Stop feeling ugly

[debstar]

I have a problem with social anxiety that I always think when I am around other people that I look ugly. I have red hair and freckles and I have been teased about these things growing up. So it makes me feel embarassed when walkng down the street or going out to clubs etc. I always think that people look at me and say to themselves that I am ugly.

I am pretty and alot of people tell me that but I put my head down when I go anywhere.

I want to feel confident and walk with my head held high and to stop thinking that other people are thinking things.

My husband is very good looking and was very popular at school with the girls and I think when we are down the street that people are saying "why is he with her."

I didn't really think much of it until I read this website.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can feel and be more confident?

Deb

[scaredycat2001]

hi deb.
i know just how you feel. i've always felt ugly too and school didnt help with lots of teasing. on the rare occassions i go out with my friend i notice that all the blokes give her loads of looks and i feel completely invisible. i always feel like the ugly friend and if i see someone good looking in the street i go a different way cos i couldnt bear for them to see me.
not very much advice here i know but thought it might help to know you're not alone.
anyway, you have a hubby so he obviously thinks you're lovely!

scaredycat

[Paddington]

Hello fellow copper head!!I too have the red hair,i used to hate it when i was young ,but now i am 51 and dont have grey hair just golden /copper locks i am glad i was born a ginger nut!!Hey ,the ugly thing,hunny ,i could write a book,then use it to cover my face..I LOATHE MY LOOKS..FEEL REPULSIVE AND DEFORMED!!So i do understand where you are coming from,cept you said ....' am pretty.....'now this is good !You know you are pretty but your lack of self esteem is stopping you believing it!Look in the mirror every day and say ..i am beautiful...go on do it,you will believe it eventually!Having a hunky hubby can make us women insecure but hey he chose you.Now,,there is nothing more offputting than your other half hiding them selves away,the lowering of the face,hiding behind the hair[tho we couldnt do that really,it being like a pillar box..are you smiling yet!!??]...be proud of who you are,do not compare yourself to others and be the beauitiful,and unusal red head you were born to be,...that is an order!!Loads of love Mary Rose[yep!At least you were not lumbered with a ridiculous name too!!!lol!!]xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore

[yorkylover]

Hi Deb,dont put your self down girl.I used to be exactly the same as my ears stick out.Now I have had my hair cut short and I have my hair some days behind my ears.I used to be picked on at school,but now I dont care if people look at me.I to have a social phobia.Your husband loves you very much and maybe he was popular with the girls at school,but he married you.
Freckles are cute,and red hair.Have you tried having a new style or highlites,just to make you feel good.I always feel nice when Iv had my hair done,and Iv had all different colours.

Ellen XX

[LickeyEndBlues]

Your husband is very good looking and why is he with you? Because he loves you just the way you are!!!

When I was going through adolescence I fely ugly and unwanted, stupid sticky out hair, spots and no one interested in being my girlfriend..not that I really knew how to go about it. It was just a phase and I turned that corner eventually...although still feel very adolescent at times...body just can't keep upthough!!

I feel the others have hit the nail on the head with their comments too.

Take care

Iain

Laissez les bon temp roulez

[debstar]

Thankyou all for your responses. They made me smile.

I am going to try hard to be more self confident especially in social situations where I stay quiet to hide.

Thankyou all again.

Deb

[belle]

Hi Deb....
If you're pretty and people tell you your pretty why hide your face? You should be proud of the way you look (and even prouder you have a hot man next to you!)
Me...on the other hand, i am CONSTANTLY told my face looks a mess (acne scarring), i'm told my hair looks untidy and my husband has regulary told me that i look "scanky", that i am "Unattractive and unsexy" and my "Clothes are s**t".
I was bullied at school for being fat and ugly (with horrendous teeth), and the comments continue now...16 years on!!!!!
Whenever i go out with my husband particulary, i always walk in front of him, we NEVER walk together, 'cause i KNOW how he feels about me and IF HE DOES, WHAT THE HELL DO STRANGERS THINK? More often than not i wear a big hat and sunglasses so half my face is covered up.
To say i feel ugly is an understatment, i was once told that the best thing for me to do is get a big rubber (eraser) and rub myself out and start again.
I hate me!
Sarah.

[smithjam]

Hi Sarah

I think it is your husband that needs rubbing out and starting again. Everyone is attractive in some way, except your husband who is obviously ugly inside.

J

[ConfusedByLife]

It seems to be more and more common now that girls and even guys go round with inferiority complexes about how they look. Whether it's due to the over-critical media, the constant bombardment of airbrushed models on adverts and cosmetic surgery celebs I don't know. But, at least we can know we are not alone, many ppl openly admit feeling ugly, and most are not. It is a bit of a cliche and has been said before but "beauty is only skin deep". In a way i feel sorry for attractive ppl because for many this is what they are mainly viewed as their only quality, also many girls in particular get treated a lot more favourably becasue of good looks, but this doesn't mean they are happy on the inside. To be honest if people really see attractiveness as such an important quality (which i'm sure most intelligent ppl don't) then they are worse ppl for it. OK, i'll shut up now...

[sixy]

debster, I know the feeling too! I'm pretty sure that I'm ugly too, although people tell me otherwise, including my partner. But I feel that they are being polite, its nicer to say "you're pretty" rahter than saying you're ugly.

I totally agree with Confused, I think the way that the media indiactes 'beauty' is making it too unrealistic. Everywhere I seem to look are these beautiful pictures of gorgeous women, scantly clad, looking stunning...perfect hair, perfect skin, etrc etc...its a tall order to live up to. We look at these images as a form of understanding what beauty is. When have you ever seen an 'average' looking women advertising something on tv or in another advert? And all those lads mags dont help either...intersting that they don't really have a female equivalent.....they have tried, but failed!

However, the pressure is also on for men too. I was talking a while ago about it with my partner and he said he feels the pressure of conforming to the medias view of what a man looks like. Funny thing is, I dont really notice it and I think my man is sex on legs! So both men and women face the daily pressure of looking good in the media's eyes.

Sarachc, I'm not going to sit here and judge on your relationship, but what you said about how your husband treats you looks wise, I'm worried hun. Like smithjam said, hes the ugly one on the inside. Thats just awful.

Trying to live up to modern day expectations of beauty are hard, if not impossible and I certainly look in the mirror (if I'm brave enough) and sigh....