My Prozac Diary for Help and Support

[BusuB]

Hi all, I saw MrsCav's prozac diary, and though I'd love to be her buddy, she's much too far in to commiserate with .

At any rate, my prozac journey started 4 weeks ago on January 13. I had been doing well emotionally on clomipramine, but had awful SE's that was physically debilitating (terrible constipation and fatigue, inability to orgasm, flat affect). As a result, my pdoc cut my clomipramine dose in half from 50mg/day to 25mg and added 10 mg prozac.

The first few days were nothing to write home about. The start up anxiety was certainly there but seemed dulled by the remaining clomipramine. After 2 weeks at this dose, the SE's from the clomipramine remained and it was decided to discontinue the clomipramine altogether. The pdoc gave the option to add a low dose of Pamelor to cover the loss of clomipramine, but I asked if it was okay to try out just the prozac for now to keep things simple.

3 days following the discontinuation of the clomipramine was when the anxiety hit hard and I had to take a day off work to recover. That was 10 days ago.

Today is day 29 of 10mg prozac and day 14 of the prozac by itself. I can admit that emotionally, I haven't taken much of a spill (depression wise), but my anxiety... whoo boy, that's another story.

I continue to have waves of anxiety that come through me throughout the day, starting from when I get up in the morning. They seem strongest when I 1) first thing in the morning when I get up, and 2) after a meal. I have yet to panic, for which I'm grateful for, but I've come close on a couple occasions. Luckily, I'm still able to work, although at a diminished capacity. As my job requires some level of human interaction, I can find it difficult at times.

My wife always says I should journal my thoughts and feelings, but as I hate writing things down into a book, I thought I'd do it here, where it seems that there's a lot of support and feedback. I look forward to getting to know each and every one of you.

[MrsCav]

Hello and Welcome

Anxiety .. it sucks, big time!! I remember at my worst time I could barely speak, the anxiety was that bad. I looked like I was body popping (break dancing) I was shaking that much. I also remember my GP having to get me a drink to calm me down I was that I was given a beta blocker called Propranolol - I have no idea what these are called in the states, maybe someone else will come and post - but the beta blocker was a God send. It really was that magic pill.

However, in my head, I was saying the raised anxiety was due to a side effect of the Prozac, so when the anxiety stopped (probably due to the propranolol) I presumed I was just over the worse and stopped taking the propranolol. Over a week the tremors retured, but very mildly. I spoke to my GP who told me to go back on the propranolol as it's there to help me. So I'm back on the 'prop' and doing well. All anxiety has gone.

The Prozac is amazing, life is so much better. I'm much happier, much more chilled and just look forward to every day. My sleep was affected at first, but now I sleep like a baby and wake up happy in the morning ... even on a Monday morning Physically my body has changed for the better, all anxiety related illnesses have gone, like constipation or twitching bladder - what a lovely picture I am painting Lots of other things too like vertigo has gone.

When you start these meds, you read the product information sheet and read all the side effects and with us guys being anxious as it is, the last thing we need to read are these horrendous side effects. Some of us sail through them, some of us struggle. I struggled ... but I knew I wasn't alone and reading lots of threads on here I knew I wasn't the first and I doubted I would be the last. The best bit of advice I can give, is go with the anxiety, just go with the flow. Don't dwell too much, it's adrenalin .... it's isn't going to kill you. It will make you feel uncomfortable, you won't be hungry, you might not be able to sleep, but it WONT kill you. And you also have to remember that some one, some where out there has paid a fortune to jump out of a plane, or bungee jump to get the same feeling that you're experiencing now. Fear or excitement - it's the same.

