Its just never ending, where do I go from here?

[Gotagetthroughthis]

Hello my NMP buddies, I haven't made a thread in a long while, I try and not come on here so much these days (for my anxiety's sake) I only pop on now and then just to post here and there where I can to help others.

Anyway I am just having a bad time at the moment, I wouldn't say I haven't been having a bad time the rest of the time but im just worse at the mo.

Basically I just don't know where to go with this anxiety anymore, it seems never ending and just changes direction and path every time I think im starting to get a little better.

I wont go into my life story but my anxiety mainly started from a fear of death and health anxiety but now has moved on.

I really think I can pretty much fully accept all the symptoms I get now, I don't react to them anymore. I haven't had a panic attack in months and months and think I can stop my anxiety from going that far these days. I don't spend my time googling or checking out my symptoms on the internet. I don't come on here asking for reassurance at all anymore and haven't in a good 6 months. Reassurance doesn't do anything for me anyway.

So why do I still spend every day feeling randomly so weak and ill that I feel I can barely do anything, feel like im on the verge of collapse for large parts of the day. If its not that I have stabbing head pains that come and go with building head pressure. If its not that I am having pains in my lower abdomen or chest. If its not that I am having random racing thoughts, anything ive done or watched on tv or talked about can become over analysed and a major issue in my head. Now you may say I must be worried about these symptoms as I mention them but to be honest im just fed up and bored of them now, Ive had them for so long and im bored of feeling like crap, sometimes if they get extremely severe like when I feel like im the verge of passing out, then of course yea i do get a bit anxious. All the while my world is tinted grey, I have a dark cloud hanging over me and the feelings that I will never ever get better creep back in now and then. I can honestly say since I had this anxiety/nervous breakdown whatever we want to call it, 2 years ago I have not had a single hour where I have felt, good or content, or truly happy, or just "normal" but i don't like to use the word normal as what is normal anyway. But yea I have never felt anywhere near to what I felt before this all started. The only time my brain does feel ok and doesn't over analyse is when im extremely drunk and we all know that's not a good idea so i rarely drink anymore.

Ive been on all the SSRIs bar 1, ive had CBT, had counselling and having counselling again now, I've gone down the all natural route, all healthy eating, exercise, supplements etc.

I feel I have accepted this anxiety now and am actually bored of it, and bored of feeling like this, I try continue as normal but really I am still consumed by this anxiety, my brain just seems like its developed some sort of imbalance and the way it functions cant return to normal.

I have come to a stage where im just like whats the point, there are no answers, no way out. No I wont give up yet but that's what seems like the only option.

Thank you to all those that read this long post. Would love to here any advice or ideas on this? I feel utterly lost.

[cattia]

I'm so sorry that you feel so low. It sounds as though background anxiety has lead to depression. Did none of the SSRIs work for you? Have you tried any different medication? What has helped me through some rough times is having a good acupuncturist. I have had the same one for ten years now. He knows me so well, so it is kind of like seeing a counsellor, but it also does something to change the physical balance of my body, to somehow shift things that are stuck. It makes me feel a lot better. I don't go often now as o can't afford it but if I could, I would go every fortnight like I used to. I hope you soon find something that works for you.

[frosty2901]

Hi Gotta
im sorry you feel so crap and nothing seems to help you
I remember you saying before you have low bp has there ever been any mention that this may cause some of your issues
I may be totally wrong but is it worth looking into this ?
I hope you get some relief soon mate
frosty xx

[Gotagetthroughthis]

Thanks Cattia and Frosty.

Cattia, yea accupunctue is definetlly an idea anything is worth a try. But im the same I cant really afford it either so i will have to give it a try if i come into somemoney.

Frosty, my blood pressure has always been very low along with my resting heart rate and i never felt like this before. Plus i have mentioned it to my doctors many times and they just say its not tjat low abd i would have been passing out by now if it was something to worry about. Im pretty sure its not my BP anyway.

i feel even worse today, im drained, im 24 yrs old and barely feel able to carry my own body where as 2 years ago i was athletic and fit with energy to burn in the gym.

I go docs and they do the standard blood test and it comes bacl normal everytime. Do they not tjink 2 check anything else. Sorry if theres bad spelling and grammer, im trying to type this on a crappy little phone.

[Gotagetthroughthis]

Anyone have any thoughts?

[Gotagetthroughthis]

Christmas day and it just feels like another land mark reminder of how far from a good mental state i am.

[Gotagetthroughthis]

I cannot live like this anymore, I have been plodding along with symptoms for long enough now. They are not anxiety and they are not right. Along with the physical symptoms, my brain is also not working properly and hasn't been for a while. My memory is getting increasingly worse, I cannot remember certain friends names or various characters in tv programs that i watch on a daily basis. I also have periods where I struggle to speak, my words are slurred or I just cannot think how to get the words out.

I am going back to the doctors when I can but it just seems like another pointless task and a battle for them to investigate anything. I just don't see a way forward anymore.

---------- Post added at 13:01 ---------- Previous post was at 09:42 ----------

Cant even get any advice on here either these days. I am fked in every way, i cant even think anymore.

[Magic]

So sorry Gota. It's a never ending circle. You have posted how you are feeling,and things do not seem to be getting any better.
If you have a printer , could you not print what you have said and hand it to your GP
and let them read and suggest medication.
You must go back to see GP in any case. Promise to do that --Please
lots love xxxx

[Gotagetthroughthis]

I will be going back to my GP as soon as they are open. But printing this and letting them read it, totally pointless. They wouldn't give the time to read it first of all and no i dont want them to suggest more medication, my brain is fked as it is without going back on meds which rot your brain even more. Plus any med ive been on haven't worked. Thanks for the suggestion though.

[Gotagetthroughthis]

Dont see the point in anything anymore.