here first time, dont know how to cope with health problems

[lin84]

hi, im 29 not sure if i have HA but reading all the psots seems so familiar.
reason why i want to share is because i cant cope with the health issues that are hapening to me right now. dont know how to stop worring although i know its all far from constructive.
ok so how it all happend. in general im in difficult time of my live, broke up after 7 years of bad relationship which turned up to be coodependent in last 2 years. im happy i broke up, but loneliness is not easy. and my health crashed which makes it all worst. i have some immunity problems, 3 months ago i went through herpes zoster- which is uncommon in my age. ive blood tests and hiv test and all seem fine. im now waiting for immunological blood test results. however idea my immunology is soo bad freaks me out. my therapist thinks im detached from my body and my body is screaming for attention. and i just hate myself for having all this problems for doing it to myself.
but thing that worries me the most and i cannot handle is an yeast infection which i got in my mouth. my dctor said its so small there is no reason to treat it with antybiotics. thing is i got it due to state of my teeth - i had 4 broken with roots left, i removed two now need to wait 2 weeks to remove the reast. and i hate myself for getting this, i am a heavy smoker which makes infection worst, i hate myself for not being able to quit. i feel like im roating from the inside. i feel like im worst that anybody else , i feel dirty i dont want to be close to anybody. and i now that thinking like that im not helping myself, but i just cant stop. my entire concious is in mouth. i cant wait to see my dentist and these 2 weeks lasts forewer.
at the same time i had other problems, for last 4 weeks i have fever i was sure im getting zoster again. my face was going numb and my eyes dry. i hade sharp pains in my back and ended up in emergency with sings of heart attack- which appeard to be panick ofcourse.
the worst thing is that i have some desise which is self inflicted and very unplesant so it seems likw worring and beating myself up is the right thing to do. and i know this thinking is crazy. i wanna stop, becase its making me depressed and doesnt help solving my health problems. and f...k im only 29...

[Raphaels]

Hi ,
Try and be nice to yourself. We all feel like you in varying degrees. We all wish we were better. Go to the dentist. Try Nicotene replacement, instead of smoking. I wish you well.

[lin84]

thank you im waiting for y nicorette patches to be deliver day after tomorrw, so i hope it will be ok. thing is i try to quit twice in the last two months and it made my soo stressed and i dont know if i can handle stress right now. i know it sounds weak... maybe will be easier with patches.
the worst part is that im really not feeling well last 3-4 weeks i dont know why. need to wait for my results and my gp didnt eaven gave my ay instructions how to handle my infection. and im still afraid it could be reocurence of zoster. thing is because i feel so bad im to tired to do anything- go out, meet people, go do some sport. im just stuck on my sofe with my head, and this is the last thing i would like to be stuck with.
thanks for reading sometimes it feels like nobody could understeand

[Raphaels]

Everyone on this site understands. The problem is not everyone answers because they have there own issues to cope with. Just read up on Zoster. One of the contributing factors of getting it again is stress. So put a meditation tape on. Relax. Do it regularly it might help. But I know when we get anxious it's not easy. If I was there I'd give you a big hug. But I'm nit so here's a virtual big hug from me

[lin84]

thanks, i meant more people around me, it even became a joke among my friends, and im not offended, i know they care, actualy im laughing at myself too it doeas help a little, but once you are alone ad all you feel is symptoms its not funny anymore. but i guess it must be common to stress out becuase you are stressing out and you shouldnt cause it makes you sick. im just trying to trust my doctor that infection is not massive and im telling my self it feels so bad because mouth is very sensitive and brushing my teeth 10 times a day plus washing it with heavy desinfective mouth wash after every food doesnt help with heeling. and yes i think i got zoster because of stress, i went through a lot of real traumas with my ex so i guess once i relaxed my immunity decided to have a rest too. and to be honest i even forgot about this sickness untill two weeks ago when i went to gp. on the door she asked me if im there because of zoster ( i wasnt) and if i feel good if i didnt lose weight, and she told me to repeat hiv test as im far too young for this desiese. that just drove me nuts , maybe thats why i got all the symptoms.
im glad to find this forum, and hugs to you too

[Raphaels]

Hi, I have a good husband and sons. 2 live at home but the one doesn't even ask if I'm ok. I know he cares but he's just selfish. My youngest don us a blessing. But I'll tell you something you could be surrounded by people and still be lonely. This HA that we all have is a lonely existence. I'm very lonely. I have stopped working for a year now. I'm 60 but feel old. It's just my illness. I go yo keep fit and they are old. I hope to knitting and they are old. I'm surrounded with old people. Even though I'm 60 when I'm well I act like a 30 year old. My friends don't understand and are not bothered. They will phone when it pleases them. These are not friends even though I've known them since childhood. They are not me. If they were in the same situation they would not know what to do. But I would have been there for them. I feel sorry for my husband. X

[lin84]

hi, i think behind this condition there is always some reason , it serves us somehow thats why we hold on to it. im "fresh" i only started feeling that anxious few months ago. and its not diagnosed o i may be saying a lot of crap. if yes sorry. all i know is that its hard for me to be on my own ( i emigrated) and having to handle myself is a new task and i think my fears are becuase i would like to feel like im taking care of myself while in fact its only an exucse not to change things i should. but thats me and thats how im working with my terapist right now. i guess everybody has their own resons.
i know its easy to feel lonely when you have so much fear in you, its intensive and it takes a lot of space. but its not that people dont care. they usualy just dont know how it is and sometimes we "cry woolf" so often they get immune. i had my panic attack few weeks ago, it was buliding up for few weeks, i was going mad alone in my flat i though there is nobody in the world who can help. but after i crushed i started to ask for help, i was amazed how many people were there for me how many of them were mad at me for not saying anything. and i know there will be there if i really need them. im sure your family and you friends will allways be there for you as well. im sure they love you too bits. wish you luck !