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Thread: Musings: The Dragon Within

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
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    906

    Re: Musings: The Dragon Within

    Thanks, Daisy Sue!

    Mr. Andy, I liked your suggestion.

  2. #12
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    Dec 2013
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    906

    Re: Musings: The Dragon Within

    So, I have been thinking more about Miss Dragon-Adrenaline-Me (see original posts to be introduced to her)......most of these musings tend right now to be based on my understanding of the sympathetic nervous system, parasympathetic nervous system, and limbic system (thanks due mainly to the works of Dr. Claire Weeks and http://nothingworks.weebly.com).

    The last few days I have been thinking about how my dragon (sympathetic nerve system) is very comparable to a guard dog......you know the kind.....my guard dog would NEVER hurt me, but she is a ruthless, relentless, vicious, machine if she even IMAGINES something is putting me in danger. The problem is- she needs a bit of a doggie obedience school.....she needs to be conditioned and socialized, so she knows that when my heart speeds up a bit because my hubby gives me a kiss, or when my eyes open in the morning it doesn't mean I am under attack. The kitchen and laundry room aren't war zones from which she needs to chase me away, and she needs to learn that she can trust my friends...they love me too, and I am safe when I am with them. The only way she is going to learn these things is if she sees me continue to do them. Over time she will realize that not every single thing in life is something from which she needs to protect me, and she will calm down. I will stay calm even when she isn't. I will let her bark, growl, pace, but as I breathe deeply in and out and just lovingly let her know all is well- she will find peace too. I love my guard dog...she is my fierce protector, but she is very high-strung these days and needs some days, weeks, who knows how long for sure....of me showing her normal, everyday life is a good thing. So that is what I will do.

  3. #13
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    Dec 2013
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    906

    Re: Musings: The Dragon Within

    Well, Miss Dragon,
    You are doing pretty well considering the following.....

    Yesterday you had yourself all worked up. You were even starting to get me worked up since the day before that we had the best day we have had in months and it was so hard to see you in such a state again so quickly....., but we did it. We made it through without spiraling (thanks- FMP and Tanner )!

    Then, today you woke me up at 445am...., but that's later than 430am-- which you are usually right on the dot about our wake up time. So, I am going to focus on that extra 15 minutes you let us sleep in. Moving in the right direction is huge success! Good girl!

    And- the biggie....Today is the first day since the beginning of November that I have not given you your Xanax vitamin! Now, I have been weaning you off of them for sometime now.....you were originally taking .5 4xs a day (with an extra .25 thrown in when you were flying yourself into circles)....and over the last few weeks you have dropped down more and more....., but today- the fact that you are definitely up and awake, and yet we are making it through (even being productive!) without reaching for that pill.....is a HUGE SUCCESS!

    So wear yourself out, Miss Dragon (adrenaline). Then take a nice, cozy nap. I'll let you know if I really need you....., but today all I really need is to remember how far we have come.

  4. #14
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    Aug 2013
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    Re: Musings: The Dragon Within

    well done TMT
    __________________
    dont panic ,put the kettle on

  5. #15
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    Dec 2013
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    906

    Re: Musings: The Dragon Within

    Thank you, dear, Mr.Andy.

    How is work going? Do you feel like you are starting to level out yet?

  6. #16
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    Dec 2013
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    906

    Re: Musings: The Dragon Within

    Shhhhh.....the dragon has been sleeping since about 2pm. I have enjoyed a lovely evening with my family. I find myself getting excited that maybe, just maybe she'll stay sleeping in the morning......, but, her training hasn't been going on for that long, so I can't let myself get discouraged if tomorrow starts out rough. Turns out I might have been forcing her off her Xanax vitamins a little too early and a little too fast. So, she can have them for now...., but only a very small amount, and only when absolutely necessary.

    Oh, how I treasure these few hours at night when my blood isn't humming, tummy isn't full of electricity, and face and arms aren't heavy with the feeling of fire ants. I'm not scared of what those feelings mean or what they can do to me, because I know they just mean I have an excess of adrenaline- and they can't harm me in anyway. But, I want those feelings gone. I will float above them and do my best to function anyway....., but I will get myself (my dragon- my sympathetic nervous system) under control. Tomorrow is another day closer to wholeness- regardless of how I wake up.

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
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    76

    Re: Musings: The Dragon Within

    too much to live for
    i have read this whole post and can i say you have a beautiful way of describing this whole thing we are going through,
    its like reading a story ive laughed at parts and shed a few tears too,
    can i just say keep up the fantastic job you are doing i have every faith in you that you will one day soon have your dragon fully trained x

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
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    108

    Re: Musings: The Dragon Within

    TooMuch, Your 'dragon within' analogy is helping me so much as I feel exactly the same but could never put it into words as you do!

    Thankyou

    Mermaid

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
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    1,137

    Re: Musings: The Dragon Within

    Too Much, great job that you're doing while training the dragon. I love the guard dog analogy. I have a German Short Haired Pointer that needs that same training. A squirrel in the yard is a vicious attack on his property. My dragon is pacing around this morning, lodged in the center of my chest and throat. I wish she would take a vacation and fly to Peru.
    __________________
    Tanner

  10. #20
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    Dec 2013
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    906

    Re: Musings: The Dragon Within

    It is so hard to find that perfect balance between dragon slayer and dragon trainer.

    Since I know that my dragon is really me- my sympathetic nervous system pumping adrenaline into my body because it thinks I am in danger- it hardly makes sense for me to want to slay the beast-- she is only doing what she is supposed to do to help me, to guard me, to protect me. She is me,...well, rather, a part of me. But, she is completely out of control with her views of what is dangerous, and makes me miserable with her storming about! And, as much as I want to train her, and as much as I KNOW that is the only way back to the land of the free.....sometimes I just want to put a dagger in her heart I just hate her so much for all that she has stolen from me in such a short amount of time.

    Fighting Fire with Fire:
    Today my therapist did some biofeedback. I had no idea what we were doing when he handed me two little wires to hold attached to a little black box that he was holding. He wrote down a number that was on the box, and then he had me close my eyes and repeat after him (not out loud- in my head)- "My right leg is getting warm. My right leg is getting warm."......This went on for awhile, and then we moved to my right foot. Then we moved to my left leg, and then left foot- followed by my right arm and hand, and left arm and hand. It took about 10 to 15 minutes, I think? He then had me open my eyes. Turns out the original number he had written down was the temperature of my extremities when we started....and now that number was between three to four degrees higher! I had literally raised my body temperature in those areas purely by repeating a positive statement to them....and our body temperature is involuntary! If that can happen....then wouldn't it stand to reason that I can eventually learn to slow my heart? Relax my muscles? .....Dare I even say- teach my body to not release adrenaline into my bloodstream outside of when there is a legitimate need for it?

    I have realized today that I have an unknown amount of untapped power.....and I am going to unleash it. Dragon, watch out. We're going to boot camp. I love you (myself) too much to give in. This body is MY castle....you just live here.

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