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Thread: What to do with feelings that therapy digs up

  1. #1

    What to do with feelings that therapy digs up

    Do you have any advice for how to deal with difficult feelings that come up because of therapy? I had a really intense session this week that dug up a lot of painful emotions from my past that I haven't had to face in years, and now I don't know how to handle them or what to do. How do I go about my everyday life now that my old pain has been reawakened and I've been forced to see how much it's affecting me still?

  2. #2
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    Re: What to do with feelings that therapy digs up

    I think you should ask your therapist about this as they may have some specific treatment plans for it.

    There is a technique where you mentally put them in a box and shut the lid and close away the pain but I don't know if this is what your therapist would want you to do.
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  3. #3

    Re: What to do with feelings that therapy digs up

    Hi there.

    I'm sorry to hear how your session has affected you so badly. These things happen.

    If I were your therapist (I am A therapist) I'd encourage you to accept and relax around these feelings. You have every right to have them and beating yourself up over them won't do anything but make them worse.

    One good way of doing this is by using mindfulness. I quite often teach clients a basic version of this in session 1. My basic recording is below. I hesitate to offer this because some schools of therapy wouldn't approve. Still, feel free to use it to tide you over until your next session if you choose.

    https://www.dropbox.com/s/tngqvz970a...indfulness.mp3

    Best wishes

    Paul
    Last edited by Paul H; 09-02-14 at 00:28.

  4. #4
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    Re: What to do with feelings that therapy digs up

    Duck, I find the best way to deal with the feelings is to write about it. Sometimes I find I get very upset when I am doing that, angry as well. I will only do this in what I consider a safe place (at home & when I have time to relax afterwards) because as u are finding it does stir up emotions, feelings and memories you have avoided for years. You do need to discuss this with your therapist.
    What u r experiencing is totally normal but very uncomfortable. It is possible to experience these things and "come out the other side". When u do, you will realise it is worth going through the anger and pain because you will benefit from offloading all that.
    It can take time and meanwhile you do need to look after yourself. There might be times that will feel difficult to do but you are worth looking after. You remember that.
    If there's anything I can do to help, you let me know as I have been where u r now & also don't forget u have lots of friends here too.
    Xxxx

  5. #5
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    Re: What to do with feelings that therapy digs up

    I think following Pauls advice is practical because Mindfulness helps you to accept thoughts and feeling by not giving them the emphasis they get when you normally process them. The result bring more relaxation and a decreased power of them.

    I know Paul mentioned this not bring accepted by all schools of thought but it is used to some small extent in CBT and now we have Mindfulness Based CBT coming forward as a newer development which the NHS seems to be getting behind. Thats only from my personal experience of therapy and they were interested in the developing MBCBT as a charity providing CBT services across a region via NHS grants for GP referrals so im sure Paul will be pleased to see that happening.

  6. #6
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    Re: What to do with feelings that therapy digs up

    I was personally told to accept and notice the painful feelings and allow them to exist rather than shutting them away. If you were less emotional before therapy, it might be that you're only just allowing yourself to feel. That's what happened to me.

    But I think it's right to speak to your therapist as everyone's therapy plans are suited to their individual needs. Sometimes people need to use distress tolerance techniques, which are like what has already been mentioned about 'boxing' something.

    I was personally told to 'box' only when necessary (when you just absolutely have to get on with something) but 'unbox' when you have the opportunity to really just have time for yourself. The way it was described to me was that I should imagine I had a child and that the child was feeling the same way that I did at the time, then ask myself what I would do for that child - the answer was pretty much, I'd give them a hug and let them cry it out and tell them it's natural to feel the way they do but that the pain will pass in time. I found treating myself considerately like this and allowing myself to feel pain with the full belief that it will pass when it's ready was very potent.

    Oh, additionally, consider when it is more important for you to be alone being with your feelings or resting and when it is truly important for you to be doing something else. It took me a long time to accept that it is perfectly valid to take a day off work for this because I always felt I was being selfish. Your health has to be your primary concern.

  7. #7
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    Re: What to do with feelings that therapy digs up

    Very sound advice Harasgenster and very much what I have been advised to do (& have found has worked for me as well).
    I found it difficult to do the imagery side of things because as a child, i was made to feel anything involving tears (or needing to be comforted) was weak and only to be laughed at.
    But I have kept at it and now do feel far more comfortable about my tears and emotions. It's worth exploring these things because in time u do become more comfortable with it all and then it's less frightening, plus u realise its all a very natural way to feel and nothing to be scared of.
    There definitely are times when you need a break. When my therapy hit its peak (& became incredibly demanding of my time, emotions & deep thought) I did have a short spell of time off work. But that gave me the break I needed. It got better after that and since then I have been so much better at recognising when I need to "give myself a break".
    Dealing with strong emotions and memories was all part if therapy for me. That's the thing, it does dig up old stuff. But I totally agree it's better to let it out, don't suppress it because it doesn't actually go away... It sits there brewing. But it can be dealt with & therapy is the ideal place to do that, with a supportive professional behind you.
    I found that I did need time to myself, time to explore the feelings. To allow myself to remember some bad stuff but also to see my past in a totally different light. To realise how my past was full of hurt and many untruths. I was able to redress those things and now I have a much better perspective of my past and can see how it shaped me.
    These days I try not to let it influence me negatively. Instead I am able to see how easy it is to be influenced for the worst but I fight it and use the things I learned in therapy to help me through.
    It would be interesting pudding duck to know how u r doing??

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