New to Mertazipan

[hanshan]

Hello Phil,

In those not-accepting moments, consider trying pregabalin. If it doesn't work within a week at 400 mg per day, you can go back to acceptance.

[phil6]

Hanshan,
I am doing OK... Today I feel that my anxiety is there but it's OK that it's there....
I will see how it goes ... Thanks for your suggestion... I will consider it if necessary... Promise.!
I just want to keep it one step at a time at the moment.

[hanshan]

No problem, Phil. I'm sorry to be so insistent, but I'd hate to see you pass on something that might be helpful.

For me, mirtazapine was very good at helping me sleep at night, when I'd been waking up several times a night in an anxious state. It didn't do much for my daytime anxiety, however. After taking my first dose of pregabalin, literally about four hours later it seemed like years of anxiety and worry had been washed away. It seems that I am one of the lucky ones - it doesn't always work so well, or so quickly, or at a relatively low dose. Nevertheless, two thirds of people responding to a small poll on NMP have said they found it very helpful.

[phil6]

Thanks,
I have stopped the medication now, and have since 2 days ago.
I suspect that having succeeded so far so good I felt good and so had an excellent day yesterday with little or no anxiety. I felt like my old self and confident that I am no longer so afraid of anxiety.
Now this is too early to say how I am but the anxiety came back big time early this morning but passed off as I applied my new attitude which is ... It's ok and will pass.
I am waking in the night again but getting back to sleep quite quickly. The morning are much less drowsy. All to be expected.

[phil6]

Day 4 on no meds and having reasonably good days. I still obviously have to carry on with challenging my thinking and my other learned tools including meditation, but the anxiety comes and goes and is certainly no worse since stopping.
Phil

[phil6]

Update...
This morning I woke at 4 am with a real surge of anxiety. I laid there in the dark trying to tell myself to just allow the feelings and try not to fight them but the next 3 hours were really spent trying all sorts to get rid or reduce the panic.
Accepting or being willing to have the anxiety and allowing it to pass of its own accord is near impossible in this situation and I eventually took a 2mg Diazipam to stop me from despairing.
Of course a load of fearful thoughts accompanied the feelings... Have I made a mistake about meds, what if I feel like this all day, I cannot cope etc etc. A very unpleasant start to the day.
I think I have to accept that the Mertazapine was good for sleep and did take the edge of my anxiety. This also might take a few days to get accustomed to feeling fully again.
But I must not forget that when I was on Mertazapine I really was not happy and felt that I would never be my real self whilst taking it.
Acceptance is still the key, but I remember how difficult this is now.
Phil

[Norden]

Hi Phil, I´ve read all your post. I have a suggestion - try another medication called Agomelatine (Valdoxan). It´s very gentle. It can reduce your anxiety and it does not change your personality! It can be rather expensive in the UK, because it´s a new drug. If you don´t like it just stop it without any withdrawal symptoms. But as usual you need to take it 6-8 weeks to see a differance. Wish you the best.

[phil6]

Thanks Norden,
I think my mind is settling at present. There have been some good and bad days but I have felt some strange symptoms over the last few days which I suspect will slowly subside.
Strangely this morning I woke early but felt very calm and althogh I expected to think and then feel the usual morning anxiety it never came. It was very nice but I have got so used to the habit of morning anxiety it made me very wary. Having risen and had breakfast i now feel a bit shaky, but not too bad.
I want to give myself a chance to settle without meds for a while and if I can put into practice my CBT training and meditation then the hope will be to recover naturally as I have done in the past.
Phil

[phil6]

Update,
Still getting anxiety especially early mornings but I suppose this is reverting to what things were like prior to Mertazapine. Although I am practicing acceptance and trying to allow the feelings to come and go there is a bit of settling down going on I am sure as I feel a bit jittery throughout the day which is new to me.
Anyway it's been a wee now and I would say I have felt some discontinuation symptoms especially a little heightened anxiety and some odd days of nausea but it hasn't been too bad, and some of this might just be down to anxiety. How do you tell?
I think I will probably finish this diary now unless something extraordinary happens!
Phil