Musings: The Dragon Within

[Charlotteee89]

LOVED FEELING LIKE I WAS A PART OF YOUR GIG!!! You rock!! Hope today is awesome for you!!!

---------- Post added at 10:07 ---------- Previous post was at 10:04 ----------



Hey Charlotte!
Lol- yes, the "dragon talk" has really taken on a life of its own here at NMP. It is interesting, because in some ways the "dragon" is us, but at the same time it is almost like we have to look at it as something different from us so that we can "fight it."
Glad you are here at NMP-- it is a truly wonderful community!

I don't see my anxiety as truly who I am, I see it as a stressed, low confident part of me over-analyzing & over-thinking everything trying convince myself of several things.

My mind can't seem to stop over-analyzing everything at the moment but I think that's due to my anxiety I had before... I just learnt to calm it down to a point where it became not a problem anymore or that I just never noticed it. But now it's been unearthed x100 after having a bad panic attack 5 weeks ago. :/

But it's great to know that I'm not the only one... So many people go through this!

[TooMuchToLiveFor]

So how are you doing, Too Much. Sounds like your evening out went pretty well. I'm proud of you for the fight that your waging. Keep sharpening that sword.

Hey Tanner! I have been thinking of you and glad to visit with you this morning! Thank you for all the support this last round….it was a doozie, but I am regaining ground with each day. Evening out went well, and last night did too (took the kids to the ballet), and the morning anxiety is even starting to ease up again.

Going to start easing the Xanax back off (only been using a low dose to get me through the worst of the panic), and going to try to get back in the gym Monday.

I will not let this last big blam be for naught though-- I think it has not only sharpened my sword, but is giving me more arsenal to share with others.

Will hit your thread from today to catch up on your stuff. Hugs, Sister!

[Tanner40]

Sounds like you are coming out of this doozie much stronger. So did the kids enjoy the ballet? Sounds like a wonderful evening out. As for the help, you're welcome. That's what this is all about, right?

[TooMuchToLiveFor]

The kids loved it and were both so well behaved!

It is all about helping each other--for sure!

[Fishmanpa]

I award you with the latest in Dragon Slaying Swords and hand knives. Well deserved too!



Positive thoughts

[TooMuchToLiveFor]

I award you with the latest in Dragon Slaying Swords and hand knives. Well deserved too!



Positive thoughts

FMP- that made me smile so big! Those are B.A.!!

…Perfect timing too, as I just had a bad panic wave hit again, but I'm excited to try out these new weapons…..

I keep remembering the word you gave me awhile back….perspective.

[LeFi_81]

Wow guys, you just have the special power to make me smile with warmth! TMT I am so happy you are doing better!!! Do you feel stronger? Better equipped now?

It is like the "growing pains" of children. For anxiety sufferers these pains are really scary and traumatizing to a certain effect. But you "leveled up" now again!

So you were working in the performing arts? Ballerina?

[TooMuchToLiveFor]

Greetings fellow warriors!!
Well, first off for those of you that have been wondering…..I was not eaten or burned alive by my dragon….nor did I ride my dragon off into the proverbial sunset with a happy ending to my tale of traveling to the Land of Recovery.
There really isn't anything too exciting to report at all. I have just been living day to day, taking the bad with the good, and trying not to let the fact that I still struggle (although I am out of the darkest of days) not sum up who I am and what my life is.
I have had some wonderful days and some far from wonderful days. The majority of my days are good and look very normal from the outside looking in…..from my inside looking out- I know that I fight through lots of yucky moments, foggy brain feelings, and disheartenment with the whole lot of the situation quite a bit.
I stopped coming by here without intention….one day I just realized it had been several days, and then before I knew it that turned into several weeks.
I have realized through this time that many of the HA posts had actually started prompting me to have thoughts of that nature, so I think it is good that I took a little NMP vacation, and that I take more care to not get pulled into that line of thinking in the future. I have so many symptoms that I actually did something I never do----I googled. Of course, since I have never had HA I didn't think it was a big deal….however, when a huge list of symptoms agreed with a diagnosis of MS and it took me several days to really get that out of my head I realized that is a slippery slope from which I stay away.
The thing that I feel bad about is that I have quite a few friends here with whom I should have checked in with way sooner. Tanner, MrAndy, and KLP-- thank you so much for your PMs! I am so sorry to have just disappeared. I have realized upon returning that it was quite rude to not have sent the three of you (and a few others) a little note to let you know all was well, and to see how you were. If some of you had just disappeared I would not just have missed you, but been very concerned, so please forgive me for being insensitive!
I am very behind in how everyone is doing, so please- if you feel like it- let me know how you are!

One of my latest revelations in the fight against my dragon's bad side is that my meds are not going to be my cure. I have been doing all the many other things I knew to do along the way, but I think I have realized that my true hope was relying on these meds to fix everything and then all the other weapons in my dragon slayer's kit were just going to take me above and beyond. Well, the other weapons I have will still take me above and beyond……, but the medication is not my cure. It is the cast that goes on my brokenness, and then TIME is what will actually be my remedy. I have to heal. Healing takes time. This is not a new concept. It is even one on which I have read many threads and on which I have written myself,…….but I think I am truly starting to understand the concept on a deeper level. So, I will keep my cast (Sertraline) on until my doctors say it is time for it to be removed, and I will remember that even then I will need to give myself time to regain strength, mobility, and agility.
I do wish this condition was not a part of my life…..,but it is. So, now the only thing is…..what am I going to do with it?
I am going to keep working with my dragon…..some days fighting….some days training… and some days just biding my time. But in each of those days is the gift of life. And, I will not take it for granted.

My dear NMP friends-- let's head into this week with our armor polished, swords sharpened, and battle plans clear. Onward toward the Land of Recovery!!!

[Tanner40]

Good Morning Too Much! Glad to see you back and know that the dragon's fire has not consumed you. Although riding that dragon into the Land of Recovery sounds like a wonderful aspiration. Reading all of the HA posts on NMP and becoming too involved can become a slippery slope. I think that many of us have had that happen to ourselves in the past.
It is always a tough realization when we figure out that the medication is merely a cast for our brokennesss. I prefer to think of it as my opportunity to heal and become stronger and more durable. Being broken just means that there is a high opportunity for mending. The tools that you have spent time developing will be the means to that healing process.
Time is the great healer. Time can also be the great destroyer. We can choose which side time will be on by choosing our actions and our reactions to life. Time is merely life to be lived. I say, let's live it.

[Fishmanpa]

We can choose which side time will be on by choosing our actions and our reactions to life.

That's it right there! It truly IS a choice. To seek help, to allow the negative self talk and anxious thoughts to take over your life.

What will you choose?

Positive thoughts