PLEASE HELP: acute stress or PTSD following traumatic health attack
Please help, anyone. I have been suffering from a genuine physical health problem for nearly a year...and I am at a point now where I fear I am going to lose my sanity.
Since around February, I have been having this problem where if I got angry or stressed I itched like crazy, like a monkey, every part of my body, accompanied by little red dots that faded within minutes if not sooner...but it also occurred with physical activity, exercise, moving something heavy, or just being too hot. Heat is a key factor here. In the course of this past year, it grew worse and worse. I have seen 2 dermatologists for a total of 4 appts, one regular MD, a nurse practioner, and an allergy immunologist, and despite describing these symptoms down to a tee to each one, I got told anything from "Just Stress" to "a dust mite allergy reaction."
Let me put it this way, Feb-June it was a nuisance, June - Aug it was annoying, Aug - late Sept it became troublesome then worrisome, and by late Sept it had become a crisis. It had gotten so bad that my simple emotions had become so ultra sensitive to it, that just watching a simple TV program or listening to music caused my chest to literally burn, accompanied by a reddish rash, red dots. Ehem..."intimate" time also burned, especially in my feet. Of course, I thought I was going out of my mind, how could stress or a dust mite allergy be causing this??? How???
In the second week of October, I believe I found my answer, a diagnosis I had to come to myself. "Cholinergic Urticaria." For some unknown reason, the body's sympathetic or parasympathetic nervous system (one of those two, cant remember which) sort of becomes over stimulated. When one gets physically, hot, aka the core body temp rises, or even more simply you get stressed, or exercise or exert, or get anxious, or nervous, or really happy, or scared, or emotionally moved (basically...if you live!) you get this horrible reaction. The nerve endings release acetocholine, which is supposed to make you sweat but instead releases histamine which makes you itch and sting and burn and of course, little red dots! (those are actually hives or urticaria) It had developed a very severe case of it.
Unfortunately, I had come to this conclusion too late. The week before, I had my most severe, traumatizing attack. It was so severe and agonizing, it brought me to the floor and I broke down crying. It felt as if thousands of hot pins and needles were stabbing me all over my chest and arms, when it had mostly passed, i saw hundreds of the tiny dots all over my body. I had no idea what was happening, I was convinced I was dying, that I had lymphoma or cancer. After all, I had seen so many doctors and no one so much as once uttered anything resembling urticaria. The medication they had given me, an antihistamine hydroxyzine was worthless. So I was convinced that no medication could help me. I slipped into a deep depression, I stopped eating (convinced it could also be something I was consuming) and would spend most of my days in bed, crying or questioning my sanity.
I really believe that I may be suffering some form of PTSD or an acute stress disorder from that one particular attack. Nearly 3 months later, I keep reliving it in some way. It continuously gives me distressing thoughts that plague me, the event was so horrifying to me. I avoid any reminders of that evening. I can remember the date, the time, what I had eaten just 10 minutes before and even what movie was on TV. It sounds kind of silly, but I purposely avoid that movie now, close my eyes and flip the channel or leave the room. I avoid that food I had eaten. I even avoid the clothes I wore. Worst of all, though, I can't avoid any mental triggers, because they are involuntarily occuring out of my own body. I cannot escape my body. Even a minor tingle or itch or a few hives, even though they are nowhere near as severe, keeps bringing me back to that night. I start on this crazy train of thoughts, that it will happen again at any moment, or that it will just keep happening, that i will be stuck in this painful agonizing body, or that any potential treatment won't work at all or it will work but then stop working, or that it will go away and stay away, but randomly come roaring back.
I am 24 years old and I feel as if I have no more future. I will never be independent, never have a new career, never meet a partner, never travel. I have no interest in my former favorite things. I used to be a total bibliophile (lover of books). I got some wonderful books for christmas but they made me sad. They reminded me how I used to be just a short few months ago. My mood waxes and wanes from bits of happiness to sinking into depressed dark moods, to anger and irritability, over sensitivity to sounds. I try to have hopeful thoughts for the future. This condition usually fades on its own but that could take years. Instead, the memory of that event keeps intruding in my mind. I see myself collapsed on the floor writhing in agony and that no one can help me, then I have to leave the room and be alone. I'll usually tear up and cry. I look at my family members and just wish I could be normal again like them.
Thoughts that my life is not worth living cross my mind (not suicide, but just feeling like crawling in a whole and staying there) but I do my best to soldier on, as if it's a fight for "future me" who exists as a happy man with a life free of his condition. He exists only because I stuck around and didnt give in. Thats what keeps me going. What is so infuriating is that this is a fairly common condition and I am right within the age group this mostly occurs. Everything I described should have been picked up by at least one damn doctor. Perhaps I could have prepared for it mentally and not get stressed that I was dying or anything. The allergist looked at me like I was nuts when I said I'd break out on the treadmill and itch like crazy with red dots. She should have said either cholinergic urticaria or at the very least exercise induced urticaria, which is a real condition. But no, i got told nothing. Now the damage is done in my head. Most things I have read from other sufferers is that not much helps them, few anti-histamines work.
In addition to the problem itself, I feel I have become overly sensitive to the sensation of itch, an itch that I cannot scratch. I fear now that I will develop some sort of psychogenic itch and they will lock me up, that i will lose my sanity because of itch....then of course, it also triggers my memories of that Oct attack. God, i'm screwed up, and in such a short amount of time. If you told me just four months ago that it would get this bad, I wouldve told you you're nuts! Why cant I forget that memory? Why does it cause me such distress? I am going to see a new allergy immunologist next week who is supposed to be very good, but now I fear I need mental help as well before I reach some point of no return. Are there psychologists or therapists that specialize in problems stemming from physical health problem? I need help. It's hard to admit, but I do. I want the old me back.
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I hope you do and get to the root of the issues that are causing you such distress. Even if this turns out to be a physical issue, still seek help for the mental anguish this is causing you.
Unfortunately, cholinergic urticaria is an all too real ailment and so many people suffer. What really stunk was I saw one of those dermatologists again, and mentioned the name and all he could say was "oh..cholinergic urticaria? yeah, uh huh, mm hmm yup. so just, ya know, where loose clothing..." Nevermind the fact that I saw him 2x already and described those symptoms and he never said anything, now he suddenly agrees with my diagnosis?? Thanks for nothing. Hopefully my new immunologist, who came highly recommended, will be much more sympathetic and willing to work with me. In my research, I have come across studies that have indicated that any type of chronic urticaria can be just as demoralizing and debiliting as heart disease or kidney problems...so yeah, im gonna need some mental help to get me through this too. plus, i think all the depression and anxiety is over-exaggerating my symptoms now, leaving me helpless. So need to get a handle on that. It's sad because it primarily occurs in late teens - mid 20s (tho any age can be affected). All I can do is think of all those poor young guys and gals who think they've suddenly become freaks of nature, shutting themselves in their rooms from friends and family, and their doctors give them no useful advice. They treat it as if it were just a minor annoyance...when in reality it's shaking you to the core of your being. Unfortunately there is no immediate cure. Believe it or not tho, one of the more hard core but usually more effective symptomatic treatments is tricyclic anti-depressants (namely Doxepin). That would be my next treatment course. My sanity is dependent on it working and continuing to work...unfortunately with chronic urticaria, often times a pill just stops being effective.
Originally Posted by cattia