Stick with the meds, have a look into beta blockers to see if they can get you through the worse, but remember, you WILL get better and trust me, it's going to be better than you think it will

[BusuB]

Day 30... I have no problems falling asleep still, but I found myself wide awake at 2:30 this morning, waves of anxiety going through. Nothing terrible. I've certainly felt worse in the past, but I could not fall back asleep. I tossed and turned until my alarm went off at 5:30 this morning. My wife was a bit sad at this news and she had a bit of a cry before work. The poor woman. Sometimes it's easy to get wrapped up in how we feel, it's easy to forget how much it impacts those who care for us. Still, I'm well enough that I got to work. The waves still come through, and now it's compounded by the fatigue from poor sleep. I need to call the doctor to see if he'd rx me something for sleep like Trazodone, but I hesitate because I fear that I'll end up asking to get off this crazy ride.... before you chide me, hear me out.

My mood over the last year has actually not been terrible. The anxiety and depression I've felt seems tied up in medications for the most part. This past year has been med after med (3 complete trials, Lexapro, Effexor and Clomipramine) of finding the right med that didn't totally ruin me SE wise. Lexapro made me dead to the world and calm as hell, Effexor is a lot like the Prozac in that the agitation and insomnia is driving me nuts and the Clomipramine, well you know the Clomipramine. It's amazing how much you miss pooing until you can't and I'll just leave it at that.

Is it too much for me to ask for a better result? Will this agitation/anxiety really go away? How much longer do I need to deal with it? Is 10mg going to be enough? Sometimes I think to hell with this meds but I'm terrified at the thought that unmedicated, I'd feel absolutely dreadful.

My coworker commented today that I didn't appear right, which is bad as we're usually good at hiding these types of things, but I guess it's showing on my face.

[MrsCav]

I take 20mg of Prozac and 40mg (twice a day) of Propranolol. I can honestly say I've never had depression, or deep depression .... but I did get depression as a side effect on the Prozac. My story is I've suffered with anxiety all my life, I have a very anxious parent who I have constantly tried to run away from (move around the UK) all my life and as I've grown into a *cough cough* 40+ woman I have also become that anxious parent. For the past few years I have been in and out of the GP's with all sorts of ailments, anything and everything it felt at times. I also have a son with Autism and I've also had to fight the great British education system to get him the very best. So for the past 10 years I have channelled all my anxiety through fighting the education system. However, physically I've had all sorts going on. What brought all this to a head was a holiday and I panicked that my autistic child who has some physical disabilities too would struggle on the plane. My GP literally had to take me to one side and say she was more worried about me than my son ... I had to make an appointment to go back and see her.

It was explained that anxiety had first been diagnosed about 4 years ago, however, and for a reason I have no idea, my GP's are not allowed to diagnose anxiety or depression ... but my GP said she was diagnosing anxiety and gave me a complaint form along with a prescription for citalopram. I left knowing that I was going to get worse before I got better but that I should enjoy our holiday to NYC and to have a good time.

I got home and read the product information on citalopram and all the side effects and knew I was going to get them all ... guess what?? I did!!! .... I managed 10 days before I realised citalopram wasn't for me and stopped. We went on our family holiday to NYC and lets just say, it wasn't the best, my anxiety was in overdrive. I didn't sleep for 3 days, just lay there shaking and hardly ate a thing. I couldn't even talk to anyone. It was as if I had a 3 day panic attack.

I came home and thought I was doing well, until an old lady decided she was going to collapse in the street, into my arms and she passed away ..... not the norm, but enough to send my anxiety into overdrive again. This time, I had found this website and was reading all sorts and I read this .... it was a guy who was saying he had just been prescribed some anti D's and didn't know if he should take them or not and a reply came saying 'you're struggling without meds and you will struggle with meds, be patient and kind and give yourself time for the drugs to work' .... that was my motivation to get back to the GP's and try something else. I was given Prozac and told the same, it will get worse before it gets better, but it will get better.

