed with me famously. I have lost 35 pounds, I walk everywhere I can (as fast as I can usually) , eat wholesome/healthy and organic foods if possible and am trying hard to do better everyday. I have even begun a practice of ashtanga yoga!!

I am feeling really defeated tonight because it was a tough couple of days. Most of my anxiety is generally triggered by the possibility of either being "trapped" in a vehicle, whether in traffic jam on the bridge or in an accident. I took a huge step in August and began to take the bus to work (something I never dreamed I could do!) It has been pretty good except for some minor blips on the calmness scale occassionly.

But Wednesday was what I call minor panic and I came home from the busstop with the excuse of having to use the bathroom and then I got drive (well I always have to actually do the driving but that is another part of this long story!) to work. Then yesterday I had full blown panic. Three phonecalls to home, the sweating, the heart racing, the inability to focus, the upset tummy, the fear...

The only good part of this story is I DID get on the bus, and I DID stay on the bus, and I DID get to work. I suffered through 40 minutes of trying to control my fear. I know I should be proud that I did that, but I am upset that it happened at all. I have come so far and I feel like this is a major set-back.

I just need to share this with someone who understands. So if you have read this lengthy tale and you do,

I thank you,
k [8)]

[feels_like_home]

Hi,

It is really hard to make such progress and then feel you have gone backwards. I had really bad anxiety while in university. It went away for about a year and now it is back. It is frustrating, but I just try to focus on the good days and to take it one day at a time. I hope you are feeling better.

Take care,

Michelle

[honeybee3939]

Hi K

A BIG warm welcome to you lovely to see you here, im sure will get some great advice here while making new friends on the way.

You should be proud of yourself that you managed to get to work on the bus, no matter how you felt you did it ! WELL DONE.

I myself have the same problem as you feeling trapped in cars and traffic jams, and have started to use the bus, i find the hardest part is when i stand at the bus stop waiting, i have been doing this a few weeks now and its getting easier, i take my mp3 player with me and listen to it, it distracts my thoughts and also i always take a magazine for the journey , just keep doing it K tell yourself nothing will happen to you, you have achieved so much.

Love

Andrea
xxxx

[manmoor]

Hi K,

A big warm welcome to you.

Take Care

Mandyxx

[chelsea]

Hi K,

Just read your post and definately related to it. When you manage to carry on and do the thing that causes the panic means you are one step closer to defeating it. I know exactly what you mean about buses that was where i had my first panic and the fear of going back on one was overwhelming, but after several months i decided i had to do it and i did. Wasnt the easiest of things but the feeling of elation after was well worth the effort im not saying i like buses now but i know that i can do it. So its made me face other situations where panic is a issue.

Welcome to the forum and i hope it brings you support and understanding.

Take carexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

donna

[zanna]

Hi,

never been on this before so I hope I am doing it right. I think you are very brave, panic attacks are awful, yet you carried on. If it was me I would be taking deap breathes through a paper bag, i think you should be so proud of yourself. Reading your letter made me think for the first time that, other people suffer from these attacks too. Well done hun.

[LickeyEndBlues]

Hi K

Welcome to NMP.

I'm sure you will have a lot to offer this site in your experiences and certainly the site will support you in advice and help. There are plenty people here who can relate to where you are at and people here who will help you regain the progress you have made.

Take care

Iain

Laissez les bon temp roulez

[nomorepanic]

Hi K

Just wanted to welcome you aboard. Lovely to see you here.

Nicola

People will forget what you said
People will forget what you did
But people will never forget how you made them feel

[sal]

Hi hun

We are all here to support you so now you have joined us you never now need to feel alone. Look forward to hearing more from you hun.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".