My Prozac Diary for Help and Support

[BusuB]

Day 40... Woke up shaky this morning after waking up early then having restless sleep until about 10am. Kind of after effects from Friday I suppose. Got dressed and ready to get my day started. Had plans to have a nice lunch out followed by shopping to find a new area rug for the house and some odds and ends. Ate lunch then started up on the odds and ends when I felt overwhelmed. Not anxious, so to speak, but fatigued, nauseated, low mood and overall cruddy. Asked the wife to head home and just kind of rested the remainder of the day. Felt defeated. It's been a while since I wasn't able to just "gut out" the negative feelings. This blip is hitting harder than I thought it would. Ended up ordering a pizza for dinner because I wasn't at all feeling cooking and my wife was craving junk food. Ended up going to bed about midnight, optimistic that my blip would be lifting soon.

Day 41... Woke up shaky again. Had plans to have lunch with friends, but their baby was spitting up all morning so they had to cancel. The way I was feeling had me sort of relieved. Still, I pushed myself out the door to get errands done and had lunch. The feelings from the previous day has stuck around. Still feeling negative overall. No panic, thankfully, but just an overall low mood and mild background anxiety. Just kind of kills my day. Started to lose hope and sink back in to the stinkin' thinkin'. Made my wife upset with all my negativity and overall grouchiness. Made up some dinner... turkey burgers and stewed tomatoes with okra. Still feeling fairly nauseated off and on through the day. Feels like I could use a good cry, but am unable to. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. Good as in the weepiness is gone, but bad in that I cannot just get it all out in one shot. I usually feel a bit better after a good cry.

Day 42... 6 weeks today and the blip continues. I know I shouldn't have expected to feel perfect at this point, but damn if I'm not losing hope. I woke up this morning early again and had a restless, agitated sleep through until the alarm went off. I hugged my wife good and hard and she reminded me that this too shall pass, though it feels like it'll be forever when you're in the midst of it all. Again no panic. Just underwhelming sense of background anxiety and low mood. The low mood is harder to deal with, to be quite honest. I'm debating on how long I sould deal with how I'm feeling before it becomes a concern.

MrsCav, the potluck we had on Friday, as we use the term, is a party or gathering in which each attendee brings a dish of their own to share. Someone usually steps in for appetizer, entree, dessert, decorations or utensils (plates, forks, napkins). I usually enjoy them, but just couldn't get into it on Friday. Here's hoping for better days.

[MrsCav]

Bus, this blip could continue for another week. Please, please don't give up, carry on taking the flux, I promise better days are to come.

I know exactly where you are. This low mood is just the pits and the anxiety is just horrible. It's at this point (6 weeks) where I take my youngest to school and come home and get straight back in bed. I do nothing around the house and I don't answer the phone to anyone. I'm not even sleeping, I'm just lieing there. I can't concentrate on very much, well, I can concentrate, I concentrate on all the anxiety I am feeling ..... I'm also where I can't stop shaking the andrenalin is pumping that hard. It was half way through week seven that it all lifted for me ... the sun was shining through the house and my first thought was 'it's beautiful' .... I knew I was getting better. And I know you will too. This is it pal and you have to pull your trousers up and just head into battle and I promise you will be victorious. I promise in a few weeks time you will be helping other people who are just about to start going through this blip (like I am with you).

Thanks for the explanation with potluck. Sounds good fun if there are a few of you. It sounds a bit like where you bag up left over food and place it in the freezer but forget to label what the food is. I've done this a few times with left over spag bol and chilli. It's freezer surprise what we would be having for our evening meal.

[BusuB]

Day 43... still waking up quite shattered in the morning. Still, no panic, just really nagging anxiety that kind of hits me at about 3am and lasts through much of the day. I was able to fall back asleep this morning after the initial wake up and got some light sleep off/on until the alarm went off a couple hours later. Got dressed for work and had a gagging spell as I went downstairs to take the dog out. My wife assures me that things will be better come next week and if not the following week, but next week seems so far away.

I always feel much better just right before bed and am optimistic for the next day just to be disappointed when I wake up again. I really should be used to this. I've been on medications before, and my wife tells me I go through this each time. I understand that I've been through it before, but it doesn't make it easier.

MrsCav, I'm determined to hang on. I don't think I can do another med change. I just don't have it in me. It's just so heartbreaking to have to go through this everytime. I put up a good front at work but inside I'm crumbling. I've read a lot of other journeys here at NMP and honestly, it's what keeps me going and prevents me from ringing the pdoc when it's not really necessary. Thank you so much.

[MrsCav]

It was this thread that kept me going http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/archive.../t-105775.html

Your wife is correct, next week or at least in two weeks time all this will be over. I know you will have heard this numerous times, but what you are going through is a positive sign that the meds are working in your system. It's a very unpleasant time, I really do emphasise with you, it was just the worst ever for me. Anyone going through this I totally understand. I agree what you said about when it comes to bed time, you go to sleep hopeful because you just want it to stop and every bl**dy day you wake up and just want it all to go away and you realise that it hasn't .... but you can do a count down now. This time next week you will notice a difference.

