Hi everyone
I have posted before, but not for quite a while. I really didn't know where to post this,I just really need some one to talk to. The last few years have been really hard. I'm 38 and married. I'm desperate for a baby,and after 5 ivf attempts in 2011 I got pregnant,I developed a deep vein thrombosis in pregnancy and at 13 weeks lost my angel. The blood clot is now chronic and I've got to stay on warfarin for the rest of my life. I've worked for the last 6 1/2 years as a police community support officer but last year my employers decided I wasn't fit to do my job anymore and I was redeployed into another role. My only family is my mum,who is everything to me. She's been I'll all my life but for the last year she's been deteriorating,everyday I ring her up and she's in so much pain and feeling down. It's killing me as I'm all she's got, she needs an op done to remove a large kidney stone and may end up loosing a kidney,I'm so scared,I can't loose her. I now spend 3 hours travelling a day to and from work so I struggle to see her and when I do I'm so tired,it all feels too much. Last year I went to my doctors in tears and was diagnosed with ocd,I started to see a counsellor but in my new role they won't let me have time for medical appointments unless I use my annual leave so I had to finish seeing him as I've run out of holiday time till April. The worst of the ocd is avoiding things I've used or done when my mums had a bad day and felt more poorly and I admit there are some things I avoid tht I'm ashamed of as they seem silly but when I saw the counsellor he laughed at me and I can't forget it; I think that's another reason I cancelled the appointments. My husband wants us to look into adoption but I'm so scared it'll go wrong to,I couldn't take it. I'm just so scared,and overwhelmed all the time. I've no one to talk to. I'm so so sorry for the long story, it just all feels really lonely and too much xxxx