For the first few weeks I felt great, then I got hit with toothache and then the dreaded 5 week blip hit. I do remember thinking, this drug isn't for me, till I read all the threads/posts on here again about this 5-8 week blip. What surprised me the most is just how common my body is, because surely my body is different to everyone elses??? I have everything going, I am ill, I don't suffer with anxiety hahaha. That blip is horrible, truly horrible, my anxiety was frightening. But it went, with the help of the beta blocker. I also developed depression, I remember finally understanding what people meant by 'black fog' or 'black dog'. But it went. It went and my happiness came back. But it came back better than ever. My anxiety is all gone too.

I have been where you are, thinking that surely it should just be getting better and that you're not being unreasonable by saying you've given the meds enough time ..... I do know that the standard tablet dose in the UK for Prozac is 20mg. You can get it in liquid form and a 10ml dose is similar or the same as 20mg tablets. You can get higher doses too. I would give yourself a couple more weeks. You could think about speaking to your doctor about a beta blocker, you only take them short term, and they do help.

Good luck!

[BusuB]

Thanks MrsCav. Despite my insomnia, and first thing in the morning, I don't necessarily feel horrible right now. I'm just hopeful it is what you say it is, a blip.

Aside from being exhausted from my early morning today, I actually feel pretty calm and positive this afternoon. Hopefully this continues on through the night (and maybe even this morning fingerscrossed ).

I put a call into the pdoc determined to not ask about changing and just inquiring about a sleep aid and with my built up steely reserve I was told the doctor was not in but will be back tomorrow... deflated... hopefully I build that steely reserve back up again when he calls tomorrow. Who knows? Maybe the sleep aid won't be necessary at that time.

[MrsCav]

I hope you have had a better sleep. Just getting a decent sleep can help massively. If you haven't had a good sleep, I'm sure I have read on here than you can buy melatonin over the counter in the states?? That's given as a sleep aid here to autistic/adhd kids. I would have no idea how much you take. Or failing that, a stiff drink or a baseball bat will work a treat.

But I really am hoping and praying you got an amazing sleep

[BusuB]

Day 31... Since I couldn't speak with my pdoc last night I spoke with my local pharmacist concerning some left over Trazodone I had. I was told it was fine to take the two together, so I took one last night before bed and slept a little too well last night. I woke up to the alarm at 6:00 this morning and could not pry my eyes open. My wife was getting dressed for work when she asked me, are you getting up??? I told her I was up, just meditating . The grogginess has yet to lift.

Still playing phone tag w/ the pdoc though to discuss how I'm feeling, timelines and the like. Just need some added support I suppose. I know these are side effects because my normal anxiety normally subsides in the evening hours, but my jitteriness continues through the night these days. Big change in baseline anxiety. Yechh... it's been a long year of trials.

[MrsCav]

Good to hear you got a full sleep, even if you are a little groggy. In time your anxiety will stop completely, it just feels like it's a long way from happening ... but it will. Side effects are a good sign that the drug is getting into your system. I know it doesn't feel good, but I promise you, in a couple of weeks time you will feel so different.

Right, it's my bed time now, so I wish you a good day. Keep busy, try and meditate today and play some games on here

[BusuB]

Day 32... Had another good nights sleep last night. Woke up this morning with the alarm and did not want to get up. Eventually I got up, got dressed and ready for work. Took a look at the clock and noted that I had another 30 minutes before I had to leave and asked myself, do I want to sleep or have breakfast... I chose sleep. My wife has the day off, so was very jealous walking out the door.

Overall anxiety levels are noticeable and irritating, but not terrible. I'm just hopeful this dwindles off soon. The busy morning at work really helped (finally having a chance to update for the day during my lunch hour) me keep my head on straight and not think too much about my condition.

It's Valentine's Day. Traditionally the wife and I cook up something nice (I do the entree, she does the dessert) and I usually look forward to it, but since I've been a little under the weather, it's hard to get excited about the nice meal. Hopefully as the day progresses that improves. I hope everyone else is having a pleasant day.

[MrsCav]

How did your weekend go? I hope you and your wife managed to do something special for Valentines Day, even if the meal didn't go according to plan. Hope you're feeling less anxious today and as each day passes this week, you will start to feel improvements.