Have you thought about taking an over the counter sleeping aid? I don't know what's available in the states, we have tablets called Nytol and most of our pharmacies sell their own version of it. If the disturbed sleep continues it might be worth considering taking something .... but then if you managed to fall back to sleep then that's a positive step so maybe there is no need for any help.

[BusuB]

Ahhh MrsC, I do the same thing (archived view). Saves me the trouble of clicking a new page every 10 posts. I have a sleep aid to use if I have to so I'm not overly concerned about the sleeping bit. I'm hopeful that I feel better in a couple weeks time as I have a trip planned w/ my wife and mother in a couple weeks to BC, Canada. I usually love visiting our great white neighbors to the North, but I'm so worried that I'll make it a miserable trip for everyone.

[MrsCav]

Oh wow, lucky you off to Canada. Not sure where or what BC is, but I bet it's amazing to visit. Before I was diagnosed I went on a holiday to NYC, I had what I called a 16hour panic attack. I visited one of the most beautiful cities in the world and spent a couple of days wondering what the hell was going on, not eating, not sleeping (thankfully it's the city that doesn't sleep hehe) and not wanting to be there at all. However, I got through it and loved it despite everything ... I have plans to go back now I am better.

[littlemissjo]

MrsCav I also have a trip planned to NYC for December, I couldn't wait a couple of weeks ago... It's terrifying right now... but it looks amazing!

I had my second tablet this morning, after waking up after first feeling the onset of a panic attack at 6am. I've got through most of the day anxious but alright trying to quiet my mind, but felt the old panic wave again about ten minutes ago, right after my fella called and said we're going round to a friends for dinner. I hate SEs

[BusuB]

Day 44... Seemed to sleep a little more soundly through this morning. Had a brief wake up early morning but barely remember it so that's a good sign. Still feeling waves of anxiety throughout this morning (and the night before). I'm having a difficult time sorting through all of this, as in I don't know if what I'm going through is part of my anxiety or SE's from the Fluox. Sometimes I think that I should just throw it all away and see how I do without the medications, but I'm terrified of that as well. I guess it is a sign that my anxiety is still a problem, heh. At any rate, still a struggle. I'm hopeful that I'll start to feel better soon, and these sensitive nerves start to calm.

[MrsCav]

Don't be throwing your meds away! I promise you, this is the very worst you will feel and you are going to get better. Your anxiety will calm down. In a weeks time you will feel so much different than you do today. This is a side effect, but it's a good sign, it means the drug is working, your body is now working against the serotonin but it won't win, the new serotonin will overtake the negativity very very soon.

Littlemiss, NYC was amazing and I am desperate to go back. There is a volunteer service called Big Apple Greeter, you apply for your very own tour guide. We had a teacher take us around lower Manhattan, Brooklyn and Dumbo for the day .... he was amazing and we saw much more than we ever thought. It's not a free service, you make a donation, but you don't pay any actual money out (or make a donation) till after you've had your tour. You also pick where you want to visit.

[BusuB]

Don't be throwing your meds away! I promise you, this is the very worst you will feel and you are going to get better. Your anxiety will calm down. In a weeks time you will feel so much different than you do today. This is a side effect, but it's a good sign, it means the drug is working, your body is now working against the serotonin but it won't win, the new serotonin will overtake the negativity very very soon.

It sounds like I'm coming off overly dramatic, lol. No worries on the meds front. I"m the most compliant med taker ever known. Although I feel that way sometimes, I will never do so (toss the whole lot). I know it's the meds talking right now, but it can be difficult to remain positive. My anxiety isn't even that bad right now! Yet I still complain. Typical male, huh?

I need to do better at counting my blessings. I'm still working. I'm still functional. My appetite is... okay. My sleep is better than most (about 6 hours/night). Honestly it's this last little bit of nagging anxiety that seems to occupy my mind 24/7... blah! Thanks again for all your kind supportive words.

---------- Post added at 11:35 ---------- Previous post was at 11:23 ----------

MrsCav I also have a trip planned to NYC for December, I couldn't wait a couple of weeks ago... It's terrifying right now... but it looks amazing!

I had my second tablet this morning, after waking up after first feeling the onset of a panic attack at 6am. I've got through most of the day anxious but alright trying to quiet my mind, but felt the old panic wave again about ten minutes ago, right after my fella called and said we're going round to a friends for dinner. I hate SEs

LMJ, I wouldn't worry too much. December is so far away from now you'll feel absolutely wonderful by then. Take the time to recover and recuperate right now. Hang out in my thread. We'll make sure to support each other with the help of MrsC.