Not sure where to put this, but im really at rock bottom in my life right now and i dnt know how to turn it around.
Im 32. Ive suffered ocd/depression/anxiety for about 15 yrs now on and off up and down. Last yr i split up with my ex of 10yr due to long relationship i lost all my old friends now i only hve one mate left but he lives miles away and has his own life. i work in adead end job and hve moved back in with my mother. i suffered all the grief of a breakup and hit a major low, suiidal thoughts etc.
Then last nov i met a girl online, young, good looking, confident, she made me feel love again, things went off with a bang we saw each other all the time, txtd etc. but then my issues started to show, i was anxious when away from her, far too clingy and needy, i cried when we argued fearing losing her. anyway she hinted a lot this last month, she pulled away i pushed harder until she inevitbly dumped me 2 weeks ago saying i wasnt outgoing and confident enough, i acted like a puppy and was far too soft. she was right ive completely lost my self esteem and confidence, my insecurites turned her off to the point she didnt find me attractive anymore.
Anyway im back at that low point, im grieving, i hve massive regrets about where i went wrong, im fed up with my job, with my lack of friends and im feeling suicidal (i wouldnt do anything btw) talk down to myself, feel completely worthless.
i just dnt know where to go from here, i really need tto get out and make friends but i cant because im justsocially awkward people say im miserable and arrogant including my ex. i know thats how i come across.
i really dnt know how i can change my life, i dnt know what to do but i cant live like this anymore, i spend all day in my head, i cry, im just a broken man. now im a decent looking guy, i used to be the class clown at school, i know ive got it in me to fit in and be happy but i just dnt know where to start, im lost, theres a black cloud following me around and tainting everything i do.
ideas?
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