Letting go

[SadSadie]

Hello

Does anyone else feel like they can't let go of the anxiety? Almost like you cling to it, because you know it? I don't know if that will even make sense to anyone else.

For example, if I have a good day/few hours, I then feel anxious that I have not remembered to worry about something, and because of this, things will be heaped back on to me, as I have dared to not think about it? Why can't I just be happy that I have managed to escape it for a while?

I just read that back, and its nuts!

[fedup36]

Hey,

Yes I have this ... I worry about not being worried!!
Then I think something bad will happen because I'm not worrying... Stupid isn't it!!
So your not alone!

[LunaLiuna]

I feel exactly the same when I'm in a good mood, it's horrible!

It's almost like I have to worry about something to stop it from happening, and when I don't it feels well, exactly how you described. it feels kinda like the positivity isn't real, and the anxiety is? I don't know. I understand you though

[Fishmanpa]

I've seen others post similar feelings. It's as if you're in a co-dependent relationship with your anxiety as you describe it.

Positive thoughts

[cut_out_stars]

I feel like this too! I might have a good bit of time not worrying then the stupid side of my brain goes "wait you're NOT worrying? Well we can't have that" and bang, it's back!

It's crap really :(

[WhyWhyWhy]

Me too

I've even asked myself do I actually secretly enjoy it, I seem unable to let it go! Of course I don't enjoy it, I do find that if I'm not worrying I worry that I'm not going to be prepared when something bad does happen or for when I get the bad news. I feel like if I'm in a state of worry, panic and anxiety then when I'm hit with something bad I'll be able to cope better. Worried that if I'm going about my day carefree then I'm not going to be prepared for the doom I seem to be constantly expecting.

What I also find odd is how I seem to be able to detach myself from it when talking about it sometimes. Like now, I feel rational talking about it on here. It's like it's a part of me yet I'm talking about it in third person. Guaranteed I'll leave the website and go back to normal and I'll take it back on. I don't know if I've explained that well

[SadSadie]

Oh, thank you everyone for replying, at least I know that it's not just me then (not that I wish this onto anyone else).

WWW, I totally understand where you are coming from. I am like that when I fly. I have to listen intently to the engine noises, so that I am aware of them. If I don't, I might miss something that I need to react to.

Sigh -- its exhausting isn't it?

[saab]

Part of it is that we are under the illusion that our worry is productive. If we stop worrying we will miss something important. We confuse worrying with vigilance. But really our worrying isn't productive. We don't do anything about our worries (mostly), we just sit with our anxiety.

I have been reading Overcoming Health Anxiety by David Veale - not that good tbh, but it was £2 at The Works. One of the suggestions is to see your worrying as an anxiety problem, not a health problem.

They explain it as saying that people with HA often follow the theory that they have a medical problem. They believe they must find out info on this, constantly check, and ask for reassurance.

Instead, we should accept the theory that we have an emotional problem with excessive worrying about our health and our see that our 'solutions' have become the problem and feed the worry.

The checking and asking reassurance seem to work for a while at keeping our anxiety in check, but ultimately make it worse. We have to learn to accept uncertainty (I am not good at this..). You see this very often with people with OCD - initially checking the door twice was enough, now checking the door 20 times is needed. You get good at what you practise, and we have practised being anxious.