Trauma from past illness now a trigger for my anxiety

[Annie0904]

If you have HA you may not want to read this.
As many of you know I had an accident a couple of years ago. I was painting the stair case and fell off the ladder backwards onto the stairs. My foot was wrapped around the rung of the ladder. I fractured 2 metatarsals and dislocated a toe. Recovery was very slow and I was in a lot of pain. In fact I still have pain in my foot now.
After 4 weeks off being in plaster I had to go and have my foot x rayed again. When the plaster was removed the pain in my foot was unbearable. I was left in a wheelchair to wait to go for the xray. I began to feel really ill and faint. The nurse brought me a drink of water and the next thing I knew I woke up in a room on a trolley with about 6 faces looking at me asking if I knew where I was. I didn't know at first, they had to tell me. I then started to vomit and can honestly say I had never felt so ill in my life before. They wheeled me in for the xray (my foot had not even started to heal) re plastered my foot (all without me being able to sit up) They then sent me to A&E for further tests on my heart etc. One of the nurses had said she thought I had had a seizure rather than just fainting. All of the tests were fine and I was sent home.
I keep reliving all this experience but through therapy have been able to deal with it. This week I have a terrible cold, chest infection and painful ringing ears and for some reason it has got me thinking about my horrible hospital experience again. rationally I know that it is a whole different thing but I feel so ill at the moment that it is making me anxious. A long time since anxiety has reduced me to tears but that is where I am this morning.
Hugs will be much appreciated.

[PanchoGoz]

Hope you feel better soon Annie. It's amazing how alive memories can seem sometimes.

[Annie0904]

Thank you Pancho...just feeling a bit sorry for myself at the moment with feeling so ill.

[Tessar]

annie, as you are feeling very unwell, and are worn out from coughing and not sleeping, your spirits are very low. its very difficult to remain positive when you feel like that.
unfortunately when feeling low.... old bad memories do creep back into our minds. its not easy to stop the thoughts once they start.
also for you, one way to cope with those thoughts is to be busy either at home or getting out and doing things. you are always keeping busy & being industrious. well at the moment that coping method's been taken away from you cause you are too ill to go out.
so no wonder you are feeling low. on top of your unpleasant & painful physical symptoms you've got a bag of rubbish that's crept back into your mind too.
Well, it's time to kick that rubbish into touch. Not easy I know but you can do it. Because your head, ears and so on feel funny, that's bound to make you feel out of sorts. perhaps like you are really there or that your head is really swimming. you know in your mind that really the comparison between back then and now isn't realistic but because you are unwell, it is magnifying your fear. you do know that but as you rightly say because you feel so ill at the moment it is making you anxious.
in general terms a nasty cold will show signs improving soon so hopefully this is not going to last too long. oh also, if I am ill sometimes I have bad dreams too. it can have quite an impact you know.
but its important to retain your connection to reality and what is rational. remind yourself of your words below "rationally I know that it is a whole different thing" because you are right, it is a whole different thing.
Also that experience you had before its very unlikely you had a seizure most likely your body reacted to the pain and also the strange sensation of having your foot out of the plaster. sometimes fainting is the body's way to cope. also I would have been pretty phased if I woke up with loads of people looking at me like that!
so..... be good to yourself, take it easy. do everything you can to help look after yourself. no running around doing chores you promise?
you will get better and your tears will stop but at the moment if you want to cry then do. you're tired & emotional from being ill. remind yourself of that. tears are ok you know. don't be too hard on yourself either as I know you do that sometimes. you are coping well even if it doesn't feel like it.

these are all for you.....



and to annies germs....

[Annie0904]

Thank you Tessar for your kind words, everything you have said is right especially about me always keeping busy. That is my coping mechanism and at the moment I need to rest and don't have the energy to be busy so I am sitting in bed letting my mind run away with what I know are irrational thoughts. Okay so what am I going to do? I have a book to read...I need to finish reading 'The Book Thief' before I go to see the film so that is something I can do and I can look online for nice places to go when I am on holiday in Malta in June Change my negative thoughts into positives Thank you Tessar

[Tessar]

THAT'S REAlly cool annie I am pleased you can think of some things to do. but you do need to rest as well so if you get frustrated & cant concentrate, don't worry about that. I find concentrating when i'm all bunged up & have a headache etc really hard. also I think it distorts your thinking too. I can be very unpleasant. more hugs.
HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS

[bernie1977]

I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling so ill with this cold. A chest infection alone can make you feel absolute rubbish. Sending you lots of hugs and wishing you well soon. I can understand why you're getting the negative thoughts, you're ill so you're not at your strongest and that's when that devil anxiety see's an opening and pounces. Believe me it will pass, you'll send that devil packing soon when you get rid of this cold and get better sleep.

Try and get some of Allan's Yorkshire Puddings down you

[Annie0904]

Thank you for the extra hugs tessar.
Bernie, thank you too. Hubby will be cooking dinner later, I don't feel like eating much at the moment but will have a small portion of Sunday dinner

[nomorepanic]

A chest infection alone can make you feel absolute rubbish.

Totally agree, as I am still getting over my chest infection and I have been unable to do much without feeling short of breath and rubbish !

Hope you feel better soon Annie. I have just finished my antibiotics and now just have a cough that I am hoping will settle down.

Funnily enough I went on a drive to Milton Keynes recently whilst feeling like this and my anxiety was sky high driving on a road that normally doesn't bother me so I think being ill makes us more prone to anxious thoughts as well.

I too am not eating much as I have no appetite.

Get well soon

[Annie0904]

Thank you Nicola, I hope you feel better soon too. When ever I feel physically ill I always feel more anxious. I think because as Tessar says, I can't keep my usual coping strategies in place. I am at the doctors tomorrow for blood test results, I am sure it will be just to say what I already know...that I am going through the menopause He tested for a few things though.